Too old?

[my3bears]

I've just turned 40.

I have 3 children and a full time pressured career.

But....have a consuming need to have another baby. My husband thinks it's a normal thing that all women go through when they realise that the baby years are over. Is this a thing??

Children are 15, 11 and 3

Money would be tighter but not unworkable.

Car is big enough.

House is ok with bunk beds!

My husband stays at home and I work. He's 12 years and isn't 100% well physically.

He's open to discussion but if he said it was his choice only he wouldn't have another.

Aibu????

I have one and desperately want another but I am 37. I hear ya.

Work is going so well I would love for DH to give up work but he won't.

I don't see any problems with your age, the bit that would concern me is that your older DH already has health problems and would be the main carer.

Well my mum had me at 43 and with a 15 and 17 year old. I'm pg at 42 with a 5 and 2 7 year olds. I always, but crucially also my dp, that our family wasn't complete till now.

Lots of things to consider, what would happen if something happened to you (either during birth or after)? Would your dh be able to cope with 4 children, one being a newborn?

I think it can be an age thing. I'm 42 and spent a few years constantly flipping between really wanting another baby and deciding it was not a good idea. I decided not to in the end and, now I'm out the other side, I'm so glad I didn't do it. With these school summer holidays in particular, I know I can barely cope with the two I already have! I'm a SAHP and it can have me on my knees at times. If your husband is in his 50's and not 100% behind the idea i think he'd really struggle if your intention is for him continue as the main caregiver.

I do think it is a valid point your DP makes about being a little bereft when the baby years are over.
After my 3, I still had a little bit of me that would have loved another baby. I felt one more would just complete the family- despite the pressure that would have added to many aspects of our lives.
It is only now,50+ and the youngest doing A-levels that I have come to terms with stopping.

YABU sorry. It's your partner's reluctance and ill health and SAHD status which means he'll be dealing with a baby/toddler. Also he is 52, which is old to have a baby, no matter what anyone here says. (Mumsnet is full of "I had my first set of twins at 48 and the pregnancy was easy, go for it!" stories- they don't really dwell on the bigger picture).

You have three lovely children, enjoy them.

@Crunched thank you, that's the experience I was hoping someone would share. It's something everyone has to deal with at some point I guess...if you're a maternal like me anyway! I love my babies but have to work. Luckily a good job and ft hours but over 4 days instead of 5. My husband said what if you have another and then still feel the same!

@barney11 thank you too xx

I think the feeling of now or never is pretty normal. I'm 40 and get the odd baby craving twinge but it always passes. Me and bf have 5 kids between us and we are both done. I'm also not too well. I'm more of the view that you should enjoy the children you already have.

I don't think you're too old at all, but I do think your partner is. Sorry x

Er yes, it is a thing. Midlife, the baby years are over, and nature tries to trick you into a last roll of the reproductive dice.
If it happens accidentally and you have to roll with it that's one thing, but otherwise it's probably best to quit while you're ahead. Look forward to life without toddlers for a few years, enjoy the kids you have, and wait for grandchildren.