Second child dilemma

[Samwise123]

I am driving myself slightly crazy over whether to have a second child (may daughter is two and a half). I know only I can make the final decision but I really wanted to find out what people’s experiences of having an only child vs two children is like, from the child’s perspective - as going our first a sibling would be the main reason. She doesn’t have cousins (or close ones) and our friends don’t have children her age. I would love to have another for my own reasons - just because I adore being a mum to my first so much - but for many other reasons I don’t want to (financial and work complications mainly and what it might do to the time and money we would have for our first, not to mention stress levels due to the above).

So my question is - parents of only children, what is it like and how old is your child? Do you basically parent other people’s kids in holidays and on weekends so they have someone to play with? Do you have to spend a lot more time doing things that siblings might otherwise do, so they are not left playing alone? Does it become easier when they go to school as they have playmates in the day? And parents with two - do they play much together? Are they adding beautiful things to each other’s lives, or do they spend more time on whir own/with friends?

This is prob quite desperate as everybody will have different experiences but I’m driving myself crazy and hoping for inspiration! Thanks so much!!

Such a personal choice.

I wouldn't change it now but with hindsight I'd only have had one...

Second child was (and is!) demanding from word go. None of that 'the younger one has to fit in with us' going on. Velcro baby didn't cover it. Nor did a simply bad sleeping baby. Baby was hard hard work. And still is at primary age. Though has amazing character and determination!!!

I had very severe PND and it's still really hard. Now they are older, both primary ages, they play but fight more. though I am now single parent working ft so it would be harder.

I basically have no evenings even now due to my age gap I want to go to bed when older one goes (worse atm due to summer) and no peace. Only plus point is that I get breaks when they stay with ex.

Glad they have each other sometimes but I wonder how things would have been with just one.

You need willing for it being like the above and hopefully it won't, but could be.
Ensure your relationship is good and strong- mine was shoddy anyway but the second child was a grenade!

I love them both hugely but it's so hard.

Sorry about negative view. Not often I can say what I really think anonymously !

As Arkestra says! Mine are quite pleasant individually, and repulsive collectively. I was put off having more than three due to the cost of school fees.

I absolutely loved going from 1-2. Found it a billion times easier than 0-1. My first was hard work as a baby, second was the most chilled, smiley baby ever. It was a revelation. 4 years between them so DC1 was relatively independent and not jealous or anything. From the minute DC2 was born they have adored each other and now at 6 and 2 are thick as thieves and the best little team. In fact, I loved having 2 so much I went on to have number 3 20 months after the second!

I agree with whoever said that 2 made them feel like more of a ‘mum’. This is not intended to be in any way negative towards parents of onlies (I had 3 MC before DC2 so was looking at the very real possibility of having just the one myself) but with 1, I felt like ‘me and dh plus kid’. We could still go out and do grown-up fun stuff and she just came along with us. Once we had DC2 that pretty much went out the window tbh. An hour in Costa with one child is fine, with 2 it’s a fucking nightmare. When we had just one we still had some say in our lives, now, it basically completely revolves around the children and what will be best for them. That’s not a bad thing, obviously, but think hard about what sort of lifestyle you want - if you like travel, late nights, city breaks etc then I’d seriously consider stopping at 1. (The caveat here is that mine are very little still so we might get all that back in a few years, who knows).

All that said, I am so glad I went on to have more. For DC1 the gains of a sibling far, far outweigh the losses, no question. They wouldn’t be without each other.

@FourForYouGlenCoco - that's great advice, thanks (was following post with interest).

I have a 7 year age gap between mine so it's not that relevant to you in terms of if they play together etc but going from one child to two children is harder than I thought it would be and DD (7) is pretty independent. I've not gone back to work and it doesn't work financially for us and things are quite tight atm (although we are paying for a wedding so it won't be that bad after). DD was fine on her, but like I said, she's very independent and happy in her own company, but she does love having a sibling too. You will be more limited on what you can do with your first for a little while as obviously babies take up a lot of your time but as long as you make sure to spend time with just DD as well she'll settle with it quickly. You can never tell what's going to happen so you just have to think what's going to work best for your family