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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to ask parent to not let my son play COD and Fornite when at their house?

84 replies

TheOrigFV45 · 01/08/2018 11:29

Boys are 9.
Is it better that I just don't allow my son to go to their house because I don't agree with children this age playing COD and Fortnite, or AIBU to ask the parent not to allow my son to play? Or just trust my son to not play (would be an odd play date in that case).

The only time I've done similar is with DS1 (now 19), when I said he wasn't allowed to go on friend's trampoline because it didn't have a net.

OP posts:
careerontrack · 01/08/2018 15:03

Fortnite is fine in terms of content. The issue is that they don’t want to come off it mid game and it can’t be paused and they don’t want to stop mid game. So, it’s not unsuitable, just royally annoying. COD absolutely reasonable to ask that he doesn’t play

Original poster
TheOrigFV45 · 01/08/2018 15:30

The issue is that they don’t want to come off it mid game and it can’t be paused and they don’t want to stop mid game.

That's exactly my concern with it. I've heard my friends lament at how they wish they'd never got it. They'd checked the content etc, but hadn't realised how hooked their children would get to it.

Nothing wrong with video games at all, but TBF I can do w/o that additional battle.

OP posts:
bourgeoisfishwife · 01/08/2018 16:17

Mine play Fortnite but not call of duty. I wouldn't be offended if another parent asked me that their kid didn't play it when they're over. As a rule I've told my two that they're not to play fortnite with friends that have come over unless I know that their parents let them play it.

Boglin · 01/08/2018 16:23

I'm not a gamer, is fortnite fine for 5/6 year olds as well? I thought it was quite violent but happy to be corrected!

BlingLoving · 01/08/2018 16:28

The issue is that they don’t want to come off it mid game and it can’t be paused and they don’t want to stop mid game.

I work around this by giving DS a 10 - 15 minute warning. So I'll say that dinner is nearly ready and when he finishes this game he needs to come in and help set the table or do something else as I don't want him to be mid game when we are ready to eat. Tends to work fairly well. If he then disobeys me and starts a new game anyway, it simply gets turned off. Doesn't happen much now as he's realised I mean it.

GreenTulips · 01/08/2018 16:35

I work around this by giving DS a 10 - 15 minute warning

I get round this by having a Koala box and switch his wifi off using my phone ....

Notthatwomanagain · 01/08/2018 17:02

Fortnite is fine.
I don’t have issues with overuse and mine self monitor quite well really- they usually play about an hour a day in holidays or weekends then stop without me asking. Never ever have they played at night or when not allowed and hand on heart we haven’t had one row about it at home.

They know if they ever complained when asked to come for tea it would all get sent to the charity shop.

I would never allow COD or anything of that ilk no matter what their age- it will not be in my house

I’ve told parents for play dates mine aren’t allowed COD etc. Most parents seem more embarrassed they let their kids play it than shocked I don’t iyswim

And not being allowed fortnite does create a social stigma. Hate to say that but it does exclude kids from ALOT of school chatter. Just be wary you aren’t singling your kid out at an age when peer is everything. It’s good to police it a bit but don’t be ‘that’ parent.

Original poster
TheOrigFV45 · 01/08/2018 17:09

They know if they ever complained when asked to come for tea it would all get sent to the charity shop.

How do they know this? I presume you must have had to have acted upon that threat a few times.

And not being allowed fortnite does create a social stigma. Hate to say that but it does exclude kids from ALOT of school chatter. Just be wary you aren’t singling your kid out at an age when peer is everything. It’s good to police it a bit but don’t be ‘that’ parent.

I am 'that' parent. Are you telling me that every single child has a playstation? Maybe in your world. I never had a pair of Green Flash plimsols. ALL kids don't have to have EVERYTHING. Where does it stop?

One of his best mates has a PS and fortnite etc (and I listen to his Mum complain about it), but has never been on a foreign holiday. I know what I would rather have (we can't have both at the moment).

OP posts:
Habeebtea · 01/08/2018 17:10

My DS 6 plays fortnite but mainly in the playground mode where it's just him on his own and he builds etc.
DD nearly 9 plays fortnite and is really good at it! We don't play it a lot and I always watch and play it with them - some kids were playing against mine the other day in the squad mode (they didn't sound too old) and their language was appalling so I had to mute them.

stayathomer · 01/08/2018 17:29

Definitely nub about COD but the issue with Fortnite is more something that is an issue at home (the addictiveness!). We've had children come here with instructions on what they're allowed play and we just kept the Xbox off and I was very impressed that they were mature enough to say it to us but if you think he'd be embarrassed/not say it it might be better if you way it to the parents, possibly just a relaxed by the way text message.

ProfessorMoody · 01/08/2018 17:40

I would never allow COD or anything of that ilk no matter what their age- it will not be in my house

Why? It's a fantastic game.

YeTalkShiteHen · 01/08/2018 17:45

Why? It's a fantastic game

For an adult!

upsideup · 01/08/2018 17:50

YABU
If you don't like the way they parent and run playdates then dont send your child for them to look after.

Jadely98 · 01/08/2018 17:55

At the end of the day YOU are the parent and you're the one who gets to set the rules for your kid. I say, ask the parent not to let him play and explain your reasons why, assure them that you're not making judgement on them letting their son play it. Ask them if they can provide a different source of entertainment. Then, before the sleepover you explain to your son that you don't want him to be playing these games, you've told his friends parents, and if you find out that he's played it then he won't get another sleepover. He should be so excited just that you've allowed the sleepover.

If your son asks why you're not allowing this say honestly what you think and say he has to respect your wishes as a parent.

ProfessorMoody · 01/08/2018 18:09

For an adult

As I've clearly said in my earlier post.

However, the above poster said she wouldn't let them play it at any age. I'm curious as to why she wouldn't ever have them in her home, as they are fantastic games with amazing story modes and great online cooperative modes too.

stayathomer · 01/08/2018 18:26

I'm not a gamer, is fortnite fine for 5/6 year olds as well? I thought it was quite violent but happy to be corrected!

I think it is actually meant to be for 12 and up

YeTalkShiteHen · 01/08/2018 18:31

ProfessorMoody sorry I missed your earlier post, my mistake.

I confess I’m not a gamer and as such am completely clueless about it but DPs brother is a huge fan of CoD and games like it. DP is a gamer but because of his experience in the theatre of war COD isn’t for him.

I apologise for not RTFT Blush

Martydog · 01/08/2018 18:39

My 11 year old is not allowed to play either. They have their rating for a reason. He knows he is not allowed to play them and I have said to parents that he is not allowed to play them. I just tell my child that every parent has their own rules and he has to follow ours.

ProfessorMoody · 01/08/2018 18:47

No problem! I'm a massive COD fan which surprises people as I'm old and a teacher but I love the realism and it's so therapeutic!

As for Fortnite being suitable for a 6 year old - it depends on what you want them playing. If you disable online chat, there aren't any concerns there, but the content of the game is guns and running round shooting. If you don't mind that, it's no worse than Star Wars. If you don't like gun stuff, then no, don't let them play it.

It's a 12 because of online chat capabilities and US copyright law.

YeTalkShiteHen · 01/08/2018 18:49

ProfessorMoody I love that people are surprised Grin everyone needs something they can escape reality for a bit in don’t they? Mario Golf is about the only game I can play competently Blush

My kids run rings round me with technology!

DiegoMadonna · 01/08/2018 18:54

I am 'that' parent. Are you telling me that every single child has a playstation?

No, but those kids who don't have one have usually played on it at a friend's house, so they can at least join in the conversations and know what people are talking about. If they're banned from even playing it at a friend's then they've got no clue!

YorkiepudNgravy · 01/08/2018 18:55

DD plays fortnite & COD - only plays COD on the multiplayer mode where it isn’t the story isn’t graphic/swearing, you just try and find each other - wouldn’t let her play the story mode part though

LovingLola · 01/08/2018 19:38

And not being allowed fortnite does create a social stigma. Hate to say that but it does exclude kids from ALOT of school chatter. Just be wary you aren’t singling your kid out at an age when peer is everything. It’s good to police it a bit but don’t be ‘that’ parent.

This is a good article about not having a child play fortnite
www.independent.ie/life/family/parenting/dear-david-coleman-we-banned-fortnite-in-our-house-but-now-my-son-is-lonely-all-of-his-friends-play-it-for-hours-on-end-37160144.html

GreenTulips · 01/08/2018 20:20

And not being allowed fortnite does create a social stigma

Maybe teach your kids to be nicer and not exclude others

cariadlet · 01/08/2018 22:51

(Fortnite is) a 12 because of online chat capabilities and US copyright law

The online chat is a big potential danger, but if you go to the VSC rating board website (the authority that decides on PEGI ratings for games) it says that Fortnite "was rated PEGI 12 for frequent scenes of mild violence. It is not suitable for persons under 12 years of age."