Pre nuptial agreements

[staplegun88]

Anyone got one?

OH and I are getting married in less than 3 weeks, small do, just close family in Registry Office, meal in pub etc.

It is second marriage for us both, we both have grown up kids from our previous marriages.

Last night, OH was doing his accounts from his business in the house office, and I popped in with a cuppa. On the screen was a 'pre nuptial agreement form' which he was filling in with details of both our assets. I laughed and asked what was he doing?

He replied that he wouldn't get married unless we did this, and I signed it. Hmm.

I went off and did a quick google. Apparently, they are not legal, but can be upheld in certain circumstances. BUT... they have to be drawn up by lawyers, the other party must not be pressured into signing, and they must be done at least 21 days before the wedding. So, a fail on all 3 counts!

Regarding the assets, yes he has a fair amount, but then I am have assets too. Its a fairly even split tbh. I told him before we got engaged that the simplest thing to do, to ensure our respective children inherit our things fairly is to make a will as soon as we have got married.. Not all this pre nup crap. AIBU?

I don’t see the issue either. Aren’t second marriages even more likely to end in divorce, statistically speaking? I’m sure I read that, (on MN).

I’d also want to protect my children’s heritage and a will doesn’t always do that.

I know of a case where a divorced man with a grown up son and a divorced woman with a grown up son got married. They wrote wills stating that if one of them died, the other would inherit everything to then be evenly split between the sons after the second spouse died. The man then died and the wife immediately changed her will so her son inherited everything. The man’s son was trying to fight it in court but was struggling to find the funds to do so.

So, if I was remarrying, I’d be all over a prenup and putting money into trust for my children. If they were grown up that is. If it was a stepparenting relationship where I was helping raise scs, I’d probably feel differently, but don’t know and don’t want to find out.

Heritage? That’s not what I mean is it? Inheritance I think.

@RunningOverTheSameOldGround who ever advised them to write their wills like that is horrid. Then again I know about it and solicitors see it time and time again, people who refuse to spend money to sort out things properly.

Op I'd be concerned about this behaviour tbh. He's threatening to postpone the wedding until you sign it? I would question whether or not I wanted to marry him if he sees himself as such a catch. It sounds very controlling.

I don't think you're being unreasonable to want to sit down and talk this through, plus putting wills together, with legal advice on both sides.

If he doesn't want to do this, do you think he has something to hide?

This is a massive red flag. He ambushed you with the prenup and now is refusing to talk about it. Believe me this isn't last minute. He mentioned it months ago you said. He was always planning to spring it on you.

You really shouldn't marry him OP. He is being controlling and secretive. You can't trust him. It will be easier to cancel a wedding than divorcing. You can call of the wedding with a view to working through your issues and reschedule when you're both on the same page.

bluebug

Yes, it was actually a complaint against the solicitor, which is how I heard about it. I worked in complaints at the Law Society at the time, (just an admin, so I don’t have any legal expertise really). That one really stuck with me though. The other one I remember was a silly solicitor being taken to the Professional Conduct Committee over a very foolish post he made on Facebook! I use that one as a warning to any solicitors I know who use SM. And then there were the solicitors who had to phone us from prison... They were quite the pair!

My fiance and I aren't getting a pre-nup as such, but we are going to write down a list of objectives for how we will handle situations like divorce and child access - or windfall, loss of earning etc.

Not legally binding, and subject to unpredictable emotions, but it helps us explore the options and set how we intend to behave. Basically, we talked about it. Crazy I know.

The fact that he didn't, and that you just signed it and then - instead of going back to him to talk - came to chat to strangers on the internet are both very concerning signs to be honest.

I haven't signed anything - yet!

I have now just done a list of all my assets (car, my bicycle, the garden table, pots and pans....lol) and will go through it with him. This is what I am bringing to the marriage. Oh, the sofa is mine too :)

No solicitors etc, but will get him to talk it through. We own the house 50:50.

As I said earlier, I agree in principle, but its his attitude that has upset me :(

It is better to postpone the wedding until this is sorted out than to get married and then be stuck with a man who says do this or else and goes off to work in a huff not talking to you.