In-law’s significant birthday

[TerracottaDream]

Would you expect to be invited to an in-law’s significant birthday party?
Just that really.

We didn't invite my family to my dh's 40th and I won't be inviting his family to my 40th. We all get on fine but just want my family and friends at it. Sorry about your brother

I wouldn’t but we haven’t spoken to them for 7 years.... if we were speaking, then yes I would expect the family to be

Sounds rather like the birthday girl is thinking very much of her side of the family and her in-laws are only good for babysitting duties.
Has she ever felt side-lined by her in-laws?

How does DH feel about not being invited?

I am sorry about your loss, you must miss your DB and when you feel low this is a straw breaking the camel's back. As hurt as you feel, I would arrange to do something pleasant with the other BIL and SIL that same night.

"However DH is close to his brother but he is not invited either. "

But it's not his brother's party.

Sorry to hear about your brother.

If I had a ‘significant’ party and didn’t invite the PILs or my husbands brother, wife & kids, my husband would be properly cheesed off with me. If he had a significant party and didn’t invite my sister, husband & kids, I’d say fair play and then deal with them later because they’d be pissed about being ‘left out’.

This depends very much how you view family. I love my family and some of my in laws. But I don't mix them with friends unless it is an occasion like a wedding. At a party I can let my hair down in front of friends. Also IME mixed parties with family and friends, unless they all know one another, don't work. Everyone stays with family or friends.

Honestly, you’re not close so I don’t think there’s much reason to invite you. You’re her husband’s family and it’s her do. But I think what’s really happening is you’re grieving and hurting. Chances are if this had been a year ago you would never have felt the way you do about it.

Take care of yourself. I’m sorry they haven’t given you much support through your grief. Unfortunately, you can’t change how others react to things. All you can do is listen to what you heart and head are telling you and take it day by day. Forget about the party business and focus on you

Chances are if this had been a year ago you would never have felt the way you do about it

I think this is true. A few days after my brother died a dental hygienist told me I could be making a better job with some interdental brushes. I cried in the dentist chair. She must have thought I'd lost the plot. I genuinely thought I was crying because she'd told me off and I felt stupid.

Of course it wasn't that at all. I can see that now.

I would only expect to go if DH was going. I have nothing in common with DH's SILs except that we married brothers from the same family. If those brothers were going, I would expect to go - otherwise no.