In-law’s significant birthday

[TerracottaDream]

Would you expect to be invited to an in-law’s significant birthday party?
Just that really.

you or you and DH. DH Bil (Sister husband) is soon to be 50 and he is having a party in a pub with all of his friends. Neither me, DH or FIL are invited (she basically said that if we came we would be stuck with FIL its all people who know each other and what would be the point) and I agreed. Cant think of anything worse or indeed wasting good babysitting time for

For hers she had a family meal we did go to with the kids

I did not invite in laws to my 40th. But I didn’t invite my family either. It was dinner with my friends.

Depends on size of party. Anything less than 25 people then I wouldn’t expect BIL to invite us. If there was 50+ I might feel a bit hurt.

Are you being vague for a reason?
Why not do a full post then people can probably answer a little better...

Possibly not.

Depends.

I didn't invite my FIL, MIL, BIL or SIL and partners to my 40th or 50th birthday parties. They all live very far away and it was really more a party for my friends. I didn't even invite my own brother (but i invited my exSIL) to my 40th.

I get on very well with my BIL and his wife, in fact she is 50 soon and has invited us to her party.... but they live in Melbourne and we are in London!

Have just you or your OH been invited or neither of you?

If my husband had a brother with a wife then our relationship with her would probably be as a couple so I think I would find it odd for just one to be invited.

It wouldn't bother me if neither were unless we were really friendly.

Back in the day when I was married to my ex , if he had been invited and I wasn’t I would have felt hurt but then would have felt somewhat relieved! I would have thought that it was normal practice to invite sibling’s spouses/spouse’s siblings’ spouses unless it was clear only the birthday person’s blood relatives (and their spouses ) were being invited and wider family was not being included because of numbers.

Depends. When I had my 40th birthday party only friends were invited, no relatives at all.

Are we to assume you are not invited?
Is your dh?

2 SIL recently turned 40.

We went out for one SIL's birthday as she wanted a big family bash. The other SIL decided to do something with just her immediate family (DPs family is massive, he is one of six!)

I wasn't offended by the SIL who didn't want us all there.

No unless others that were less close than me. But actually I probably would feel relieved.

I would but then I get on with all my in laws and we frequently get together in a big crowd.

I wouldn't expect to be invited - which is good - because I wasn't!

I get on well with my husband's brother's wife, but I wouldn't expect to be invited to her birthday party. She has a large family, and neither dh or I have met any of them, or indeed any of her friends.
Can't see it being much fun. I'm not keen on parties where I only know a couple of people.

Has your husband been invited? What's the dynamics like between everyone?

Party at their home or a venue? or meal out?

If you see each other regularly, probably.

If it is only at events like weddings and christenings, and Easter/Christmas, then not necessarily.

Husband’s brother’s wife’s 50th.

No, probably not, unless it was a massive party with all the family (Pil, other BIL/SILs) invited, and we were obviously being left out.

Most 50ths are generally a gathering of friends, with perhaps just the v close family of the Birthday boy/girl invited, surely? So I'd expect her parents and her sibs + partners to possibly be invited, but not her husband's family.

No.

Whilst I have a friendly relationship with my brother's wife, we are not friends and I wouldn't expect an invite.

I've never had one to any of her significant birthdays but did go to my brother's 40th.

If DH invited then I would expect to be invited. If neither invited then that's fine. Unless DH and his brother have other siblings who are invited, then I'd be miffed!

Is your husband invited?

To be honest now I am forced to analyse it I am not close to her. However DH is close to his brother but he is not invited either.
It is a massive party in a hotel. Band buffet etc.
FiL and MiL asked to look after one child and BiL and SIL asked to look after other one. SiL now refused as she thinks we a should be invited and she has made feelings clear. FiL andMiL now having both kids. I shall give my head a wobble.
My brother died recently. He was ill but decline a bit quick. Not one in-law has written to me or asked how I was. If in-law’s happened to be in house for another reason they said they were sorry. Bumped into party sister-in-law in super market and she said she was sorry to hear my news.
If I am honest I am really upset not to be invited. I have even wept! Then I am guilty as should really be weeping for my brother!
When I was growing up in-law’s were family.

I agree with you OP. I wasn’t invited to my BiL’s wedding so nothing shocks me anymore.
I am sorry about your brother. Sometimes in a crisis we focus on mundane things to keep us sane but don’t let this lack of party invitation get you down or see it as more important than it is.