Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Oh why didn't I think of that!

50 replies

biglittle · 31/07/2018 07:29

New beautiful baby, is now 11 weeks, I've not slept a full night since before getting pregnant ! Like everyone I imagine ,
dh went back to work after a few days after he was born as he has his own business , some nights he sleeps with us and weekends, but most he sleeps in the little annex as spare room is nursery So basically he's not even in the house and gets what I can only imagine as a beautiful non interrupted nights slept! Repeatedly, now I know We had hot weather for 2 weeks so he was prob abit Warmer than usual as I needed the fan to you know keep the baby cool (🙄) poor dh!!
I'm shattered! I know I don't "officially" work but you know keeping our baby fed and alive and safe all day and night plus the usual 2 cats dog, house, inlaws saga, takes abit of energy,
Anyway, he just came in 20 mins before needs to leave like usual, proberly difficult to rise from his deep slumber, to full volume conversation and leaving the bathroom door open so I can listen to his leisurely shower, I tell him I feel sick as I'm so tired, I've been awake since 3 with the little one ( and 2 the night before) to be told.......
well why don't you just go to bed earlier!!!

Well thank you! All mighty one! For that great advice , but if you can remember baby was still awake being fed when you left to go to your slumber and wanted feeding at 3am then wanted to have a few outfit changes and then be fed some more, then the cats joined in the party and wanted attention,

So I said ok I will take your Advice and tonight I will go to sleep early, prob when you finish work actually , only to be told, " remember I'm out tonight won't be home before 11" kisses baby says "be good for Mummy" love you bye!
Aibu to tell him to shove his stupid comments up his arse!

As not to drip feed, I love my husband , baby and my life! But seriously somtimes 😴😴😴😴😴!!!!

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 31/07/2018 07:30

Oh that has brought it all back :( its so hard. Sounds like your dh needs to realise you need help though, why is he out until 11 when you have a tiny baby

Babdoc · 31/07/2018 07:33

Why are you allowing him to get away with this? I’d hand the baby over to him for at least one night each weekend, point him to where the bottles and nappies are kept, them go and have a blissful uninterrupted night’s sleep in the annexe yourself. You need a chance to recharge your batteries, and he is being completely selfish. He is this child’s parent too - high time he behaved like one.

Merryoldgoat · 31/07/2018 07:39

I’m sorry, he sounds like a dick. My DH did overnights from day one. My 5 month old is quite a good sleeper but we still share wakings. You need to talk to him properly.

Allthatsnot · 31/07/2018 07:40

Your DH thinks you have it easy because you're at home all day, can sleep when baby sleeps blah blah blah. Book a spa weekend and leave him to it and if his parents are the type who will come running and have baby for him call them and ask them not to.

Original poster
biglittle · 31/07/2018 07:40

I'm breastfeeding so feeding is down to me really, but you know I can express! And he doesn't always want feeding, maybe a nappy! Or justva cuddle , But I'm thinking of starting to wean onto formula early , to get abit if a break, he has a very demanding job/ business and I understand he needs rest, I just didn't realise for me to get some all I needed to do was go to sleep earlier 🤔🤣😂! Maybe they shud teach that on the nct course ! Idiot! Xx

OP posts:
SittingAround1 · 31/07/2018 07:42

Why are you not taking it in turns to do nights? We did shifts with our first baby.
It really is unacceptable. I would be getting VERY angry with my DH if he behaived like this.

SittingAround1 · 31/07/2018 07:43

You both need rest. His job isn't any more impotant than yours.

Allthatsnot · 31/07/2018 07:44

You could combi feed OP, it seems to be becoming quite popular and DH wouldn't have an excuse.

Sparklingbrook · 31/07/2018 07:44

That has brought back memories for me too. 19 years ago I woould have had a six week old.

I used to go to bed about 7.30/8pm and DH would do the 11pm feed then come to bed and I would do the night feeds.

Obviously that doesn't work for you tonight but every night your DH is home could he do that?

Not sure about the sleeping in the annexe thing that would wind me up.

Sparklingbrook · 31/07/2018 07:45

Oh sorry. X post. If you are breastfeeding that's not going to work unless you could express for a bottle for your DH to give before bed.

SittingAround1 · 31/07/2018 07:46

Does your DH have a 'hobby' at the weekends as well?

Original poster
biglittle · 31/07/2018 07:46

I don't mind that he sleeps over there really, I want him to sleep and not have an accident , and I don't have to be awake listening to him snore, in the night when feeding, but I just wish he Wud come back in earlier to spend some time with him, or make me a cup of tea ( he knows he is normally awake when he comes in)! And also what if I had plans tonight, why do they not need to check if I can have the baby?

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 31/07/2018 07:49

Where is he going tonight?

Original poster
biglittle · 31/07/2018 07:50

Yep he has a hobby! Which is was actually away for the weekend just gone! Thinking about it, his life hasn't actually changed at all! Mean while I love that mine has And i love our baby sooo much, but I wudnt mind an hour to go have a swim or just sleep more than 3 hours stretch , I've not come here to bash my husband, just to vent Really xx

OP posts:
CitySnicker · 31/07/2018 07:58

So start expressing or combi feeding. Carve out some time for yourself. Take up a hobby 2 evenings a week and, if it’s an exercise class, make sure to have a long, long shower after.

Quartz2208 · 31/07/2018 08:00

OP it telling that with the sleeping in the other room the point you note is that somehow he was put upon because you had the fan and not him.

Im sorry but you need to realise this cannot go on for your own mental health - he needs to face up to his responsibilities running his own business and having a hobby does not mean that he gets to put all the baby stuff on you.

YOu should be worried lack of sleep will affect you - not him

Start telling him he needs to step up and be a good dad and husband

ReservoirDogs · 31/07/2018 08:02

Sleep during the day when the baby sleeps. (or at least go to bed and rest even if you can't sleep). Everything that needs doing can be done when the baby is awake. I only found this out when I had my second!!

Oysterbabe · 31/07/2018 08:02

DH is always telling me to go to bed earlier but I never do. Those couple of hours between the kids going to bed and me going to bed is the only time I get to myself. I'd rather be tired and get to read a book in silence for a while.

Queenofthestress · 31/07/2018 08:04

Book yourself into a swim, express a bottle and go for it this weekend!

Bibesia · 31/07/2018 08:15

He should be taking over the night care apart from feeding on Friday and Saturday nights. Too bad if that interferes with his hobby. He needs to cut down on evening commitments precisely so that you can go to bed early occasionally. Have a discussion with him ASAP about how this is going to work from now on.

If having the fan factors into this somehow, buy another fan. They're really not expensive.

thejeangenie36 · 31/07/2018 08:17

So, I'm a man with a 12 week old baby and we've done nights in shifts since he was born. (I do half the night, my wife does the other - when baby needs BF I take him for a feed). My wife would be exhausted otherwise. All my friends have done something similar. Some men don't seem to get how exhausting a baby is. He needs to knock his hobby on the head for a bit, or cut down - it's only for a few months. And, unless he's a junior doctor or similar, it's unlikely his job is as demanding as yours.

Timeforabiscuit · 31/07/2018 08:22

We did split shift with babies so each person got at least four hours sleep, i did up to 2am and dh took after.

Worked better than me being in floods of tears at 3am..

Awrite · 31/07/2018 08:30

I breastfed so had to do all night feedings unit night weaned (at 7 months). However, dh looked after me. He'd take ds out of cot, put him back, change nappies, cuddle etc. He made sure I was ok. No nights out, annex, hobby, my job is sooooo demanding pish. Teamwork. Both lives changed.

AragonsGirl · 31/07/2018 08:34

I also breastfed both my children, so all night feeds were done by me (my choice, I didn’t want to use formula) but my husband would get up to do the nappy changes etc during the night. He would occasionally sleep in the spare room if he had an early start for work, as his job can involve long drives.
He would, and still does, get up with the kids in the morning if I need a longer rest.
My only advice would be talk to him, work out a system that works for you, and don’t let this fester. I think men just needs things spelled out for them sometimes!

Fillybuster · 31/07/2018 08:35

Op, I totally get that he needs to sleep if he’s going to be safe at work but it sounds as though the penny hasn’t really dropped with him yet that he’s now a dad, and has responsibilities.

Quite apart from anything else, he definitely should be putting his hobbies on hold whilst you have a newbie, so he can give you a break when he isn’t at work.

Dh would take over dc1 the minute he walked though the front door at 7pm, at least until the bedtime feed (when he would sort out our dinner) and then he gave him an expressed feed at 11 so I could get to bed by 9.30 and at least sleep until around 2/3 in the morning. And at weekends I would sometimes sleep in the spare room and he would come to find me with baby just for the feeds, so I didn’t have to sleep with an ear open the rest of the time.

Your dh can definitely do that for you. Sounds like you need to sit him down for a bit of a chat....

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread