I believe a lot of things now considered 'woo' will have scientific explanations in the future (Twas ever thus - ancient civilisations thought things like rainbows and eclipses were magical until we learned how they occur).
Any of you watch 'lie to me'? Done any reading on micro-expressions, body language etc?
We may not be able to 'put our finger on it' but our 'gut instinct' is rarely arbitrary - we just aren't consciously thinking of whatever it is that we're responding to.
In 'lie to me' (a fictional series based on the work of Paul Ekman who has studied micro expressions) there's a character that's a 'natural' ie recognises and understands micro expressions with no training to do so. She was raised in an abusive home which is posited as the reason she's a natural. Basically the idea is she taught herself to recognise certain expressions on her fathers face as a defence mechanism.
I'm also from an abusive background. I've only once in my life been wrong about someone - my ex, I got totally blindsided there.
But on several occasions I've met people everyone else loves and couldn't bear them.
They've variously turned out to be liars, cheats, violent and in one case a massive embezzler (so charming even post conviction some people struggled to believe it). This person even accused me of some rather bad intentions which some I thought were friends believed. I'd asked for some paperwork relating to an event we were all organising, at the time I didn't understand why that had triggered them to react the way they did. I bumped into one of the people that had believed their accusation to me who apologised profusely. Turned out the paperwork I asked for would have revealed the embezzlement (lack of an ins payment would have led to other discoveries) and their delicate web of lies would have unravelled. Which eventually is what happened anyway.
I've learned over the years after stupidly ignoring my instincts occasionally when younger to trust my gut.
It's even been useful at job interviews - when younger I had a couple of jobs where something felt "off" at the interview but on paper good jobs, good pay - they turned out to be nightmare bosses.
Since then I've not taken a job where I've felt same feeling. Unfortunately my last job (which almost caused me a 2nd nervous breakdown) my immediate boss wasn't the one who interviewed and I didn't meet her until I started the job - total bloody nightmare! And I learned later the company KNEW this (very high turnover in her dept which they blatantly lied about in interview) so I think that's why they kept her out of interviews.
Dd had a situation when she was younger where there was a new girl at school and everyone was very taken with her. But dd didn't like her she eventually said so to me, she thought I'd tell her to be nice and give her the benefit of the doubt. Instead I said to be very careful, trust her instincts and not to tell her anything she wouldn't want others to know. This girl went on to cause all sorts of trouble, mainly by enticing people into telling others' secrets or to rant about them when there'd been a falling out - then running straight to the person who'd been talked about. As they got older she'd flirt with her 'friends' boyfriends and if they kissed her or spoke negatively of their gf same again. Nasty piece of work. Dd even now references it as her learning early on to listen to her instincts.
On the other hand there was another girl on the edge of her friendship group who was somewhat brittle and hard to get along with. She came with the others to ours a few times for tea etc dd liked her but found her annoying sometimes but felt her being annoying wasn't deliberate, I got on really well with her. Unfortunately the friendship group splintered just due to the usual teen reasons. This girl got pregnant VERY young. Dd was shocked and said she didn't think she was 'like that' I said don't judge her yet - turned out she was pregnant by her stepfather who'd been abusing her for years.
Girlandboy - same re Ian Huntley. Wasn't at all surprised when it was confirmed, now exh thought it was ridiculous at the time as just seen him on tv, didn't know him or anything. But now exfil agreed with me (incidentally he also grew up in a violent home). I remember seeing a reporter on breakfast tv just after he'd been arrested saying she was one of the reporters there interviewing him. She said that the reporters seemed to pick up on something too, the others shook his hand to thank him for appearing, she couldn't bring herself to felt extreme nausea but the really odd thing was even the reporters who would've said at the time they didn't notice anything amiss, all found an excuse to wash their hands after the interview.
I think on one of those documentaries about infamous killers they slowed the footage of Huntley down and he smiled very briefly during a part of the interview where I think what was being discussed was how worried everyone was or something.
Iirc similar was done with footage of tracie Andrews (the woman who claimed her victim was killed due to a road rage incident) I was slightly wrong on that one as I thought she was involved but thought hit for hire rather than her doing it herself.
Does anyone remember the murder of Rachel McLean? I was dating someone in Oxford at the time and had a strong feeling seeing him on the news that he was guilty. Then when he claimed he'd been at the station that night I knew it was true. Why? Because I was there waiting for the same train he claimed to be...but there were less than 6 people on that platform waiting for that train NONE fitting his description! I called the police but they had more than enough evidence by that point and a witness saying someone WASN'T somewhere is no real evidence. They said the other passengers had called with the same information. I'm guessing they maybe had cctv which is more definite too.
Ditto Jimmy Savile & rolf harris - siblings liked them, I'd go off and do something else when they were on. What's more chilling is my dad didn't like them - but in his case he assessed them as 'smug' and 'too lucky' - I now think he possibly recognised them for what they were cos he's the same.
Kickassangel so true, couple of con artists in my relatives. Very charming VERY good at reading people and telling them exactly what they want to hear.
Mummyof - definitely trust your instincts.
I agree it can be a 'bred' ability too because obviously the people better at this are more likely to avoid dangerous people and thus survive to breed.
"He has indecent images of children and got let off?" That's nothing, several threads on here and if you follow these sort of cases in the news you'll notice even rapists getting horrifically light sentences ESPECIALLY if their father is 'well connected' iirc there was a fairly recent case of a rapist with a well known (in legal circles) barrister father not only having a very light sentence but subsequently being accepted into an Oxbridge college. Don't even get me started on judges comments to victims!
"how devastating would that be if he's not?!" Contrary to popular opinion even being convicted of such offences far from 'ruins the accused's life'. Their family and friends and even employers usually stand by them.
Regarding suicides iirc there's a very specific micro expression that people who've decided to commit suicide flash. It's a mix of pain, sorrow and relief apparently. I've heard and read that suicidal people in the last days before they do it, seem 'better' and that's often why those close to them are blindsided. Because they seem happier, more relaxed etc and that makes people think they're getting better, but with suicides it's believed to be (and I think there's some evidence from people who've attempted suicide on this) because they're thinking they're glad/relieved their pain will soon be over.
I also agree that unfortunately the predators are also very good at reading their potential victims. For many years I wondered why my dad targeted me and not my sister. I falsely (and apparently it's a common misconception) thought that a predator will at least try it with any potential victim that fits their 'likes' (for lack of a better term). Now I'm pretty sure he knew somehow that she'd have blabbed straight away! Whereas I didn't tell for many years. In speaking to other survivors on forums etc it seems a common trait in victims. Seems these creeps are good at spotting who'll keep quiet. (Not always of course). They also seem very adept at spotting those who've been victims before. I've been subject to several attempted assaults. I'm aware most women are at least once or twice in their lives but it's been quite a high number for me. Again something other victims have said they've noticed. I looked into it more deeply when I noticed a particular term for this used in 2 separate tv shows - one British one American. Unfortunately this phenomenon isn't well known so repeated victims of rape end up LESS believed as its a misconception that if you've been assaulted once you're less likely to be raped again, yet the reverse is true.
I have a friend who's spot on with pregnancy info. Can tell someone's pregnant even before they know (she did it with me too before I'd even missed a period - we hadn't even told people we were ttc) and always gets the sex of the baby right only time she ever got it wrong was a friend of ours who ended up having boy/girl twins. She swears it's an odour thing, pregnant women have a certain smell to her and depending if they're carrying a girl or boy it's ever so slightly sweet if it's a boy apparently.
to all my fellow abuse survivors there's too bloody many of us 