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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to reach out?

35 replies

Stewforyou · 30/07/2018 13:16

I went on a good first date with someone a few weeks back and things fizzled. He seemed keen and said he was (asked me out again), and I was intrigued by him. I think life got in the way? I know he was between job changes and I was in a weird place too. We messaged but things lost momentum and neither of us pushed it forward... of course it may well be the classic hjntim! I am curious though and don’t have any expectations or preconceptions - aibu to send a “Hey how are you?”

OP posts:
LanguidLobster · 30/07/2018 13:24

Def, go ahead

Original poster
Stewforyou · 30/07/2018 13:30

Maybe I will - i was last to message which makes me wary but water under the bridge and all that. It was weeks ago so I’ll give it a try

OP posts:
LanguidLobster · 30/07/2018 13:34

I don't think you'd be too hurt if he didn't respond, just a little disappointed, and it's hardly like you're stalking.

You might be pleasantly surprised!

Original poster
Stewforyou · 30/07/2018 20:23

All good points! I wouldn’t be hurt but lots of posters advise against contacting the man first - worth a try though, I’m interested either way

OP posts:
userofthiswebsite · 30/07/2018 20:26

Do it, the worst that could happen is that he doesn't reply. So just assume he won't and if he does, bonus.

SparklyMagpie · 30/07/2018 20:28

Go for it!

Worth the gamble right? If he doesn't reply then you can put him to the back of your mind.

Him getting a message from you could make his day

Original poster
Stewforyou · 30/07/2018 20:31

Thanks, I will. He was messaging me lots and then just didn’t reply to my last message - I thought it was really rude to be honest! But I’ll give it a go and see if he has anything to say (if anything!) - what do I say?!? I don’t want to be too nice cos essentially he did go cold on me and not follow up, but I guess I could have followed up too. Was disinclined at the time though and wanted to give him space

OP posts:
MissConductUS · 30/07/2018 20:33

lots of posters advise against contacting the man first

I have never understood this. Guys fear rejection. If you give them a bit of encouragement it can help them past that.

Go for it.

Original poster
Stewforyou · 30/07/2018 20:37

I didn’t reject him though, he left me on read haha. I had already agreed in person to a second date but things went awry after that, he/we left it hanging. What do I say in message? Want to keep it casual

OP posts:
Original poster
Stewforyou · 30/07/2018 20:38

Strong possibility hwjntim!!!

OP posts:
LEMtheoriginal · 30/07/2018 20:42

It very much depends on what your last text said. If there was a question and he hasnt responded I'd leave it tbh.

Original poster
Stewforyou · 30/07/2018 20:45

It was a chatty text with a very loose question. Something like “oh hope it was fun?” about his weekend

OP posts:
Original poster
Stewforyou · 30/07/2018 20:45

So not like are we still on for next Thurs type thing. Am torn

OP posts:
MissConductUS · 30/07/2018 20:50

You're way overthinking this OP.

LanguidLobster · 30/07/2018 20:51

Ask him about new job

ShirleyPhallus · 30/07/2018 20:52

I was on a dating app and chatted to a guy

He asked me a question and then I put down the app and totally forgot about it - life was crazy busy and I meant to reply but just.... didn’t

Five days later, he sent me a message asking if he could take me out or should he take the hint?

And we have now just moved in together Halo

So sent the message OP. You have no idea what’s going on with him.

MissConductUS · 30/07/2018 21:11

That's a lovely story Shirley. Grin

butlerswharf · 30/07/2018 21:13

Personally i wouldn't. If he's really interested in you he'd have found the time to contact you.

Ivorbig1 · 30/07/2018 21:19

Just do it.

NotAsGreenAsCabbageLooking · 30/07/2018 21:22

I really don’t understand why the onus is on the bloke to do all the legwork, they get nervous too!

Text him, a non committal ‘just wondering how you are’ text then forget about it.

It’s be silly if you were both dithering about texting then both missed out.

MarthasGinYard · 30/07/2018 21:24

Are you in the Four Tops?

Original poster
Stewforyou · 30/07/2018 22:22

No I’m not!

OP posts:
ShirleyPhallus · 30/07/2018 22:24

Thanks MissConductUS Smile

OP you have nothing to lose, just do it! I really appreciated DP giving me a nudge. Look what would have happened if he had just ignored it and not asked me again.

Original poster
Stewforyou · 30/07/2018 22:54

It’s a good point. I just can’t help but feel there was a reason he didn’t reply originally aka he lost interest... gah he basically ghosted me!

OP posts:
ShirleyPhallus · 31/07/2018 09:17

I can’t believe how much thought you’re putting in to analysing whether this is worth it!