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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just want somewhere to live that isn't the street?

56 replies

StressedD · 29/07/2018 22:19

My parents worked hard to have their own home, in 2009, due to their worsening health, alongside a couple of other bills and housekeeping money, I started paying the monthly mortgage payment on the house as I was still at home and, with rents in my home city being expensive, I couldn't afford to move out. My mum sadly passed away in 2012 from lung cancer, by which time I was paying half the bills due to Mum's illness and Dad's worsening health forcing him to cut down to part time hours. By the following year, Dad had been forced to retire after a number of falls at work which he didn't tell me about as he didn't want me worrying about him.He insisted on still paying the water and putting something towards the food. As his health continued to worsen, he had carers come in while I was at work who helped him have a shower in the morning and sorted his breakfast, I would come home during my lunch break to make him a sandwich and then the carers would come back to give him his tea before I got home. Despite the exhaustion caused by Dad refusing to go to bed earlier than 3AM meaning I often got no more than 3-4 hours sleep a night, I managed to last until he went into hospital after another fall in late 2014. At this point, Dad decided to go into a care home, recognizing that I wouldn't be able to cope much longer before my health gave way. I was still living at home and the council informed me that the house would need to be sold to pay for his care as he had no other assets. His pensions would cover so much, but the rest would be charged against the property. As I already knew I couldn't afford to rent privately, I signed up for housing. I was told that, despite what the council were telling me, I had somewhere to live and that, while it would need to be sold, the council couldn't force me out and so I wouldn't be a priority for somewhere to live.
Sadly, in February, Dad passed away. The council reiterated that I would need to sell the house. I asked for a couple of years as, I'm going through uni and, while between my new job (I lost my previous job due to the stress caused by being a carer for dad while trying to work full time) and the maintenance loan, I'm just managing to pay the bills each month, I don't have much left, so can't afford to move out. I was told this was fine. I contacted the HA to find out whether my priority could be changed and was given a vague answer about how, despite everything, I wasn't a priority. I decided to try and concentrate on my exams for uni. Recently, I was contacted by the council again, the house needs to be sold to pay the costs. I explained my situation and was told that it wasn't their problem and I had agreed to selling the house when Dad went into care. I asked what I was supposed to do about somewhere to live as I don't have enough to pay rent privately and the HA don't consider me a priority. I was told to stop being awkward and just get on with selling the house. I don't even have the money to put the house into my name so I can sell it.
I know a lot of people will say this is about inheritance. It isn't. I just want somewhere to live that isn't the street. The HA won't change my priority, the council are refusing to set up a meeting to give me clarity about how much exactly is against the house and so I can explain that, once I finish uni, I am happy to sell the house, I just want some stability while I'm studying, so I can concentrate on getting the best result I can.
Is it really so bad to just want somewhere to live?

OP posts:
TheQueef · 29/07/2018 22:22

Have you been to Shelter?

tomatosalt · 29/07/2018 22:26

You can’t sell the house to pay off a debt when you don’t even know how much is owing. However as your dad was only in care for a short period of time you may find that you will inherit a larger amount of the equity in the home allowing you to sort out your own housing.
You really need to see a solicitor though, I believe some give 30 minutes free advice.

LaurieFairyCake · 29/07/2018 22:26

Write to them and request a balance of what is owed. Send it recorded.

Is the mortgage now paid off? Did your father have life insurance?

They won’t take all the house cash, it will be a percentage - there will be plenty left for you to rent somewhere.

I would see a solicitor. Flowers Sorry for your loss

John4703 · 29/07/2018 22:27

I agree with TheQueen. I have worked with homeless people and Shelter are really good. They know the law and will help you and give you the support you need.

CeridwensCottage · 29/07/2018 22:36

Perhaps you could negotiate a repayment schedule with the council.

categed · 29/07/2018 22:38

Nothing to add but hugs, you sounds like life has been very hard recently. Follow the advuce given and hopefully thia will work out positively.

Racecardriver · 29/07/2018 22:44
  1. Don't sell until they force you (unless the house is worth enough for you to get some money out of it if you sell at the right price).
  2. Consult a lawyer, you may have an equitable interest in the house as a result of the mortgage payments, up keep etc.
Genevieva · 29/07/2018 22:59

Go to your local citizens advice bureau. Some have connections with pro bono lawyers who can give you additional support. Also get a copy of the contract regarding the charge on your home so you can see whether it states that repayment must occur when your father dies on when the house is sold.

Separately, you also need to know whether you parents had a will and what is says. Clearly whoever is dealing with your father's estate (you?) is entitled to know how much the care provider wants to bill charge for his care and is entitled to see the breakdown of that bill, to know it is justifiable. This would all be part of a professional approach on the part of the care provider. Hassling you on the phone is clearly unprofessional. How long your father was in residential care for and how much more his monthly care costs were compared with his pension income will have a significant impact on the amount owed. This will enable you to make financial decisions about what you can and can't afford to do.

By way of example, my retired neighbour has told me that she has a charge on her house relating to the care of her father some 20 years ago. It was her childhood home and she never left. As far as I understand it, if she sells for any reason then she will have to repay the charge, but if she doesn't then it will not be repaid until she dies. She was clearly financially dependent on her parents, whereas you and your parents had a complex co-dependency. I don't know whether that would make a difference, but the fact that you think you would be homeless is a relevant consideration.

Perhaps post under legal on mumsnet. You will get more professional advice than I can give.

Original poster
StressedD · 30/07/2018 16:22

Thanks everyone. I've been trying to find out how much is against the property. Myself and my godfather have sent recorded letters to the council which they claim they haven't received and when we ask for the meeting, we get silence for a few weeks before they come back and ask again when I'm going to sell the house.
I've contacted my local CAB and someone will be contacting me in the next couple of days. I have also been informed to make a complaint to the council, which has been submitted and hopefully will get a response.

OP posts:
monkeysox · 30/07/2018 17:56

You're doing the right thing. You need a written statement of charges Flowers

Original poster
StressedD · 02/08/2018 18:05

Have been contacted by the CAB. They had nothing much to add, other than that I was doing the right thing by complaining to the council. They asked me to keep them updated with any response from the council to the complaint.
I got an email from the council saying that I will get a response to my complaint by the 13th August.

OP posts:
mycatisfatter · 02/08/2018 19:01

See a solicitor. CAB are not great for this type of thing. You need a private client solicitor with a knowledge of the care system.

RaindropsOnKittens43 · 02/08/2018 19:07

Don't sell until they force you (unless the house is worth enough for you to get some money out of it if you sell at the right price).
Don't follow this, there's a big risk you'll get a lot less from the house if forced to sell quickly at auction. Get proper advice.

RaindropsOnKittens43 · 02/08/2018 19:09

Just a thought, if you're studying at uni, could you get a place in halls while selling the house, so that you're living in one place, however long it all takes. They may well have a process for prioritising people going through stress like this.

Original poster
StressedD · 02/08/2018 19:39

Raindrops I looked into it when I first applied, but having a dog means it's out of the question.

OP posts:
speakout · 02/08/2018 19:49

StressedD but having a dog means it's out of the question.

I think you should give some thought to your priorities on that one.

Original poster
StressedD · 02/08/2018 20:20

speakout bit late, as I'm now a second year and wouldn't be priority for halls for 2 reasons: Firstly, I'm not a first year. Secondly, I live about 20 minutes from university, so why should they offer their limited accommodation to someone who lives in the area?
In regards to the dog, we got her in 2011 when my Mum, while not in the best of health, didn't think she was going to pass away the following year and certainly neither of my parents foresaw me being in this position only 7 years later. Now, yes, I could, as you say "give thought to your priorities" and put her up for rehoming. But how much do you think rehoming the dog would change the circumstances? I went through this with a family member when dad died and she couldn't come up with any change that would result from rehoming the dog.

OP posts:
RaindropsOnKittens43 · 02/08/2018 20:40

she couldn't come up with any change that would result from rehoming the dog.
Well maybe she couldn't, but if you're honest, I think you can understand that you would have a lot more housing options as a lone individual - in fact you just pointed out that you can't be considered for halls because of the dog.
I don'team to be harsh, but you need to think realistically about ways out of this sad situation, and that may well mean selling the house, and renting a room, at least in the short term, while you finish your studies.
But please prioritize finding out what is owed, the council cannot just demand a house - they seem to be trying to bully you, and you need to firmly ask for a statement of what is owed (try the home he was in direct perhaps?), then work out practical steps to take. You will feel less stressed by all this once you have a plan - hope it works out well for you OP.

Original poster
StressedD · 02/08/2018 21:18

Even if I didn't have the dog, I'm no longer eligible for halls as I'm not a first year, so I'm still back at square 1 of trying to find somewhere to share or rent that allows students, and there aren't many places that are now available and I don't have the money for a deposit if I could find one. When I spoke with the council prior to starting at university, I was assured that I would be allowed to stay until I finished my studies, that I wouldn't be put in the position of selling the house, even should my father pass away.
I know they can't force me to sell the house, but right now, I'm in a place of wanting to scrape together every penny I can get my hands on, to put the house into my name so I can sell it and then move as far away as possible just to put an end to the constant chasing by the council. The dog is the only thing keeping me sane and halfway focused on my studies.

OP posts:
ChotaPeg · 02/08/2018 21:30

I'd agree that you'd benefit from re-posting in the Legal section.

If I've read what you've written correctly, you might also want to look into Property Disregards (paras 34 - 35 etc of the Care and Support Statutory Guidance: www.gov.uk/government/publications/care-act-statutory-guidance/care-and-support-statutory-guidance#charging-and-financial-assessment)

Good luck - sounds like times have been tough for you. xx

Birdsgottafly · 02/08/2018 21:39

I've known MPs to get involved with situations like yours.

Tell them that you are sorting out the deeds and getting valuations.

You need a statement from them, to at least know what the debt is. You could stall for a year and remortgage to pay them.

needyourlovingtouch · 02/08/2018 21:45

If you have uni exams you need to let he uni know about your situation in case you need special circumstances applied. This is very stressful and unusual situation to be in when at uni

needyourlovingtouch · 02/08/2018 21:47

I always thought that they couldn't claim care Home fees on the house if a relative was living in it

FanSpamTastic · 02/08/2018 22:22

Put the house on the market at a ridiculously high price - you might have to show it is being marketed. But you don't have to accept a low offer?

I doubt that the council get to tell you what price you have to sell it at - I expect you just have to show you are trying to sell it.

It might just give you some breathing space to get through your course.

Birdsgottafly · 02/08/2018 22:40

""I always thought that they couldn't claim care Home fees on the house if a relative was living in it""

There have been many cases of the LA trying to illegally claim Care Home fees, or force a sale of a property, rather than sorting out a reasonable payment arrangement. Usually the MP know the Law on this.