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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

If you just didn’t feel ‘done’ after two children did you have more?

42 replies

KimKatCourtney · 29/07/2018 20:52

My situation is - I always wanted 2 children, I have a DD (4) and DS (2) and I just don’t feel done. I am insanely broody at the moment, I just can’t imagine not having another child. Financially we could afford it and DH is persuadable but......
I am nearly 40, I work full time in a career I really enjoy so feel already like my time is stretched. I have had 2 rubbish sleepers and DS has only recently started only waking once in the night, oh and I have done every night waking and breastfed for 4 years.
My relationship has suffered although we both feel like we are coming out the other side now.
There is no rational reason to have another and the only thing that stops me is thinking it wouldn’t be fair to my two children to stretch myself any further.
If you didn’t feel done but knew a million reasons not to have another what did you do??

OP posts:

Original poster

KimKatCourtney · 29/07/2018 20:53

Meant to post this in chat!

OP posts:

livingthegoodlife · 29/07/2018 20:53

I had one more, and then those feelings went away so I have 3 kids.

Tempjob · 29/07/2018 20:54

I would have loved to but DH would not agree to it at all... So we stuck to two

GoatWithACoat · 29/07/2018 20:58

Different situation but I knew I was done at 3 then had an accident. On paper it was a really bad idea but honestly, the joy, love, closeness etc etc made me realise that nothing else is more fulfilling and worth it. I used to care, but no longer give a fig what anyone thinks about me having 4 children. It’s the best thing ever.

You’ll never regret a child, even a ‘whoops’ one.

surferjet · 29/07/2018 21:00

Similar situation to you op, I went on to have 4.
2 was never going to be enough for me.

FuckyDuzz · 29/07/2018 21:01

Yep I had 2 more - now I’m definitely done

Original poster

KimKatCourtney · 29/07/2018 21:01

Argh I so want another - these stores aren’t helping

OP posts:

trilbydoll · 29/07/2018 21:02

I was still cooing over babies when DD2 was 2yo but now she's 3yo and potty trained and talking it feels like we've made a giant leap out of the baby stage and I'm so relieved! I would still like another year off work tho

BarbarianMum · 29/07/2018 21:05

No.
Always wanted 3 but the reality is, I couldn't have managed 3 when first 2 were small and by the time I could have coped with another dh felt too old. It bothered me for a long time, still does occasionally. But now first 2 are older I can see that we'd be in a far weaker financial position with 3 and I'd have been worried about that all the time. So really, for us, 2 was safer.

Piffpaffpoff · 29/07/2018 21:07

Funny, we were just talking about this yesterday. We had 2, I was 38, DH a few years older, and I wanted a 3rd asap after no2 was born. Mentioned it a couple of times and DH eventually very gently but firmly said ‘we’re very lucky - we’re a bit older, have 2 happy & healthy children and you’re fine too. I think we should leave at that.’. As soon as he said it I knew he was right, and so two it was. And 8 yrs on, I still know it was the right decision.

Gardenpicnic · 29/07/2018 21:11

Yes. Went on to have a third. No regrets! sorry op

BlackberryandNettle · 29/07/2018 21:12

I had another one. Currently have a 4yr old, 2yr old and 4 month old funnily enough! Do it now whilst you have the best chance of conceiving and closeish age gap. The feeling of not being done is (pretty much) gone now. So glad we did it.

HolyMountain · 29/07/2018 21:13

We had another and then I felt the family was complete, I always wanted three.

surferjet · 29/07/2018 21:13

Thing is op, with these kind of threads you’re always going to get a 50/50 split.
‘We went on to have 4 & love it’
‘We stuck with 2 & love it’

Just do what you feel is right.

FarrahMoan · 29/07/2018 21:14

We always wanted a third but had a run of bad luck after DS2 (now six) and happily concluded that two was enough. Then we had a whoops when I was five months off forty, DD is three months and I'd like another
I'm fairly sure trying will only lead to heartache though and so DH is booked in for the snip.
I'm so glad we had DD, she's completed us and the whole family adore her.

nuttyknitter · 29/07/2018 21:18

I never particularly wanted children at all, but started to feel broody as friends had their DC. My first pregnancy resulted in twins! It was hard work, but love at first sight and I knew straight away I wanted more. My DH easily persuaded, but then drew the line after our third was born. He was probably right, but I'd have happily had more. Very privileged now to be closely involved in the care of my DGC.

Mammyloveswine · 29/07/2018 21:20

I have 2 and would def like a third... I'm only 31 so time is on my side but DH is having none of it. Plan is for me to go full time in 2 years and for a promotion so that we can move house. Then I'm going to broach the subject again with DH... I've always wanted 3! But i need my older two to be more independent... I don't fancy 2 in nappies again!

Petalflowers · 29/07/2018 21:22

Always said I was going to have four children. Before dc2 was one, dc1 became ill, and was in hospital for a month. That took it out of us emotionally for a long, long time.. Comsequently, dc3 (and dc4) never happened.

I’ve never felt incomplete with two, but sometimes see larger families and have a tinge of regret. Mind you, I never fancied going through childbirth again. Dc2was a 9lb-er. Ouch! And am grateful for my two healthy, boisterous teens.

Icantfindausername · 29/07/2018 21:53

I was always thinking about another - have one of each, nearly 40 and decided against it. Mainly because it changes so much, we would need to move, get a new car, holidays are harder to find to fit 5 in a room, financial reasons etc.
I've never gone on to regret it and sometimes I see babies and all the hard work they are and think I'm glad we decided against it, go with that you both feel tho: just weigh up the pros and cons.
Good luck.

TheyCanGoInTheBucket · 29/07/2018 21:58

I have 2 and the thought of a 3rd terrifies me. I have good sleepers too. I'm booked in for the coil and tempted to throw in an implant whilst I'm there for good measure.

I'm the eldest of three and remember the chaos that going from 2 to and accidental 3 had on my family. I couldn't do it.

sarahjaneg · 29/07/2018 22:01

When we first met (age 17) we said 4, then we had 2, didn't feel done so went for a 3rd, got so fed up with people presuming we s should only have 2 because we had one of each! then no 4 came along as a lovely surprise.
The feeling of completeness I felt when he was born was immense and I honestly feel he was meant to be. Love my crazy big family and wouldn't change it for anything, yes things do get crazy busy at times, money will probably always be tight but the good times definitely make up for it x

Jupiter15 · 29/07/2018 22:09

Interested in your replies. My DC2 is only a few weeks old and I definitely don’t feel done. We wouldn’t have another for a couple of years though.

MajesticWhine · 29/07/2018 22:12

I always wanted a 3rd, for no good reason really. DH was having none of it. And our relationship was a bit shaky for a while. And then eventually we were both keen so we had our 3rd with an 8 year age gap. I knew I was definitely done then. It's been tough. Of course I haven't regretted my gorgeous DC3 but it has pushed us pretty hard. Having 3 stretches you quite thin especially when you are working full time.

Timeforanothernewone · 29/07/2018 22:17

My dc2 is only 6 months and we're already talking about the third. We're absolutely desperate for another but are going to be sensible and wait a while as dc1 is 18m

llangennith · 29/07/2018 22:19

I had DD1 at 18. Knew I wanted two more and 5 years later had DS followed by DD2 13 months later.
I always 'knew' I'd have 3 DC even before I even thought about it and never ever felt even remotely maternal.
My 3 all wanted to have 3 DC but DD1 stopped after 2 as she couldn't cope! DS and DD2 had one DS each as they both married older partners and ran out of time.

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