If you just didn’t feel ‘done’ after two children did you have more?

[KimKatCourtney]

My situation is - I always wanted 2 children, I have a DD (4) and DS (2) and I just don’t feel done. I am insanely broody at the moment, I just can’t imagine not having another child. Financially we could afford it and DH is persuadable but......
I am nearly 40, I work full time in a career I really enjoy so feel already like my time is stretched. I have had 2 rubbish sleepers and DS has only recently started only waking once in the night, oh and I have done every night waking and breastfed for 4 years.
My relationship has suffered although we both feel like we are coming out the other side now.
There is no rational reason to have another and the only thing that stops me is thinking it wouldn’t be fair to my two children to stretch myself any further.
If you didn’t feel done but knew a million reasons not to have another what did you do??

I never felt done after DC2. DH was on the fence about having a third but we did - he's amazing and have never regretted it. I did always wonder whether I'd ever feel done, but I absolutely did after DC3 was born, was completely happy that our family was complete.

Currently 26 weeks pregnant with DC4 - unplanned and we all feel a bit apprehensive about it but that's a different story!

Felt completely done as soon as DS2 appeared. We are complete. Love small babies. And can get a little broody at times but fuck me I can't be doing with being pregnant, ANOTHER C-Sec, no sleep, breastfeeding for another year... I'm too old for all that!
Loving the age my two are at now and want to give them all the attention they need /crave.
But then my friend just had number 4 and seems happy 🤷🏻‍♀️

Desperate for dc3 but oh doesn't want anymore. So there we have it.

I felt the same as you! Didn’t feel ‘done’ after 2, so we had 3. It’s tough, not denying it, especially as I was determined to keep my career going so every child meant another massive hike in childcare costs.

I think what really made it doable though was taking the plunge, and the financial hit and having all 3 close together. It’s meant we’ve moved through each phase together, with the children having similar needs.
I think it’s a lot more of a strain on the family if you have huge age gaps and get used to the kids being independent and then suddenly have to go back to sleepless nights and having to factor in nap times etc on family days out.

I don't think I ever would have felt "done". I have four! But I love being pregnant and the excitement of having a new baby and then seeing their little characters develop! However, I knew that after four I was struggling to be the mum I wanted to be to all of them. So I got sterilised so I couldn't change my mind! The littlest is 20 months now and I occasionally feel broody or hope for a miracle pregnancy! But generally drawing a line under it and removing the possibility feels really good. I'm looking forward to no nappies (had at least one in nappies for 9 years and counting), car seats, pushchairs and all the baby stuff!

Anyway what I'm trying to say is I had to decide with my head that I was done! If I had waited for some sense of emotional completeness I think I would have carried on forever! I know some people do get that feeling of wanting no more, but I don't think everyone does...

I had 2 dc and desperately wanted a third (Dc's were 2 and 4 and I was 36). Had a boozy lunch with Dh and we agreed one more but he asked me to think about it for 1 week. I have a career and realised that having another would be so hard. It took about 5 hours to realise this would be a mistake. Kids are "easy" when they are under 5. No way could I handle more than 2 teens! People say "you don't regret a child" but I know MANY with 3dc who say they might have done it differently if they had know in advance the demands of 3. My dc are now 13 and 15 and I definitely do not regret not having more, even though I love holding other people's babies!

Had 2, didn't feel finished, had another. So very definitely finished now. No regrets though.

Had another! Now have 3 and feel complete, I've either been TTC, pregnant or breastfeeding for the last 5 years so definitely done now

I was in exactly this position after DC2. I just knew there was one person missing from our family. DH wanted to stick at 2, but he relented and we had the third DC and the moment she was born the yearning stopped; she was the full stop that our family needed. We both bless our joy at having her every day; she is funny and loving and is a most delightful teenager. She slept through the night on the day she was born (midnight - 8am!) and has given us no angst at all since then. Do it, OP!

I had my third and then threw my h out. Both best decisions ever!

I'd LOVE a third, but second child has been diagnosed with Type One diabetes AND has quite difficult behavioural issues. DH is DONE. I know it will be one of my biggest life regrets.

My mum wanted 4 but stopped at 3 & I thought I wanted 4 as I loved/love my siblings & always wanted more. However I have shit pregnancies & am now mid 30s with 2 DC. Defo want 3 as our family doesn’t feel complete & DH feels the same although sticking with 2 would be the sensible option. Going to revisit in 6 months.

I think we are programmed to feel broody when a child hits 2! I did with both mine. But after 2 emergency sections and 2 babies who never slept DH said no more. Then a few months later he said, if I really wanted to we could.....but by that time I had gone off the idea so we stayed at 2. Now, youngest DC10, I’m glad we stopped. We couldn’t have afforded to give 3 DC the kind of life we can give 2 (clubs, hobbies, school ski trips, decent clothes, phones etc - things which kids care about).

I wasn't done after 2. So had DS3 when I was 37. Never once regretted it.

DS2 was DXed with ASD just after DS3 was born. Being sandwiched between two NT (ish) brothers has helped him tremendously. They're the friends he doesn't have otherwise.

ExH left 7 years ago and I love still being a family of 4. It feels right when we are all 4 together. DS1 is now at uni so I do enjoy the holidays.

DS3 kept me young. He was very cuddly and hopefully will be again once he's past the teenage phase.

I always thought we would have more than 2 - we talked about 4. We had the first 2 close together, and dc2 was poorly and in and out of hospital and on long term treatment and I went back to uni and it was clearly beyond our practical abilities to have any more then. Dh very sensibly pointed out how hard it would be each time I mentioned it. I'd almost come to terms with it though knew it would always be a bit of a sadness.

When things eased up a bit and both the older ones were in school we talked about it again and dc3 was conceived v quickly, before I was even sore it was what I wanted anymore.. But it's been the absolute best thing, I'm so so happy to have had him, love the bigger ones being kept young and how he brings us all together. There are definite down sides but I am just so pleased we took the leap.

I'm not sure I'm someone that would ever feel done though. I'd very happily go for a 4th now, even though we couldn't realistically afford another maternity leave or bigger car etc etc and I'm knackered as it is. It's a good thing dh has his head screwed on!

We wanted 3 DC with 2-3 year gaps. We have 3 DC and no regrets.

I felt the same as you OP and went ahead and had more (going into my 40's). So happy that we did and not convinced I'm done yet . No regrets at all, not one.