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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

This is CF behaviour isn't it?

41 replies

MarzipanFace · 29/07/2018 20:07

I think I've encountered some cheeky fuckery regarding childcare and I think it's probably my fault as I am quite laid back about having children over.

I just can't get past the brass balls of one person though.

A family down the road are moving house. The daughter plays with my kids regularly. She was playing with them yesterday and it started to rain. They asked if they could come in so I let them hang out in the kitchen. Two hours later my dd started to get tired so I told her friend to go home. Friend declared she wasn't allowed in her house as parents are packing up. It seems to be a long gradual move.

I was annoyed as the family obviously knew where she was and didn't bother coming round to check or even ask if it was ok. I let it go as the kids have a lot of fun and it was the friend's last day on our street.
Eventually she went home after I asked her again firmly. Tears etc. from my two as it was her last day. I feel guilty.

I go downstairs today halfway through the afternoon to discover her in my kitchen playing lego with my children. Seems her family have come back to old house to get wrap up some bits and pieces. Whilst i am there, the girl gets a call from Mum which I hear clearly asking her if she was at X's house (my house) and that they would be an hour or so...

Didn't ask me, just assumed. I rationalized that I could always send her home if necessary and again, the kids are having fun.

An hour later I want to clean my kitchen so I suggest they play outside as the rain as stopped. 'I'm not allowed to get wet and cold as I forgot my coat and it is at the new house', was the response. 'Why don't you go over and help Friend with her packing' I say in a slightly goady way. 'I'm not allowed in the house as they are emptying it'.

As it happens, not long after that conversation the friend was called home as they were leaving to go to the new house. They drove off.

I'm left realizing that I have given a total of five hours FREE childcare without my consent without so much as even a fucking text to say 'Thank you'. I feel like a right plum. I've been totally cheeky fuckered haven't I?

OP posts:
hamburgers · 29/07/2018 20:09

I think you're right to be annoyed (I would be too!) but I'd let it go as they've moved now and you don't have to put up with it again.

Monkeypuzzle32 · 29/07/2018 20:10

yep, sounds like it but at least you're shot of them. Hopefully!

IAmInsignificunt · 29/07/2018 20:15

I would put a card through their door.

Sorry you’re leaving the street!
Good luck in your new home and we hope your new neighbours enjoy being used for free, unconsenting childcare just as much as we did - which for clarification is not at all.

All the best.

GreenTulips · 29/07/2018 20:19

Love that text

Dear CF - your very welcome! Hope you find a new sap for free childcare in your new home - No need to thank me - good luck

Original poster
MarzipanFace · 29/07/2018 20:21

Yeah I'm not planning on following it up to be honest. It has just made me realise how easy it is to have the piss taken out of you. It starts off incrementally.

I read the cheeky fucker threads on here, specifically the childcare ones and I think 'why would you let someone take the piss out of you like that?' then it happens to me!

It amazes me because I never would send my child to someone else's house without checking it was ok first, regularly checking on them, and then at least saying thank you. I probably would have gone over and said bye and gifted them something but that may be overkill on my part.

Anyone else care to share stories of childcare cheeky fuckery to make me feel better?

OP posts:
Mindchilder · 29/07/2018 20:22

I wouldn't take a child's word for it to be honest.

Buster72 · 29/07/2018 20:24

As you weren't even aware the child was in your house ( you came downstairs to discover her) it's hardly caring is it?
As kids grow older the popping in and out is common and unless they need supervision you will find yourself able to get on with your life as they play Lego etc.
I long for the days my son' and friends would traipse in and out, all replaced now by in line games....with kids in the same street

ColumboHere · 29/07/2018 20:32

Well not really. You could have sent her home any time. You were happy to let her stay and play with your children.

Touchmybum · 29/07/2018 20:41

I don't know what harm the child was doing you? Your children seem to be happy in her company? Are you only complaining about those two occasions, so this wasn't the 'done thing' (in which case it was your own fault for letting it go on!)

Moving house is pretty stressful. Maybe you should have offered to have her so the parents could get packed up?

Not worth raising your blood pressure over. They've gone.

Holidayshopping · 29/07/2018 20:46

How did she get into your kitchen?!

Caroian · 29/07/2018 20:50

You only have the child's word that she "wasn't allowed home". To be honest, what child would prefer to hang around helping to pack and move versus playing with a friend? Of course she told she she couldn't go home!

I agree that the parents should have checked that it was ok, but perhaps they were incredibly busy and stressed with moving and you not sending their child home implied your consent. You could have sent her home, after all. What if you'd had plans and were going out?

I don't think it's that high on the CF scale really, compared to many of the tales on here.

Original poster
MarzipanFace · 29/07/2018 20:52

I wasn't aware for about ten minutes to be honest as I was upstairs doing laundry and on the loo. My kids answered the door and she came in. From that point on, yes I was caring for actually. It's a small house. I don't have the luxury of them playing off in another room without being very aware of them. They do tend to under my feet in my house.

The fact the child wasn't a problem is NOT THE POINT. The point is it is cheeky to send your child to another person's house and expect them to care for him/her without asking or even saying 'Thank you'.

Touchmybum

She wasn't doing any harm and my children were happy. (She is slightly naughty though) The point is AIBU to think it is super cheeky for the parents to send her over without asking if it is convenient or ok, and to not so much as even text a 'Thank you' as they leave?

OP posts:
UpstartCrow · 29/07/2018 20:56

Yes its cheeky, especially when they tell the child not to come home for a set time. If they want the child to stay they should ask the adult first.

As the parent who used to do the hosting, I used to get this as well.

Original poster
MarzipanFace · 29/07/2018 20:57

So it's ok to send your kids to someone else's house without asking first and assume they will care for them then not even acknowledge or say 'Thank you' afterwards? On the basis that if the child doesn't come home, that is consent? Not in my world.

I went along with it because the kids were having a nice time, and I actually expected some kind of thanks. It was only when they drove off into the sunset I felt quite pissed off.

OP posts:
Original poster
MarzipanFace · 29/07/2018 20:58

They are aged 7. They are not really old enough for too much popping.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 29/07/2018 20:59

Yes they were CF, you would just ask "we're packing today would it be okay if x plays with your girls as it would really help us out?"

Not hard to ask and most people would happily help in the circumstances!

Original poster
MarzipanFace · 29/07/2018 21:00

Touchmybum

Moving house is pretty stressful. Maybe you should have offered to have her so the parents could get packed up

Er... no. Only on MN could this situation be turned around so it is my fault. Unreal.

OP posts:
Original poster
MarzipanFace · 29/07/2018 21:00

Actually if they had asked I would have most likely said yes.

OP posts:
Mindchilder · 29/07/2018 21:00

This child plays with your child regularly.

My 7 year old also calls for friends.

My children know not to answer the door or invite anyone in without asking me though.

Veterinari · 29/07/2018 21:01

Wow! Are kids playing at each other’s considered to be ‘unpaid childcare’ now? We used to do this all the time - always nipping into each other’s houses and playing there. It sounds as if your D.C. and the neighbour’s DD were all happy and playing nicely - why make such a big deal about it? Especially considering they’re moving - it’s hardly likely to be a regular thing I’d it? And you could have sent her away at any time.

How old is the neighbour’s DD that she and your D.C. require so much supervision from you?

Original poster
MarzipanFace · 29/07/2018 21:02

Mindchilder

They usually do ask. This is the first time they've ever let someone in without checking. They have been told off.

OP posts:
PorkFlute · 29/07/2018 21:05

How old is the child? On the first occasion I’d have told her she had to go and play outside if she wasn’t allowed in her house and on the second occasion I’d have sent her to ask her parents what to do about her coat.
My kids are old enough to go and knock at friends houses now and their friends call around for them. I’ve never considered I’m giving/receiving childcare. If I need want to I tell them it’s time to go and I’d hope other parents do the same with mine.
The problem was that you were too nice to tell the girl it was time to go imo.

ColumboHere · 29/07/2018 21:06

The parents might have told her that she could call for your children but if she couldn't go in then come straight back home. If she was getting under your feet you could have sent her home.

I think you are looking for something to be annoyed about when you've really only got yourself to blame.

Gabilan · 29/07/2018 21:06

The point is it is cheeky to send your child to another person's house and expect them to care for him/her without asking or even saying 'Thank you'

Oh I dunno. It just sounds like the 1970s to be honest, although I suppose we were a bit feral.

picklemepopcorn · 29/07/2018 21:11

I think it's fairly normal for children that sort of age to be told 'go and play out, don't come back until I call you so I can get this house packed up'.

It's not necessarily a case of 'go to marzipans for at least two hours'.