This is CF behaviour isn't it?

[MarzipanFace]

I think I've encountered some cheeky fuckery regarding childcare and I think it's probably my fault as I am quite laid back about having children over.

I just can't get past the brass balls of one person though.

A family down the road are moving house. The daughter plays with my kids regularly. She was playing with them yesterday and it started to rain. They asked if they could come in so I let them hang out in the kitchen. Two hours later my dd started to get tired so I told her friend to go home. Friend declared she wasn't allowed in her house as parents are packing up. It seems to be a long gradual move.

I was annoyed as the family obviously knew where she was and didn't bother coming round to check or even ask if it was ok. I let it go as the kids have a lot of fun and it was the friend's last day on our street.
Eventually she went home after I asked her again firmly. Tears etc. from my two as it was her last day. I feel guilty.

I go downstairs today halfway through the afternoon to discover her in my kitchen playing lego with my children. Seems her family have come back to old house to get wrap up some bits and pieces. Whilst i am there, the girl gets a call from Mum which I hear clearly asking her if she was at X's house (my house) and that they would be an hour or so...

Didn't ask me, just assumed. I rationalized that I could always send her home if necessary and again, the kids are having fun.

An hour later I want to clean my kitchen so I suggest they play outside as the rain as stopped. 'I'm not allowed to get wet and cold as I forgot my coat and it is at the new house', was the response. 'Why don't you go over and help Friend with her packing' I say in a slightly goady way. 'I'm not allowed in the house as they are emptying it'.

As it happens, not long after that conversation the friend was called home as they were leaving to go to the new house. They drove off.

I'm left realizing that I have given a total of five hours FREE childcare without my consent without so much as even a fucking text to say 'Thank you'. I feel like a right plum. I've been totally cheeky fuckered haven't I?

Of course I could have sent her away. I was surprised when it transpired her parents had sent her over to my house deliberately for at 'least an hour' without checking if it was ok, then didn't bother to even text a 'Thank you'.

I realize they did the same yesterday as well and that was the reason the girl was reluctant to go home.

It was the NOT ASKING
and NOT THANKING
that I think is really fucking cheeky. But clearly I am being unreasonable.

Any other day and I would told them to go and play outside or for her to go home but it was bucketing down and they had the movers in.

I can't imagine sending my daughter to someone's house for a total of five hours whilst moving house without checking it's ok and not even sending a Thank you!

What makes it worse is that I'm not even that friendly with her. If it was someone I know well, of course I would do that and would probably have offered.

Pickle

I heard the phone call. It was exactly that!
You at X's house?
Good.
We will be at least an hour here

It was raining and the girl was in a tshirt. There was no way the parents were expecting her to play outside!

It's totally CF behaviour. They were very rude and complete users.
I've had kids dumped on me for hours on end as I'm easy going and not very assertive. I feel for you OP.

Certainly NOT being unreasonable. Asking is just usual manners.

DS is 10 and a lad from his class pitched up one Saturday, asking if DS was playing out. This lad lives in the next town and had walked a good 3 miles to ours (I'm aware 3 miles is nowt for a 10 year old legs but for info)

No problem, off they go with me asking DS to be back for some lunch around 12.30. Friend comes back with him, I offer him lunch after it transpires he had NO money for food/drink, no phone, no suncream (it was a roasting day recently) no hat (he's fair), nothing. I don't even know the parents, not friends on social media etc. He has a bit of lunch/drink/cream/spare hat and off they go again.

Now call me old fashioned or whatever but I like DS in around five as we eat dinner fairly early. Friend comes back with him. I ask what time he's meant to be home, he replies he doesn't know. And how does he plan to get home? Does his parent(s?) know where he is, are they coming to get him? Nope to everything, DH gives him a lift home.

They were back at school since and nothing from the parent. Not the first time it's happened I'm told. Felt desperately sad for him.

StopPOP
Someone will be along in a mo to tell you this is all perfectly normal behaviour and somehow it’s your fault!

It’s awful isn’t it? I would be really worried about the child in question that their parents give that little a shit as to where their 10 year old is for hours in blazing heat. Sorry this happened to you.

Looks like it’s 50/50 as to whether I’m being unreasonable then!

Shit, StopPOP, that’s made me go. Poor little sausage. Anything about neglected/latchkey kids around my son’s age, makes me well up.

She wasn't neglected, she was next door! She could have gone home any time she wanted but obviously it's more fun for a child to hang out with friends than just wait in the house whilst the parents pack.

They did phone her to see that she was ok. I'm really not seeing the drama here, the child was having fun with her friends and OP has already said she was ok with that.

The parents were jolly lucky you didn't have plans to go out.

For CF, years' ago heard one family bragging they left their young DCs at an I K E A soft play up the road for at least an hour while the parents dashed home and got some boxes unpacked/electrical stuff set up.

Stoppops story is a bit different. That is just blatant neglect. The poor child is doing what he can to get by.

If you had been out when they arrived then she would have stayed home (or perhaps gone elsewhere). It's only cheeky fuckery IMO if they'd complained when you sent her home, or if you'd gone out.

'Go and see if you can find someone to play with' 'stay out as long as you can so we can get this finished', fairly reasonable round here.

You had the parents’ number, if you expected them to text you a “thank you”

So you call them and ask wtf?! And to come pick up their child from your house immediately. Don’t seethe and expect to be showered with sympathy on the internet when you chose to be a doormat

She's 7 years old!

I had no idea there were so many parents out there who would just send their 7 year old in the rain and tell them to find somewhere to go and not to come back for hours, and then not even have the politeness to thank the family in question. It's so fucking rude!

If someone looked after my child for approx five hours with no prior warning so I could get on with some stuff, I would at the very least say thanks. I didn't even get a backwards glance as they drove off.

Oh and she phoned to check the kids was ok, and told her to stay at mine for 'at least an hour'.

Also, the Mum knew damn well I would find it hard to send her home as it was her last day and the kids wanted to play with her. She basically put in an awkward position two days in a row.

I suppose we all parent differently.

Daftenough
Thank you. Also as they have moved there is no chance of anything reciprocal is there.

Marzipan
I expect those replying to say you are in the wrong are exactly the type that see nothing wrong with dumping their kids on other families for hours on end without any warning or actual invite or agreement.

Kids playing in and out of each other's houses is one thing, kids turfed out to go elsewhere and never allowed to bring kids into their own home is another thing entirely.

There will always be at school, in neighbourhoods and at after school activities the CF's that take advantage.

I'm actually one of the ones that acquires lots of extra children. Some of them feel a bit neglected and I'm only too happy to give them a bit of support. Others are clearly from lovely caring families. One little boy was regularly sent out to play because his baby sister was asleep. He was a bit of a waif, bless him.

I'm more irritated by people feeding my children crap while they are out playing, without asking me.

“Marzipan
I expect those replying to say you are in the wrong are exactly the type that see nothing wrong with dumping their kids on other families for hours on end without any warning or actual invite or agreement.”

You’d be wrong. I’ve never dumped my kids anywhere. Play dates are arranged and agreed upon way in advance and the only time the kids can run around like the OP describes is when our street is closed for a street party and all the parents are out along with their roaming kids. I’ve also never had anyone take advantage of me like OP describes nor have heard of anyone doing that to someone else in our school. Yup, a completely different universe to the OP.

While I completely sympathise with cheekery so breathless it leaves you with your jaw on the floor and you can’t even begin to try to respond.... this scenario ain’t it. The OP is moaning but really, if she just said something the first time, there’d be no drama.