To think if your OH doesn’t want to...

[Smellbellina]

Celebrate their birthday with you, at all, you might as well accept the relationship is over?

YANBU. Care to elaborate?

Yes, I wouldn't continue a relationship after that.

Do they not want to celebrate it at all, or do they want to celebrate it, but without you there?

Depends - are they celebrating it with anyone else but excluding you? If so then yes, definitely, no relationship worth keeping. If they're just not celebrating it then no big deal, some people just aren't that bothered about birthdays etc.

We need more information!

I think there are all sorts of nuances that need to be considered.

Hard to say whether YABU

Well there were lots of plans with different people that kept changing I couldn’t quite keep up with that. So I wrote of the weekend and asked if he’d like dinner on his birthday but no he’s going out for drinks that night too. It really does seem like he’d rather spend it with anyone but me, so I just think, what’s the point then?
Now he’s cross because his plans have fallen through tonight and he thinks i’m unreasonable to feel rejected and pissed off. But I think i’m done with it really. I’m not even surprised!

What's your relationship like when it's not a birthday?
Also is it a significant one?

Do you live together?

So, is tonight the date of the birthday plans? And they've fallen through? If so, do not agree to go out or make any effort. You are not there as a fallback option.

YABU but it depends on the circumstances.

For example, on a recent big birthday I wanted to go shopping with a friend rather than spend the day with hubby and DD.

This was because I never get to go shopping and being on my own that day meant I got to do just what I wanted for the day, not accommodating my loved ones.

Selfish really but as a Mum it was a proper indulgent treat allowing myself a day to be that selfish.

It didn’t mean I didn’t want to see hubby and DD on my birthday or around it. Just that I wanted my one off shop fest to be just me and a mate.

No not a significant one. We don’t live together.
Relationship was gender going ok I thought

So you feel like your his backup plan when everything else fell through? I’d feel hurt by that too. Have you been together long?

*you're. Dammit.

So I wrote of the weekend and asked if he’d like dinner on his birthday but no he’s going out for drinks that night too. It really does seem like he’d rather spend it with anyone but me, so I just think, what’s the point then?
Now he’s cross because his plans have fallen through tonight and he thinks i’m unreasonable to feel rejected and pissed off.

Sorry OP, I don't understand. When is his birthday? Is he asking you to do something with him now that his plans fell through, or not asking you?
Does he normally socialise a lot without you? How long have you been seeing each other?

I have felt hurt under similar circumstances years ago. I don't think relationships last if one doesn't want the other at key events. Not without good reason.

Yes how long have you been together OP?

But in general no, YANBU. That would piss me off too

Do they want to celebrate the birthday at all? How long have you been together?

He does see you as a back up option - you are last on his list, for if all the more exciting possibilities aren't available.
I was in a relationship like this once, and it's difficult, because you don't want to be too demanding, and partners often have other interests and hobbies...but if you suggested a meal, and he had other plans, but he didn't even then start thinking about when the 2 of you could celebrate it somehow instead... he's just not that into you, as they say.
I'm sorry OP, you deserve better.

No he’s not asking me to do anything with him just being angry that I was pissed off that he didn’t want to do anything with me at any point to celebrate his birthday!

We’ve been off and on for a while but I just don’t think i’ve got the energy for this anymore

I think you know yourself it's time to call it a day with this relationship.

You deserve better!

“Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option.” ― Maya Angelou

You’re worth more than this, OP.

It's not sounding good. Suggest freeing yourself. Better men are available.

Time to call it a day op, you deserve so much better.

You deserve more OP.

On and off for a while? So he hasn't made a commitment so he can do what he wants in his opinion.

I couldn't be arsed with this. Not worth yourself getting upset and pissed off.

Break it this bull shit relationship off and start new with someone who actually wants commitment and to spend time with you.