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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

At what age/income/savings do you start to feel less guilty spending money?

64 replies

huggybear · 29/07/2018 17:36

Just that really.

Recently we invested in a new washing machine and I just feel so guilty about it, we can afford it so I'm not sure why I feel like this. I think it stems from being a student and living very frugally after graduation.

Can anyone relate? Does it get easier? I never see someone else buying something and think anything other than 'good for them!' so why do I feel this about us?

Is there an age that I will feel less of an imposter?!

OP posts:
ConfusedWife1234 · 29/07/2018 17:42

I think that depends more on the person and how much self-esteem they have than on the age... but just my guess...

Buckinghambae · 29/07/2018 17:44

Over 40, reasonable savings and 2 senior management incomes.

And I still feel guilty about spending.
I didn’t use to when we had a much smaller mortgage, it’s now near 25% and an eye watering amount when I think about it (I try not to say the amount as it gives me palpitations)

Luglio · 29/07/2018 17:45

Is it your money that you're spending? If it is, what on earth is there to feel guilty about?

FindoGask · 29/07/2018 17:45

I personally wouldn't feel guilty about spending money on a washing machine. It's not like you spent it all on crack, is it. A washing machine is quite a sensible, grown-up purchase and if it's an expensive one it'll probably last you for years.

I sometimes feel guilty if I buy things just for myself that I don't really need, but otherwise I don't tend to feel bad about spending money - and I'm on a below average income with no savings. That's probably why I have no savings.

huggybear · 29/07/2018 17:47

Ha no not crack though there is quite a thrill about bright whites wouldn't you say?

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BonnieF · 29/07/2018 17:51

I certainly wouldn’t feel guilty about spending money on a washing machine, unless it was a ridiculously and unnecessarily expensive one.

I definitely found spending money on non-essentials easier after I had paid off my mortgage and accumulated more than a year’s salary in savings.

Caribbeanyesplease · 29/07/2018 17:55

Absolutely nothing to do with age / income and ALL to do with personality

TheMendedDrum · 29/07/2018 17:57

I totally get this. I have a very frustrating internal narrative that I should be "making do". Can't really rationalise why I feel that way but I wish it didn't happen! Apart from mortgage which is very reasonable, we've no debts and a healthy income so I don't get why I'm so tight? frugal with big purchases.

mademybed123 · 29/07/2018 17:58

I have no debt, we are about to pay off a huge chunk of our mortgage and have thousands in savings.

Really want to treat myself to a Mulberry wallet, only £275, but last time I wanted to do it I bought myself a £10 from Monsoon. That now looks knackered...

(although managed to buy a toasted sandwich maker today with no guilt)

topcat2014 · 29/07/2018 17:59

I would never feel guilty about a washing machine. I always buy bosch and they last at least ten years.

Spending money in expensive coffee shops - yes, I don't do that.

ConfusedWife1234 · 29/07/2018 18:01

topcat2014 My Bosch lasted only two years, cannot recommend the brand.

huggybear · 29/07/2018 18:13

You are me, mademybed!

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LaurieFairyCake · 29/07/2018 18:16

I have zero savings and about 280k of mortgage debt. Never feel guilty for even one second about money I spend on myself.

It’s my money, I didn’t steal it and crucially I didn’t exploit anyone to get it. My current money was obtained ethically (I’ve had jobs before where I felt exploited or I was exploiting others)

Cherubfish · 29/07/2018 18:17

Agree this is nothing to do with age or income and more to do with personality / upbringing. Not self esteem though. I'd actually say that people with low esteem often spend money unnecessarily to try and feel better about themselves.

I'm a frugal person too OP. It's no bad thing IMO!

Sierra259 · 29/07/2018 18:21

Before I had kids, I never felt guilty spending! Neither DH or I were frivolous, and always researched good deals for holidays/more expensive items, but I wouldn't think twice about buying clothes/shoes/makeup if I fancied it. Now with 2 DC (one at school, one pre-school) and dropping my hours at work money is tighter and I do find myself going without treats or feeling guilty when I decide to get them. I always feel I should be putting more into my pension/savings/mortgage rather than treating myself.

londonrach · 29/07/2018 18:25

Never felt guilty about spending money as only buy things we need..food, bills etc. Why would you feel guilty about buying a washing machine..its needed. I dont have alot of money and buy what i need with the occasional kinder egg as a treat.

huggybear · 29/07/2018 18:53

I don't know LondonRach, that's what I'm trying to work out although it heartens me to learn i'm not alone in this!

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Caffeineaddict994 · 29/07/2018 18:58

I've never felt guilty about spending money it's my money so I'll do what I like with it and 9 times out of 10 it's things that are needed at some point or another, like clothes for the family - I don't feel guilty for buying myself things because I buy for the family also so no ones 'left out' so to speak, so my new handbag came with a pair of shorts and sunglasses for DP and some new shoes for DS. I don't leave myself short or buy for the sake of buying (except that one time I bought a clock for £32 just because I had money left over from my Christmas budget - I hate that clock now but will never tell DP!) tbh if I'm guilty about any spending it's the take aways we buy when we can't be bothered cooking even though we have a fridge full of food! Or rather guilty about buying the fridge full when we know we don't want to cook much this week!

huggybear · 29/07/2018 19:24

I'm not sure if other people's lack of guilt makes me feel better or worse to be honest !

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treaclesoda · 29/07/2018 19:26

I have always felt guilty about spending money and I suspect I always will. I agnonised this afternoon about spending £3. Confused And I don't really understand why because we are perfectly ok financially. Not rich but certainly not poor.

Move2WY · 29/07/2018 19:29

I am mid 30s and have never felt guilty about spending my own money. I am amazed you think this is normal and age related. I also don’t own a house so my money gets spent paying off someone else’s mortgage. Which is awful.

Just enjoy life and spend your money. You can’t take it with you...and as they say you come into the world with nothing, so if you leave in debt then you made a profit

(not advocating debt!)

BoxsetsAndPopcorn · 29/07/2018 19:52

I've had some very frugal times where I had nothing extra to spend and now have feel the need to have a safety blanket of savings at all times.

I don't feel guilty spending now though. My children know that hard work brings rewards. Hopefully they will follow suit as adults.

I'd only feel guilty if I was in debt or putting my own wants before my chidren.

Pippylou · 29/07/2018 19:56

I was thinking about this earlier, I want to travel & do some courses but I really struggle...

I didn't realise it was me being frugal/tight/weird until I hung out with more liberal spenders.

DH is super careful...

Bluelady · 29/07/2018 20:07

Surely a washing machine is a necessity, to me it's a really boring way of spending money. I'm a bit of a spendthrift I'm afraid.

jazzyfizzles · 29/07/2018 20:08

I'd love to know! I spent £300 on something rather trivial (but a keepsake) yesterday and I haven't dared log onto my banking today because I can't bare the thought of seeing it gone!

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