At what age/income/savings do you start to feel less guilty spending money?

[huggybear]

Just that really.

Recently we invested in a new washing machine and I just feel so guilty about it, we can afford it so I'm not sure why I feel like this. I think it stems from being a student and living very frugally after graduation.

Can anyone relate? Does it get easier? I never see someone else buying something and think anything other than 'good for them!' so why do I feel this about us?

Is there an age that I will feel less of an imposter?!

I don't feel guilty as I'm only ever spending money I have ( no credit used) and which I've earned.

Ah OP, you've just provided me with the voice of reason I needed tonight. I definitely shop for my self esteem, constantly. It's not the best but I do have a fairly good income and definitely don't spend money on myself if the house or the children need something. For the last week I've been considering a new Mulberry purchase in the sale, despite it being a sale item it's still £1k, which is a lot in relation to the income I have classed as disposable (everything is relative of course). To buy this item I would need to use my credit card, but the monthly payments would be interest free.

I want this item because I've loved it for years. I also feel like crap and I know it would cheer me up for a while. But I also know that my credit card already has a balance, so this is a bad idea.

Reading about how you feel guilty for buying a washing machine has completely put things in perspective actually, I don't need this item - I want it. I'm not going to buy it. I opened this thread thinking that I'd be given justification for wanting to splurge, but on balance it's made me realise that if I feel guilty about spending so much money on something that would only benefit me then I probably should be feeling guilty.

OP a washing machine is a necessity, it really is. White goods, household items and anything for children really aren't guilt worthy purchases. Selfish purchases are the ones we should be feeling guilty about.

You've just saved my credit card, and my DH's despair. I need to get a handle on myself.

I'm not sure it is an age thing either.
Nor do I think it is anything to do with a lack of self esteem - as a pp has said, there are folks with low self-esteem who bolster themselves by buying things.
I struggle to spend on myself - for 'treats' or something unnecessary. I wouldn't struggle buying a washing machine as I feel that is something we need. I struggle to treat myself, as we spent many years when we were younger without money, I it seems wrong to then spend on 'treats' for me.

Plenty of money here now but I don't like the idea of 'unnecesary' spending. I think about the environment and also sometimes worry that I'm buying lunches etc willy nilly and not appreciating things. A washing machine is a necessity really though so I wouldn't feel guilty about that!

We don't spend loads though, drive older cars and take relatively cheap holidays etc.

Growing up we only ever got new things if they were in a sale or a “bargain” in some way - but they were usually an odd design or colour or just not quite what I wanted, I’m 34 now and I’ve only just realised that I can spend my money on the exact thing I want and it doesn’t matter if I could have got it cheaper if I bought it in fluorescent green or drove 50 miles further to an outlet to save £3.20.

Without being excessively long-winded about different circumstances I've been in over the years, some categories (of non-essential items) I didn't feel guilty enough about and needed to increase that, and others I felt non-constructively guilty about.

I don't just apply it to myself though.

Money is emotionally very complicated, and I found it much easier to spend reasonably after I understood the various contradictory things I was feeling.

I also wouldn't feel bad about a washing machine, as long as it was the cheapest one with a good energy rating. (I also wouldn't buy certain brands of which I've had previous bad experiences.) Also, every attempt would have been made to repair the old one first. Washing machines are necessary (unless you want to lead a very hardcore low tech life, and have lots of time to do chores) and they use less water than washing the same stuff by hand.

They are not a type of item on which I feel any urge to be extravagant anyway. For a few years I lived somewhere that had Miele and Bosch appliances, and noticed no positive differences between those and cheaper (IME durable) brands such as Indesit.

I have an annoying weakness for old basics that are now expensive pretentious hipster things, and I just can't find it in myself to laugh at them to the extent some people do. I've managed to refrain from buying from places like Labour and Wait and Old Town, but I have bought somewhat cheaper versions of some of these things elsewhere. The justification is that they help me romanticise scrimping properly on other stuff, and I love having most of them. But really they are still too expensive.

I’ve always felt guilty and have that heart stopping moment when there’s a big purchase, but as long as we’re not in debt, then it’s OK (I think). A washing machine or household appliance isn’t an extravagance, but I’m currently stressing over a new carpet and a new sofa.

Then I think about t shirts I’ve got that are over ten years old and don’t feel so bad!

I spent £2k yesterday overpaying the mortgage. We plan to do this for the next 18 months, so we will be mortgage free by November 19; 2 years early. We have got ds through 4 years of uni; the last set of Hall fees were paid in June, and his last allowance was paid today, so we can now concentrate on paying down the mortgage.

I have clothes older than ds and wear things for more than one season. My treats are small things like a new nail varnish; some sewing stash, or a book for my Kindle.

We are now at the point in our 50s that if I wanted something, I could buy it without thinking. There isn't much I want now; and what I do want, I'll get for Christmas (cashmere bedsocks and a Longchamp tote).

I’m trying to build up savings (have about $200 saved in total!). I’m not spending much at all so a treat for me is $5 in Starbucks once a week and I refuse to feel guilty!

I think it’s a slightly odd response to feel guilty about buying things for yourself. I’m not in anyway extravagant about my spending - I shop around for deals, I buy second hand and re vamp items and I also sell on items to try and re-coup money. But I wouldn’t give a second thought to buying a coffee from a coffee shop ( other than the cup), or a piece of clothing or night out. This is your life and you can spend each day worrying about tiny purchases or you can relax and see these things as enhancements. No one needs a new lipstick but it certainly brightens my day to get one, particularly since Im not buying make up all the time. A new washing machine goes into the category of essential and I would have no problem buying one.... particularly if it was more energy efficient than your old one. It seems to me that guilt about these issues is a particularly female one.... I think we’re raised to put the needs of others before ourselves.

Never felt guilty about spending my own money.

Single parent to 4 kids and work 80 hours a week sometimes, so I deserve to treat myself.

Ordered myself some new Dubarry boots and Hunter wellies yesterday for the winter. Cost a small fortune, but they will probably still be going (especially the dubarrys) when my kids are teenagers with daily/frequent use.

I pay my bills, I make sure my children are fed clothed and comfortable and cared for- as far as I’m concerned, the rest of my money is to spend how I please.

I wouldn’t feel guilty buying a washing machine. I would feel pretty pissed off though, thinking about other things I would rather spend money on. I just booked another holiday and feel a bit guilty as I am not working at the moment so used savings. But I would rather spend money on experiences with my family. I will be back at work in October, so will make up the savings then.. or more likely book another holiday.

DH feels guilty when money is spent. It drives me to frustration. We spend money that is earned on things we need, and he goes on about the cost. It's not nice to listen to. I'd understand if we were in debt, or couldn't afford it, but that's not the case at all.

Yes me! I had hypnotherapy for this very reason.

I grew up in a nice house in a very good area but there wasn't an awful lot of money and my Mum scrimped and saved quite a bit. As a consequence, I found it very hard to spend money on myself. I was on my own and had very little money to spare.

Fast forward twelve years and although I don't have an issue with it now I am naturally pretty frugal. I love charity shops and will often buy things on eBay rather than buy new. A lot of that is also for green/environmental reasons. We are now in a very fortunate financial position (thanks to an inheritance and careful spending).

Having the odd coffee and meal out actually makes me feel rather rich now (something we never did as children).

I suppose it comes down to one's opinion between "spending" and "wasting" money.

White goods = spending money - how can you waste money on essentials?

Expensive bags = one person's spend, another's waste.

Similarly decent holidays.

PCP car purchases suit many people, but not me as you never 'own' the car - so we all have a line somewhere.

It's not guilt that stops me spending, it's just the mindless waste.

I have 10 years income in savings.
99% of my clothes are from charity shops.

All of the furniture in my house is second hand.

My car cost me £700 four years ago.

I could go out tomorrow and spend £££ in cash on a brand new BMW but I choose not to.
Spending does not give me pleasure.

It's a generational thing.

Older generations mostly grew up living frugally, so are generally more cautious with their money, whilst millennials have grown up with the world handed them on a plate, so see no problem with wasting money on frivolous luxuries.

Budgeting helps me. DH and I budget £60 each of our monthly income to each have for personal spends. I don't feel bad about spending this on anything I want as I know we're overpaying the mortgage and have 6 months income in savings (after saving the 6 months we switched to putting all leftover cash each month into the mortgage). We are very frugal though and having both grown up with no spare cash and then having 5 years of low paid jobs after uni it feels weird to have more cash and we are kind of afraid to live the lifestyle most people on our income would. We live in a tiny terraced house that was bought for x2 our income for example, still shop in Aldi and share one decade old car between us. I guess it's a combination of feeling like imposters (and thus worried it could all end at any moment and we're back on the dole) and knowing that you don't need a big fancy house, new car and Waitrose food to be happy. (For context our income is £60k a year, which a lot of people here dont seem to think is a lot for a family of 4, but it is to us!)

Buying a new washing machine must be cheaper than taking the washing to a launderette. You could have bought second hand, but a new one should last longer. I recently paid to take someone on a short holiday. The memories of the time that we spent together are priceless and worth much more than having the money in the bank.

We struggle with spending on ourselves, we are just not profligate people. Washing machines etc, I'd always hunt for the cheapest deal which fulfilled our basic criteria, wouldn't ever buy a more fancy model 'just because'. Similarly we don't have expensive items, designer clothes, huge TVs etc. It's fairly ridiculous because we are pretty well off. It's not guilt as such but spending large amounts just makes us feel uneasy. Luckily both me and DH feel the same way, I imagine it's very irritating otherwise!

It's to do with percentages, I think.

DH and I have no debt (credit card usage is by choice) and through a little luck have been in this situation since our late 20s.

For me, the key aspects are:

Knowing that we have a safety buffer to cover any eventuality

Financial long-term and short-term plan and sticking to it

Spending money on things which you know will give you pleasure or are necessary.

I don't think that's fair @HolyPieter I am well under 30.

Thank you everyone for sharing your stories and opinions.

I don't feel guilty spending money but I'm still cautious and that is at 39 years old with a household income into 6 figures and about £10k savings.