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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask which is the most neutral term dinner, supper or tea?

465 replies

ConfusedWife1234 · 29/07/2018 15:19

AIBU to ask which the most neutral term for dinner/supper/tea is? I am not a native speaker and I have been told that your usage of the word says a lot about ethnic ancestry, social class, if your are from the UK, US or another English speaking country, part of the country and so on. Which is the most neutral term and when do I use which one?

OP posts:
Original poster
ConfusedWife1234 · 29/07/2018 15:54

I used to think that brunch was a bastard word from br-eakfast and l-unch, served between breakfast and lunch.

OP posts:
Ellboo · 29/07/2018 15:54

You can’t even pin this stuff down as north/south or regional because it is about social class too. Calling the evening meal ‘tea’ (as I was brought up doing) causes no end of confusion with my partner’s (posh) family but we’re all from same region.

Caffeineaddict994 · 29/07/2018 15:55

Me and my DP are from the same north west area and we say different things. For me Dinner and Tea are the same thing - the evening meal (tea also a drink) Supper is a late night snack. For my DP dinner means lunch, tea is evening meal (and again a drink) and he doesn't even say supper.
The amount of times we've confused each other when wanting to go out for 'dinner' is ridiculous but neither of us can change our ways!

Original poster
ConfusedWife1234 · 29/07/2018 15:55

Could I have cheese for pudding or does pudding have to be sweet?

OP posts:
pennycarbonara · 29/07/2018 15:56

I think there are swathes and swathes of people who simply aren't aware of the class connotations of most of these words, and if they think anything about some of the ones they don't use, it's simply 'a bit old fashioned' or 'Southern' or 'Northern'.

Fifthtimelucky · 29/07/2018 15:56

That's exactly what brunch is. You would never eat breakfast and lunch on the same day.

Perfectly1mperfect · 29/07/2018 15:57

Breakfast, lunch and dinner here.

Supper would be a snack before bed.

Tea is a drink of tea.

Dessert is anything that you eat after your main meal, usually sweet. Pudding is also used around here but I really don't like the word. 😂. Not sure why Hmm

pennycarbonara · 29/07/2018 15:57

I used to think that brunch was a bastard word from br-eakfast and l-unch, served between breakfast and lunch.

It is - it's a portmanteau word.

21stCenturyMrsBennett · 29/07/2018 15:58

used to think that brunch was a bastard word from br-eakfast and l-unch, served between breakfast and lunch

More like it comprises elements of breakfast and lunch, and replaces both meals.

LeighaJ · 29/07/2018 15:58

I'm from the US and said dinner there and here in the UK. Supper is used in the US but mostly only in the deep south. I've never heard anyone say supper in the UK. Tea will always equal a drink to me. Grin

Fifthtimelucky · 29/07/2018 15:58

Sorry, wasn't very clear. I meant to say that you would not have breakfast and brunch on the same day (or brunch and lunch).

TheDarkPassenger · 29/07/2018 15:59

For us:
Breakfast
Lunch
Dinner OR tea.. we call them both.
Supper is toast or something before bed if you had an early dinner/tea.
Posh people call dinner/tea supper but I don’t know any posh people so 😂

I’m northern.. like proper northern though not midlands ‘northern’

TheDowagerCuntess · 29/07/2018 15:59

Tea is the evening meal, so I'd say the most neutral. Dinner is in the middle of the day! Supper is tea and toast in the evening...

But 'tea' isn't the evening meal for most English-speaking people, so how can it be neutral?

Breakfast is breakfast
Lunch is lunch

Agreed?

Tea can be morning tea, afternoon tea, high tea, etc - so not at all neutral.

Most English-speaking people will call the evening meal dinner, so by default, dinner is the most neutral.

Obviously, if you live in, say, the north of England - a teeny, tiny sub-set of the English-speaking world - then tea is the most neutral. But it's not the most neutral overall.

pennycarbonara · 29/07/2018 16:00

A cheese course is a separate thing. Only defined that way in relatively formal settings. Nothing to stop you eating cheese after your meal anyway if you feel like it. But it's not pudding / dessert.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/blogs-magazine-monitor-26526076

BertrandRussell · 29/07/2018 16:00

Do you mean neutral in class terms? Because there is no such thing!

dementedpixie · 29/07/2018 16:02

Brunch is one meal that would be instead of having both breakfast and lunch

pennycarbonara · 29/07/2018 16:02

Supper is used in the US but mostly only in the deep south.

@LeighaJ How do people use 'supper' there? Is it a straight synonym for 'dinner' or does it have the English connotations of a smaller or less formal meal?

21stCenturyMrsBennett · 29/07/2018 16:02

A cheese course is a separate thing. Only defined that way in relatively formal settings. Nothing to stop you eating cheese after your meal anyway if you feel like it. But it's not pudding / dessert.

cheese is rarely served as a separate course now, and in most restaurants you will find a cheese option listed on the dessert list, as an alternative to something sweet, not as well as. I

HereForTheLaughs · 29/07/2018 16:03

Im confused. Why would you, regularly, eat a slice of toast/bowl of cereal before bed, and name it anything i.e. 'supper'?
Wouldn't you just eat your evening meal - dinner- at an appropriate time and adequately, so that you don't need to eat again before bed?

qumquat · 29/07/2018 16:05

To me tea is the evening meal but where I now live in London that is called dinner by most people. Calling the evening meal supper is a generally a sign of being upper class (to me it's a bedtime snack). Go with what the people around you are using!

21stCenturyMrsBennett · 29/07/2018 16:05

Wouldn't you just eat your evening meal - dinner- at an appropriate time and adequately, so that you don't need to eat again before bed?

because some people like to eat smaller portions more often? Because some people eat early but stay up late? Because they take medication that is better with food? Because they like it?
Are you often confused by people doing perfectly normal things?

YearOfYouRemember · 29/07/2018 16:06

Born in the north, living in the south

Dinner - mostly I mean evening meal.

Tea - always evening meal.

Supper - usually toast before bed. Wanky/pretentious when used to describe a meal like dinner.

Longtalljosie · 29/07/2018 16:07

This is regional! You have to give us some sort of a clue where you’re from.

South - London and surrounding counties: dinner. Tea only if eaten by children very early or with sandwiches and cakes at 4pm. Dinner only referred to as lunch in the case of school dinners.

North: tea. Dinner is the midday meal. Evening meal: tea.

Brunch: you are right. Breakfast + lunch = brunch

Pudding - used by the upper and working classes to describe the sweet food you eat after the savoury food

Dessert: middle class word for pudding. Prince William and his chums do not say dessert. But most of the country does so don’t sweat it.

YearOfYouRemember · 29/07/2018 16:08

Lunches' second course would be pudding, same for dinner's. I'd never say a sweet.

NewYearNewMe18 · 29/07/2018 16:09

Supper, if we are talking 'poshness' is what the children would have in the nursery with nanny! Or it's a light meal after the theatre before going home.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, you cannot define social class to non British people. We cant explain it ourselves, let alone explain it to other. It's something that just is. People have this assumption because they have a degree or high paying job they have somehow moved up a class. Broadly it takes you three generations to move a social class. unless you're the Duchess of Cambridge

I'd go so far as to say, you could have hypothetical identical twins, separated at birth. One brought up by a Duke, and one on a council estate. Put them side by side after 20 years, wearing exactly the same clothes with exactly the same hair cuts, they wouldn't even have to open their mouth an you'd know which 'class' each of them belonged to. 'Class' is just something intrinsic that we evaluate on first impressions.

Every society has a hierarchy, just ours is a complete mystery to outsiders.