AIBU to ask which is the most neutral term dinner, supper or tea?

[ConfusedWife1234]

AIBU to ask which the most neutral term for dinner/supper/tea is? I am not a native speaker and I have been told that your usage of the word says a lot about ethnic ancestry, social class, if your are from the UK, US or another English speaking country, part of the country and so on. Which is the most neutral term and when do I use which one?

So in case of doubt always use the less posh alternative? Because some people on this thread have mentioned some people find the word supper pompous. Is this also true for other more posh word such as napkin or sofa?

There are some meal descriptions which have become phrases which bear little or no relation to the timing of the meal. Hence 'Sunday lunch' which can be eaten at any time on a Sunday afternoon, but it's always a 'roast dinner' and never a 'roast lunch' (for me, anyway - as you can tell from the rest of this thread, there's no one correct terminology).

Equally, it's always 'Christmas dinner' for me, and never 'Christmas lunch'. Then there's a 'fish and chip supper', not a 'fish and chip dinner'.

Cheese is not a dessert or pudding, it's a savoury - which used to be a course in a formal meal, and could also be something like Angels on Horseback. The savoury course has evolved into a separate meal which we (well, some of us!) now call 'supper'.

No, my question is more like: do the English think this is polite or do they think it is odd if a non native speaker codeswitches to adapt herself to region and social class? Because where I am from codeswitching is considered polite. I would think it's a bit patronising if I'm honest. Stick to the generally used terms first. It would be a bit odd of you decided that someone was 'working class' and you used the term 'tea' for the evening meal.

So in The UK the savory stuff always has to be the main course, did i get this right? So honey melon with Parma ham to pick an example would not be a good dessert/pudding for the English? Okay, I see. That‘s interesting I did not know that.
I need to go now but I am very happy about such a lively and interesting discussion. See you.

ConfusedWife1234

I don't consider jam and preserve as interchangeable. I expect a preserve to be a better quality product with a much higher fruit content.

I honestly think the only words which will never incur any sort of judgement are breakfast, lunch and dinner. They are the neutralest because they are what cafes and restaurants use. And what cooking programmes on the telly use. I don’t think there is a judgement free word for pudding/dessert/afters/sweet.

South East:

9am Breakfast

12pm Lunch

6pm Dinner - dessert after if you want it.

Tea is a drink. Although afternoon tea means with the little sandwiches, scones etc.

East of England and I say breakfast, lunch (midday meal), dinner (evening meal), and then supper is a little evening snack before bed.

Dinner is the most neutral term in most English speaking countries. Tea is what lower class/northern people use to describe dinner. Supper is a pretentious middle class way to refer to dinner, usually used by middle class/lower middle class londoners trying to sound upper middle class, they will often go further and call it a kitchen supper (perhaps in an attempt to mitigate the lack of a dining room). Pudding is the sweet course after the main course. It may be actual pudding but it may be something else sweet.

Napkin is the correct word, not the posh word. Ditto sofa. Supper is pompous because it is 'posh' in that it is a lower class attempt at passing off as upper class.

And never codeswitch. That is rude. Use the words you use and let other people use th E words they use.

So in case of doubt always use the less posh alternative?

No, just use breakfast, lunch, dinner. Don't chop and change, it would be quite rude to start using 'tea' because you consider someone to be working class.

Pennycarbonara - nope. Dcousin and I have been calling it tea/dinner for half a century now. Her suddenly referring to it as supper as well as declaring "it's wine o'clock" and "booking a spa day with the girls" AND saying "wow just wow" is doing my head in. I suspect she has discovered MN.

Do people really believe there’s people who deliberately use a different word than whatever they grew up with for their evening meal to sound “posh”?

That sounds utterly laughable to me. Why would someone do such a thing?

never codeswitch. That is rude. Use the words you use and let other people use th E words they use.

Rubbish. If I tell people in the North where I live I want to ask their child over for dinner, they will come in the middle of the day. Obviously I'm going to codeswitch from my original dialect if I want them to come at 6pm!

Likewise if they go into a shop in London and ask for a barm they will come out empty handed.
We all code-switch, if we want to be understood.

Die I don't do it to sound posh/not posh. I do it to be understood.

@drspouse I was more talking to the people who think that those who say “supper” are just doing it as an affectation.

If you want to really fit in when speaking English I would suggest ironing out some of the direct translations of your native language, e.g. saying and writing or typing "called this" rather than "called like this" because those are the kinds of things which mark you out as a non-native speaker. Confusion over make and do is another one.

OP,
So honey melon with Parma ham to pick an example would not be a good dessert/pudding for the English?

Umm 🙄

OP, you may not speak English as a first language but you clearly speak it extremely well. I’m confused by your ‘confusion’. It seems a bit strange that you write so well but claim to be so baffled by things like smoking rooms etc.

wowfudge but saying that is completely understandable to an English speaker.
Me asking a child over for "dinner" when I am using one meaning and the other family is using another - not so much.

None of them are neutral!

The “dinner ladies” of my childhood seem to have morphed into “lunchtime supervisors”.

So honey melon with Parma ham to pick an example would not be a good dessert/pudding for the English? Okay, I see. That‘s interesting I did not know that

That would be a starter in England (also in Italy/Spain etc, I've never seen it anywhere in the world as dessert)

Indeed - melon and ham is not a pudding but a starter.

OP, you may not speak English as a first language but you clearly speak it extremely well. I’m confused by your ‘confusion’. It seems a bit strange that you write so well but claim to be so baffled by things like smoking rooms etc. These were my thoughts as well.