To want him to feel the same about the DCs

[cricketmum84]

AIBU scares me a little so please be gentle. I'll try to keep this short but apologies if I miss anything out, I don't intend to drip feed.

Been with DH for 10 years, my DS was 3 when we met, DS bio dad has never had anything to do with him, never met him and never paid maintenance. He told me when pregnant that he wouldn't be in his life. This means that DH is the only father DS has ever known.

We have a DD together, both kids are aware that DS isn't bio son of DH but it's not an issue.

Had a huge argument with DH because he seems to be very negative towards DS, only speaks to him to pick on stuff he either hasn't done or has done wrong, he never starts up a conversation with him, praises him, asks him how his day was. It's got to the point where he will criticise, DS will look at me, then I feel like I need to over compensate and be extra nice to DS because his dad is being nasty.

Anyway during this argument DH admitted that he doesn't feel the same way about D.C. he feels he has never had a bond with DS and they don't understand each other. I grew up with my own DF feeling like this about me and I know that DS is picking up on this.

I just don't know what to do to fix this. DH now feels awful and says he is going to try hard to change and have a better relationship with him. I was all for LTB until I saw how remorseful he was.

Is this a normal this for blended families? How do I deal with this going forward? AIBU to think that he is a cold bastard when he can't bring himself to love a child he has been raising for 10 years???

I feel very sad for you. Some step-parents are marvellous and adore the child or children, especially if they've been in their life since infancy.

It's possible he feels more for your child than he realises, sometimes people don't really know until it's put to the test. Still it is hurtful for you.

@Crunchymum that's awful for your poor DP and a terrible story :( however what's happening in my home is nowhere near that bad. DH parents dote on my DS. I think from some of the comments I have had a lot of what's happening is more to do with teen boys being harder to deal with than young girls.

Op it's so damaging for a child to grow up with constant criticism. My mum loved us but was very critical of me in particular. I have huge self esteem problems and have never been able to make a relationship work more than a couple of years. My ex was abusive and at 37 I've resigned myself to never settling down. Honestly it sounds dramatic but that's how damaging this is

cricketmum84 when my DS was in teenage mode he did try and play my DP off against each other and I was always a little more protective over him as I was worried about him being treated differently. My OH made a couple of comments about his behaviour and attitude and suggested it was ‘genetic’. I wasn’t putting up with that nonsense just because he was a little challenging as a teenager. And tbh our DD is worse 😂