JetBlue bridesmaid

[mzmum78]

AIBU to think this "friend", the bride in question, is a massive bitch ? Just one of those awful entitled bridezilla who expects everyone else to prioritize her big day over anything else. Clearly this relegated bridesmaid had good reason for only being able to attend parts of the endless preparations and celebrations. In my opinion it would be the world to me just to have the person there when they could be and grateful for any effort made to do so.

What did you need bridesmaids to do OP?
My sister was my bridesmaid. She just walked down the aisle behind me and held my bouquet during the service. She had no tasks to perform.

mzmum - one of the US MNers would be better placed to comment, but I think that American weddings have more expectations for bridesmaids (and ushers) than we might think of in the UK. (I was also plucking a random number out of the air for illustrative purposes - maybe she only has 2 others; maybe she has 10. But she clearly wants one more active BM at the wedding, in order to have asked for the outfit back)

@LoniceraJaponica that's kind of my point. I had DSis and DSil. They came out for one night hens night with me and then walked behind me at my wedding and stood in photos!

Blimey!

She got the refund from JetBlue

Sorry, I completely missed the irony

@LoniceraJaponica it sounded more sarcastic in my head than it reads ha ha

I think they were as bad as each other.

@OlennasWimple I got that but my point is what duties are there actually to do ? And that I'd be thrilled enough with the effort taken by my friend

@OlennasWimple I'm in Canada and yes I agree it's like this. I have gawked when told by friends they had to buy their own (expensive custom) dress - I bought mine as I was asking them to be part of my day not asking them to go bankrupt for the honour. Doesn't make it right or normal and is still in my mind totally unacceptable to be such a bridezilla . And I also think this has seeped into British behaviour

Yeah I think I'm leaning toward the bride here too.
Who books a flight back on the day of the wedding, when you're a bm?
Traditionally bm receive gifts from the bride which is a thanks for doing something - well I suppose that could be just showing up but I thought it was to do with helping the bride with anything last minute that comes up, settling nerves, checking she's dressed right etc.

@Saloubalou maybe she has an exam? A meeting ? And honestly what last minute duties are there that one person could not achieve let alone multiple ?
If you care more about your bridesmaids being at your beck and call at all times rather than actually saying your vows & being with your husband at the reception, then your priorities are out of whack. This is why weddings have gotten out of hand & the parties associated.

Who books a flight back on the day of the wedding, when you're a bm?

The email mentions school so presumably someone who can't miss school on the Monday after a Sunday wedding?

Well all we can do is make up their back stories, we just don't know do we? I certainly wouldn't call someone a massive bitch, as you did, based on someone else's tweet.
We just don't know the full story.

What I think I should wrong here is
A) whatever went on between the two friends
B) the whole airing your dirty linen in public by posting a privately email on the internet, and
C) using this tweet as the basis of an aibu thread that draws loads more people in to pick over the bones of someone's broken friendship instead of anything original

The bride isn't blameless though she goes on about duties and responsibilities on the day but what responsibilities? Photos happen early so does walking down the aisle! After that it's just drinking and dancing no? A Sunday wedding was always going to be awkward for someone at school so maybe some more thought before she asked would have been good.

I think it's also the suggestion that she can
Just be replaced that has probably stung a bit too! The bride has handled it badly.

That said the bridesmaid isn't blameless either and she shouldn't have shared it so publicly!! And maybe she has been awkward through out who knows!

But it does go to show how ridiculous weddings are getting. This student was expected to fly across country for a hen weekend, (flights + accommodation + activities ect = £££) be present for pre wedding prep (what even is that I'm betting not cheap) accomodation for the wedding night, she's already brought her outfit and there are still these unknown duties that keep getting mentioned!

@Saloubalou I certainly wouldn't call someone a massive bitch, as you did, based on someone else's tweet. I was basing it on her email not the tweet

I think the bride was very civil and friendly. I don't understand the abuse she's had.

I'm actually shocked at the amount of people think the bride was ok. I guess I misjudged the importance!
I just can't imagine ever prioritizing my big day over a friendship

@Saloubalou I was under the impression that this was just a discussion about something in the media which I see often enough on here. If it's not "original" enough go and start your own thread

Well, taste is subjective, but I don't think those bridesmaids in white jumpsuits look good at all.

The bride wasn't prioritising her big day. She was saying, "I know you're busy - I need a bridesmaid to do X, Y, Z and because you're busy you can't do that. I understand that. Let's have a different bridesmaid and you can come to the wedding when you're free and leave when you like and take part because I'd love to see you." What's wrong with that?

I think the BM is white jumpsuits look like people wearing greensuits to have special effects added to them later....

I think that the point is that you don’t ask someone to not be a bridesmaid anymore because they can’t fulfill your (totally unnecessary) wishes. You can have an extra bridesmaid, instead surely? Given they appear to be paying for their own dress! I just can’t imagine being this rude to a (presumably close) friend because I wanted someone to be more dutiful.

@HollowTalk The bride wasn't prioritising her big day. She was saying, "I know you're busy - I need a bridesmaid to do X, Y, Z and because you're busy you can't do that. I know it's MEANT to sound reasonable but it really isn't and it is extremely passive aggressive

But what could she have said? The bridesmaid couldn't be there except for a flying visit. The bride had assumed she'd be there more often. What could the bride have done?