First post but long time lurker. I know there are lots of posts like this one, but would like some advice as feel stuck.
For context, both DH and I are teachers, and we have 3 children between 4yrs and 10yrs old. I have recently returned to full time work after nearly 11 years at home as a sahm.
Over this time at home, I've picked up all the childcare admin and all the housework manager type stuff. DH is happy to do housework but has to be told every time and won't notice things need doing unless it is absolutely obvious (i.e. piled up washing up, overflowing washing basket).
I also do all the stereotypical man jobs (sorry to be sexist, but trying to paint a clear picture) so all the DIY, painting, maintenance, fixing, etc.
I have been trying for several months now to get DH to take on more of the 'mental load' of the house and children, now I am at work. My DH is very happy to do any jobs, but I have to tell him everything . I knew there would be a period of adjustment, but he really still waits for me to tell him to do stuff.
I have had growing resentment over it, but two recent conversations have really been the last straw for me. Firstly, he recently went around one of his colleagues houses and commented to me about how dirty it was, and how he wouldn't ever live in a house like that...... but he doesn't use his initiative at home! And secondly, this morning, when I tried yet again to talk to him calmly about using his initiative, he says that I've always done it or told him to do it, and that I can't expect him to know what needs to be done. He said I wouldn't know what he does at work, so how would he know what needs to be done at home. 
I was so stressed by the end of term, that I decided for 5 days that I would not do any housework bar getting the kids sorted, cooking and one load of washing up per day. I also did lots of childcare admin during this time, so booking school meals, buying uniform, anything the kids needed etc. I hoped that as things built up around the house, he would see they needed doing and do it, but that didn't happen.
Having said that, for those 5 days, I felt like I'd had a proper break for the first time in a long time, I spent quality time with my kids, I read a whole book, and my brain felt calm - I felt like a new woman. Now, I don't expect to feel like that all the time, but I know that if he did things without me asking, it would really reduce my stress levels.
I don't want a cleaner. There's not so much that needs doing around the house that we can't manage it between us, as long as we are both doing it. My children also have a couple of age-appropriate chores each, like making their own beds, tidy their own toys, so they are a big help.
I said that if I printed out a list of what needed to be done housework-wise, would he look at it, and he said yes, but really I'm not sure that he would. 
And how do I share childcare admin?
Has anyone managed to crack a system of doing this? Or do I just continue to tell him everything? Why are women so often in this position? AIBU to never do housework again if I feel better for it? What's the point if no one cares but me?