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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Not photogenic

233 replies

Bubblylikechampers · 28/07/2018 13:52

Not AIBU but it really does piss me off!!

I'd consider myself fairly attractive. Not pretty, but definitely 'ok' looking.

I could take a thousand pics and I look absolutely awful. Yet most people no matter what are so photogenic.

Why is this? My holiday pics at the moment are depressing as hell.

Any one else find this??

OP posts:
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Bubblylikechampers · 30/07/2018 07:28

Metal- here's a selfie from last night. But bear in mind I took 7 to get a decent one. And still don't look how I perceive myself !

Not photogenic
OP posts:
Bubblylikechampers · 30/07/2018 07:33

And this was a 'professional' photo taken which I did like but still looked awkward

Not photogenic
OP posts:
Plughole3 · 30/07/2018 07:53

Used tom do modelling when younger & a lot is to do with angles & knowing them & bone structure. Plenty of models are less striking in real life vs photos & plenty of beautiful people don’t look it on film. I’m very photogenic which means I’m disappointing in real life! 🤣

DilianaDilemma · 30/07/2018 08:13

It's a bone structure thing for me:

I have quite an edgy face - not stunning but definitely attractive IRL. But I look miserable, haggard and old in pictures. It's as though every angle throws it's own unfortunate shadow - and, contrary to the conceived wisdom that the camera adds ten pounds - I look positively emaciated (whereas IRL I'm at the slim end of normal).

OTOH, I laugh at these ridiculous contouring makeup tricks that never quite look right in motion. I don't need this. My unphotogenic face actually has an all natural little hollow below the cheek bones.

So there's definitely ups as well as downs.

gamerwidow · 30/07/2018 08:33

find the best angle for you is good advice only if you don’t then then go on to use the same pose for every picture.
So many people do this now and it’s really boring because every picture of them looks the same. I get so sick of scrolling through social media going ‘oh it’s then again doing exactly the same face again)

Plughole3 · 30/07/2018 08:34

To echo others most people will look great when they are caught off guard in a candid photo because they are relaxed & smiling/laughing.

FeralBeryl · 30/07/2018 08:37

Budge up - room for another one?
Found my people here Grin
I went out the other night, I had my make up done, my hair done, new clothes, I'm tanned at the moment, I've lost a lot of weight. I Felt Amazing!
I got lots of compliments throughout the evening, as did DH on his beautiful wife which was nice.
But every single picture would dispute this fact. I look bloody awful.
I was convinced I must be like a self serving shallow Hal, or that Amy Schumer film. I'm just shocking.
Have learnt to deal with it now.

OP you are stunning, but agree with others, you seem really uncomfortable with the camera. Your last selfie pic smile reminded me of this emoji 😬
Let's try mean and moody and see where that takes us? Grin

PurpleArmy · 30/07/2018 08:48

I'm the same. The whole selfie culture has bypassed me as why take photos of yourself looking shit.

And yes to the Punch and Judy chin, I couldn't have put it better. Grin

We never had a camera growing up and I have very few family photos.

When I used to avoid all cameras, my brother who lives overseas said 'but maybe I want a picture of you purplearmy.' 🤔 That got me thinking.

And then all the photos of my partner and the kids - when I'm the main caregiver, I'm almost taking myself out of the story of our lives. . So, I've asked my partner to take more pics of me and my DC doing just every day stuff. Not for social media, but just to document our life for my DC to have.

I still look shit but the kids won't care.Smile

DickTERFin · 30/07/2018 12:25

PurpleArmy - I came to the same conclusion a little while ago and whilst the don’t actively seek to be in photos, I don’t avoid it either, at least not when I’m with the kids.

They couldn’t give a monkeys how photogenic I am but they may care that I seem invisible in their early life (or heaven forbid I die and they have no visual representation of our time together).

OP - you are gorgeous and not unphotogenic in the least.

ILoveMyDressingGown · 30/07/2018 13:37

And then all the photos of my partner and the kids - when I'm the main caregiver, I'm almost taking myself out of the story of our lives. . So, I've asked my partner to take more pics of me and my DC doing just every day stuff. Not for social media, but just to document our life for my DC to have.

I have the same attitude. I print all of our family photos as well as saving them in different forms and put them into albums. My children love looking through them and talking about the memories they bring up. It upsets me though that my husband never thinks to take any pictures of me. There are none of me with my children as newborns. There are none of me on our 1st family holiday. There are none of me at home just playing with the kids when they were younger. One day it dawned on me that if it wasn't for the crap selfies that I take of myself with him or the children or the soft, slightly blurred and out of focus photos that my kids have taken with their kiddizoom cameras, it would be like I'd never existed. I am as ugly as sin with a huge nose, a deep furrow between my eyebrows, graying hair, loads of chins, wonky teeth, spotty skin and wobbly belly and I don't like looking at myself in photos but I do like to think that my children will, when they're older and I'm no longer around. Yes, that might seem a bit narcissistic but I don't care; I'm a big part of their lives and I want them to remember me, remember how much I love them and the things I've done with and for them and the things I've taught them. Without photos it'd kind of be like I wasn't there. For that reason, I don't shy away from the camera and I do include myself in the family shots and albums.

AhhhhThatsBass · 30/07/2018 21:31

I think you look lovely OP and I wish we women weren't hard on ourselves. Can you imagine men sitting here thinking they weren't anything other than God's Gift. I had you at around 32 btw.

The second pic: the only reason it wasn't brilliant was due to the bad angle. If you have a look at any of the mean shots the likes of Now magazine and the Daily Mail put in their showbiz section, you'll see that most people don't look at their best from a bad angle.

There is that old expression that springs to mind: "I wish I was thin as I was when I first thought I was fat" or some such and you could apply the same to how you look. You'll be looking back in 20 years thinking you were an absolute babe back in 2018.

justbinthefeckinbyebyebox · 30/07/2018 22:21

I find it really sad, my ds(4) wants to have photos of me with him,
but I am so self conscious about it that they come out terrible.

I got a terrible red rash all over my neck and chest because of my fear of being photographed when
I got married many years ago, make up didn't mask it.

I want to get over myself, but can't. I do get 'real life' attention, so aren't exactly ugly (I hope)
I, also am not the right generation for selfies, mine are really awful!!!

Op, hopefully you can eventually look back and see how good you look, maybe not what you see,
but don't be ashamed, no make up, you look really great!!

Snotgobbler99 · 31/07/2018 00:06

Retired Pro Photographer here: There are thousands of tiny little factors that go into the creation of a good portrait. A few posters have mentioned some of the obvious ones but, seriously, it takes years to become a good portrait photographer.
Even if you know the trade inside out, there will always be people who feel so uncomfortable in front of a camera that it's almost impossible to get them to relax enough in order get a good shot. And, of course, the more 'unsuccessful' photos these people see of themselves , the more uncomfortable they will feel next time around...

There's no easy way to say this but there are pro photographers and there are pro photographers... And the pro who took your picture wasn't quite pro enough.
The camera angle is wrong, it's taken from too high above you and it's made you look like you've got no neck. Your position isn't flattering - it's too square on, making your shoulders look too wide. The background is terrible - the details on the wall are distracting. The lighting wasn't diffused enough and poorly directed, creating shadows and hotspots, but still leaving your eyes underexposed - effectively losing any colour in your eyes. The lens was too close and too wide-angle (making your nose look bigger than it really is). The makeup is okish, but it could be more flattering and still 'natural' (I wouldn't want to paint out the freckles). Worst of all, the photographer hasn't got you properly relaxed and so there's still a teensy element of doubt in your eyes and around your mouth.

As I said, it takes lots of tiny things make a good portrait and the above faults aren't tiny things.
Some of the problems above could be overcome with PortraitPro software but software makes people look a bit weird. Shooting a portrait properly in the first place is better.

Having said all that, I think you look lovely, it's the photographer who has let you down. Hope you didn't pay too much?

You should be able to find a better portrait photographer where you live. Look for someone who's been working successfully full time for a few years as a commercial photographer, not someone who has just bought a camera and calls themselves a pro photographer. Ask to see their folio but be prepared to pay for a proper job both for the photographer and a makeup artist (BBC trained makeup artists tend to be good). Lastly, make sure you like the photographer/makeup person, it really helps.

Good luck!

Aeroflotgirl · 31/07/2018 00:06

Bubbly wow those are beautiful photos, I think I look better in the mirror, somehow cameras make me looks absolutely dreadful. It also helps if I have styled me hair. YOu are very photogenic btw Smile.

MentalUnload · 31/07/2018 03:36

I see what you mean, you look a bit anxious which isn’t attractive even though you’re pretty. There’s a slightly furrowed brow and nervous smile. Snot wow now the $$ progressional photography fees make sense!

The80sweregreat · 31/07/2018 06:54

same here, any picture that is any good of me is rare!
my dh isnt any oil painting, but takes a cracking picture.
I avoid photos if i can.

The80sweregreat · 31/07/2018 06:55

Just saw your pictures OP!! your lovely, nothing wrong with that at all.
mine really are hideous!!

GeorgeIII · 31/07/2018 07:37

I think you have sloping upper eye lids which aren't what you see on models but imv make a face look kindly and friendly, so not a bad thing.
I have a long face and have found my resting bitch face is much friendlier if I shorten my top lip, so put a bit of a sneer on, it gives the appearance of lifting my mouth. Without doing a full smile.
Perhaps you could try that.
And your look is very intense, perhaps look just past the camera at something in the distance.
In fact looking at your pic again maybe you could try lengthening your top lip and keeping your mouth closed, so gentle smile rather than wide smile.
If you sit in front of a mirror and practice these things you can probably find a good photo position.
You look fabulous imv btw. I am photogenic but not good looking!

Ethylred · 31/07/2018 07:52

It's the photographer's fault.
I photographed my cool gorgeous sexy successful cousin the other day and made her look like a failed Essex girl who'd given up, let herself go and decided to eat pies all day. I couldn't recognize her in the photo.

P.S. Sorry Essex.

Mmer · 31/07/2018 08:05

I have the same experience. I hate looking at any photo of myself, but when I look at ones from a few years ago, I actually like them.

Ihaventgottimeforthis · 31/07/2018 08:13

I find this a bit Hmm. OP is worried she looks ugly in pics, posts perfectly normal/attractive pics.
Obviously there are many more people out there who are less attractive, ugly even.
I’m just wondering if you judge others by the same standards you apply to yourself and if not, why not?
Perhaps this is one reason why so many women are self conscious about pics - we imagine other women out there are judging us for how we look, relived they’re not as troll-like as we are.
It’s a shame.

MistyMistiness · 31/07/2018 08:35

I'm the same, OP. I really struggle getting nice photos of myself. People tell me I have an attractive face and I see an attractive person looking back at me from the mirror, yet photos do not resemble what I see in the mirror at all. For every 50 photos taken, maybe one will look ok.

Lougle · 31/07/2018 08:46

You are really very beautiful, but I think your photos, especially your professional ones, do convey a tightness around your mouth that tells the story of "oh crap, you're taking my photo!" If you could just fake it and pretend you loved having your photo taken, and loosen up your mouth, you'd probably get the photos you love, that makes it easy to have your photo taken!

Bubblylikechampers · 31/07/2018 09:47

Ihavenotime- the first two pics I posted are ones I'd consider myself to make 'me' look awful and completely different to what I see in the mirror. The second two are me more done up, something I would put on social media etc but still be critical of as it doesn't look like me.

I'm aware I'm not the ugliest nor the prettiest. But I am definitely not photogenic, which is what this thread was about.

A lot of posters have been honest about my awkwardness and certain features. Also lots have been overly kind with compliments. As I previously said before posting photos, I was not fishing for compliments or asking for people to rate my attractiveness. I also realise that beauty is subjective. But my point is that I am not in the slightest photogenic. Some posters have made good points about having an asymmetrical face, hooded eyes and an uncomfortable smile.

OP posts:
Bubblylikechampers · 31/07/2018 09:50

George- my eyes are definitely slopping! I have hooded eyes and my eyelids are lost! Sad eyes I call them 😂

OP posts:
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