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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be concerned?

43 replies

LoserMonA · 28/07/2018 00:04

Probably not the right place to post but I'm new and this site was recommended to me by a friend.

My Goddaughter is 3 and I have her Friday until Monday, have done since she was a baby. Her parents separated last year (both women) one parent has full custody while the other one has her once or twice a week ( don't think it's a solid thing) both parents have now moved on and are with different people. One of the parents is pregnant with her third child and the other one just moved her partner and her partners two children in. My worry is that my goddaughter is getting pushed out by the parent that has full custody, I see posts all over social media of her spending time with her girlfriend and her girlfriend's kids, taking them to theme parks, the beach, the park, soft play and stuff like that but she's never done anything like that with her own child, we took her on her first beach trip, theme park, holiday, soft play every week, bake and play games with her. We got her into a hobby that she absolutely loves and also competes in ( neither parent comes to watch her either) she loves coming here and we love having her but it saddens me that she's missing out on so much with her parents and they seem to forget they have a child when she's with us. I don't want her to grow up resenting them but I don't know how to approach the situation without causing unnecessary drama. I guess I just wanna know if it's worth saying something or not? So sorry for the long post.

OP posts:
ALemonyPea · 28/07/2018 00:13

Have you posted about this before?

Why do you have her for that long every weekend? I’d be cutting right back on that and making both parents take more responsibility for their child. You’re not her parent, they’re either taking advantage of you by allowing you to have her for so long or you’re too involved. If you had her less, which seems half the week compared to the parent who has full custody, they would have to step up.

4cheekymonkeys · 28/07/2018 00:15

Having her every weekend since she was a baby seems crazy, when have her parents spent any quality time with her?

Also what sort of hobby can a 3 year old compete in? That sounds a little intense to be honest.

Aquamarine1029 · 28/07/2018 00:31

Why on earth do you have this child for so long every single week? That's basically having 50/50 custody of a child that isn't even yours when she has 2 living parents! This doesn't make any sense and needs to stop.

KatieKittens · 28/07/2018 00:33

You say the mother doesn’t have form for taking her daughter on days out. It’s probably the girlfriend of the mother that is taking her children on trips and she is joining them.

Could it be that she views her child as being ‘busy’ at weekends with you and this hobby you are invested , therefore not think to bring her? She doesn’t sound like she considers herself to have full custody of this child - child spends 3 nights a week with you and one or two evenings with the other parent?

What is the reason for you looking after this child every weekend with sleepovers? Was it due to the mother’s working schedule? Now that two families are blended, is there really a need for this? It sounds selfish of the mother that she palms off her daughter every weekend. The other parent doesn’t sound much better - has she no interest in spending weekends with her daughter either?

On the other hand, could it be that the mother views her child as being busy at the weekends with you and this hobby, therefore doesn’t think to take her?

As for the posts on social media, does she put them up, or share pics that she has been tagged in? Sounds like she is desperate to impress new gf.

Birdsgottafly · 28/07/2018 02:17

Surely this would soon be changing with the child starting school Nursery and making Friends at school.

You could use that as way to start the conversation.

Is the RP the Birth Mother? Do they both have PR?

I think that she is probably tagging along with her GF and as her Child is with you, she isn't insisting on taking her.

It boils down to how it will be handled once school starts and it you want it to change now.

TheShapeOfEwe · 28/07/2018 07:27

That's so sad, the poor kid.

I agree with PPs that if you have her from Friday to Monday it does limit the time her parents have to do activities with her and share quality time. So I think it probably is worth bringing up with her mothers that you think you should reduce the amount of time she is with you to facilitate her having family time with them.

At the moment she essentially has 3 families and while that isn't a bad thing if it works, in this case it seems to be stopping her parents from actually raising her.

Suggest that you have her one weekend a month rather than every weekend if you still want to have her and feel she benefits, and I'm sure that in the other weekends she will start getting to do more things with her parents.

longwayoff · 28/07/2018 07:58

How to raise a confused child.

Clairetree1 · 28/07/2018 08:02

So the parent with "full custody" never gets her daughter for the weekend, and shares the week with her ex partner.

I don't think she is going to build up any sort of relationship with her daughter unless she spends time with her - why doesn't she have her at weekends?

Foodylicious · 28/07/2018 08:02

That's an awful lot of time not with her parents
Did this not get reviewed when they split either?
Seems incredibly unfair that the child gets less time with one of the parents than you do

sugarPlumFairly · 28/07/2018 08:07

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greendale17 · 28/07/2018 08:12

Why have you agreed to having her Friday to Monday every weekend since she was born???

Is this for real?

BrutusMcDogface · 28/07/2018 08:16

Eh? This makes no sense! What does a 3 year old compete in? Why doesn't she spend any quality time with her parents? Why do you have her every single weekend?!

LIZS · 28/07/2018 08:18

How can a 3 yo compete in anything! Maybe they feel she does all these things wth you so no need to do so themselves. Are the other children older ? If her parents work there will only be limited time for them to spend with her. Will you still have her when she starts school?

BrutusMcDogface · 28/07/2018 08:19

Don't they miss her and want to spend weekends with her? This is the saddest part Sad

NerrSnerr · 28/07/2018 08:20

Why have you always had her every weekend?

NaughtToThreeSadOnions · 28/07/2018 08:20

Im confused its almost like she has three parents. You would appear to have more time with her than either of her actual parents.

You have her friday to monday, i presume you mean friday evening to monday morning, but that only leaves monday afternoon to friday morning for the parents so thats 2 and half days each for all of you weird set up.

Neithsr mother has to be concerned for her or plan to have at the weekend because you have her.

FatCow2018 · 28/07/2018 08:24

I agree with PP, you sound far too involved and should stop this weekend arrangement. You say her mum doesn't do those things with her DD, but if she spends every weekend with you how can she?! Confused

MissusGeneHunt · 28/07/2018 08:28

I'm finding this whole scenario difficult to get my head around.... Poor child, if it's all accurate. Bring on the confusion of life... What 'hobby' does a three year old do so intensely? Team-play-dough?!

MissusGeneHunt · 28/07/2018 08:30

Oh, and yes, say something. I'm sure you love having her, and she loves being with you, but she's pushed from pillar to post and her parents need to take more responsibility.

ChaffyMcChaff · 28/07/2018 08:37

I had to read your post twice to make sure I'd got it right...you're not the parent, or indeed a relative (Godmother isn't a relative) and yet you have her 4 days/3 nights out of seven? So the 2 mums have her for 3 days/4 nights between them? Which means you are seeing their child WAY more than either one of her ACTUAL parents!!! Wow! This is crazy!

You know this needs to stop right? You're not doing anyone any favours here! Godparents do not take on majority childcare! That is so massively over-stepping 😮

wagil · 28/07/2018 08:42

Three year olds don't compete at anything surely. I'm assuming 3 is a typo.

Loveatthefiveanddime · 28/07/2018 08:42

A hobby that she loves and competes in....at 3? I just cannot imagine that scenario.

JagerPlease · 28/07/2018 09:24

Not sure why the suggestion of dv is being raised in this thread when there's no suggestion it has occurred, and the child clearly has 2 parents (however questionable the arrangement) so the Op cannot get legal rights.

This whole situation is really bizarre though. You say one mother has full custody but actually if the other has them 1/2 nights a week they actually have near enough 50/50. Hopefully Op will come back and explain why she has the poor child so much!

Orchidflower1 · 28/07/2018 09:30

Ditto why are you having the child every weekend? Are you related in anyway other than godparent? Is there a reason for this ie ss involvement ?

HSMMaCM · 28/07/2018 09:33

Maybe her new partner is seeing you doing all these wonderful things with her child and is trying to make sure the other children don't miss out by doing outings with them?

You need to have a chat with them about all of it.

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