Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be concerned?

43 replies

LoserMonA · 28/07/2018 00:04

Probably not the right place to post but I'm new and this site was recommended to me by a friend.

My Goddaughter is 3 and I have her Friday until Monday, have done since she was a baby. Her parents separated last year (both women) one parent has full custody while the other one has her once or twice a week ( don't think it's a solid thing) both parents have now moved on and are with different people. One of the parents is pregnant with her third child and the other one just moved her partner and her partners two children in. My worry is that my goddaughter is getting pushed out by the parent that has full custody, I see posts all over social media of her spending time with her girlfriend and her girlfriend's kids, taking them to theme parks, the beach, the park, soft play and stuff like that but she's never done anything like that with her own child, we took her on her first beach trip, theme park, holiday, soft play every week, bake and play games with her. We got her into a hobby that she absolutely loves and also competes in ( neither parent comes to watch her either) she loves coming here and we love having her but it saddens me that she's missing out on so much with her parents and they seem to forget they have a child when she's with us. I don't want her to grow up resenting them but I don't know how to approach the situation without causing unnecessary drama. I guess I just wanna know if it's worth saying something or not? So sorry for the long post.

OP posts:
sugarPlumFairly · 28/07/2018 09:37

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

JagerPlease · 28/07/2018 10:23

@sugarPlumFairly

Complete and utter nonsense. Which of their characteristics are you basing this on? The fact they're women? A former same sex couple? Mothers? Which of these make it more likely than not that they're perpetrators of Dv?

FASH84 · 28/07/2018 10:46

The most likely relationship for DV is male to female, somewhere between 25 and 33 percent, so how is it ever statistically likely? Statistically possible yes, not uncommon, yes, statistically likely, no. Do you get your statistics from the daily mail?

Peakypush · 28/07/2018 11:00

It's likely (statistically) that her mothers have been beating the shit out of each other.

What a bizzare thing to say? Care to back that up?

This is a very weird setup OP, is the RP the child's birth mother? You need to stop taking the child every weekend, Its a lovely thing to do but you're adding to what is no doubt already a confusing situation for her.

MidniteScribbler · 28/07/2018 11:03

I bet it's beauty pageants.

RebootYourEngine · 28/07/2018 11:09

What a bizarre set up. Why do you have the child every weekend? It seems a bit much for a child that isn't yours who has two parents who are present in the child's life.

Orchidflower1 · 28/07/2018 11:11

You also say “we” in your post OP- what does your dh / oh think to the set up? Unless there is a massive drip feed or as I said before you’re related it’s a very unusual set up.

Cuttingthegrass · 28/07/2018 11:16

It may be less confusing for the child if you chose to try to adopt her? At least there would be stability. What will happen when she starts school ? Very odd set up. Are the grandparents involved at all? Or the child’s father ?

Violetroselily · 28/07/2018 11:20

What is a 3 year old competing in?

The patent who is now pregnant with her third - who is looking after baby number 2?

HollowTalk · 28/07/2018 11:40

I'm dying to know which competitive sport this 3 year old does.

Cleanermaidcook · 28/07/2018 12:03

If you have her Friday to Monday and the other parents has her 2 days this only leaves the parent with full custody 2 days - hardly full custody!
I'm wondering the reasons? Is it mums choice and she actively chooses this or some other reason?
It leaves me feeling very sorry for the poor child who is not being given chance to settle in 1 place for any length of time.

WellThisIsShit · 28/07/2018 12:14

How has this situation arisen?

It does sound like the child spends the most quality time with you and has done from birth, so her parents will have this barriers to ever feeling like the main parents to their child.

Now, maybe there are very compelling reasons for this arrangement, or maybe it’s happened through circumstances that now no longer apply.

I’d really focus on your own part in the child’s life and ask some hard questions... are you causing the distance here, even by the absolute best of intentions? Or are you the saving grace in a neglect or abuse situation, in which case perhaps your role needs making more permanent so the child has more stability and understands who on earth they is supposed to be ‘their grown up’.

Having said all that, at least this child has a surfeit of adults, rather than no adults who love them.

upsideup · 28/07/2018 12:15

Of course YANBU to be concerened and you should definately speak to them about it, they need to step up.
Are you happy being basically this childs real parent?

upsideup · 28/07/2018 12:21

Why are people not beliveing a 3 year old can do a competitive club? My 3 year old competes in dance.

singleforalways · 28/07/2018 12:34

How bizarre, the whole situation.

Orchidflower1 · 28/07/2018 23:59

Also quite bizarre that the op has not replied when people have offered very sensible points/ ideas/ questions.

ALemonyPea · 29/07/2018 20:42

Yes how very odd Orchid. I’m sure op has posted about this before.

Tistheseason17 · 29/07/2018 21:04

If you enjoy having your god daughter and love her, and it doesn't interfere with your life then don't stop. You may be the pure joy in that child's life.

Her parents will realise themselves as she gets older and says something - just be there for her

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread