To ask how you would word a wedding invite.. Kids, small affair.

[INeedMoreCakeInMyLife]

OK so we had booked wedding end of next yr. And wanted it small. Everyone butted on with a load of ideas and I kept agreeing. ( don't ask), Thinking ah yeah that be good. Or yeah why not. Etc

Anyway the more I think of it I don't want the big reception, sweet carts, djs etc etc.

My reasons for this is my MH.. In particular anxiety is thro the roof at the moment and the though of having to arrange all that is just.. Bleugh! Not mentioning being centre of attention all day...
I don't want to stretch finances into any form of debt just to please others and we don't have tonnes of money either.

So anyway. We're thinking maybe something smaller. But had obviously discussed things with people.. We're also looking at bringing it forward, depending on dates available

So in my ideal World..
Registry office
Maybe 50 people ( big immediate family)
Meal after.

Wanted to put a message in invites.. That would state and apologise that it now would be Immediate family children only... Feel free to join for a meal at ( place)
( we obviously can't pay for everyone for a three course meal but would pay the bar tab?)

This would massively take the stress off me.. Low key affair.. Not having to have a proper dress.. Id get something nice in Debenhams or somewhere (I've only ever worn one dress before so this in itself puts fear in me.)
Dp and ds can wear nice trousers and shirt.. No need for suits. Dds nice dresses again maybe somewhere like Debenhams

Ok so you are basically sending out a notification uninviting people to a wedding you agreed on discussion with them but hadn't made any firm plans. Why don't you elope and get married with family and then throw a big evening party?! You can do buffet / canapés so that would cut down on catering. I am sure everyone would be very happy for you and glad to celebrate it with you. Personally I wouldn't send invites out asking people to pay for their own meals.

Hadn't invited in the first place just discussing so guess they assumed.
Catering etc was being done as a gift from a friend. But it's the reception / party that's filling me with dread

For god's sake don't pay the bar tab! Put what you can afford towards it and tell people they have X number of drinks, but don't say you'll pay it all. Or you could pay for the wine at the table, or something like that if you like, but you'll get a huge financial shock if you tell people it's a free bar.

I don’t think you need to apologise in your invite for changing your wedding plans.
I do think that you need to think a bit more about the meal after though; I’m not sure it’s fair to expect people to pay, it’d be better to pay for the food and leave people to pay for their drinks but also where would let you book for 50 people without wanting to be pre paid and pre ordered, it would probably involve using a whole restaurant and is likely to be quite complicated in how that then works

Hadn't thought of that lol.. It's just an idea.
I'm frazzled by it all to be quite honest.(

It's your wedding so do it how you want! You don't need to invite anyone you genuinely don't think you will be talking to in ten years. People often ask to be polite, some might be vying for an invitation but often it's not the case.

It’s not right to put the cost on your guests to pay for the meal. We don’t go out that often as family of five for a meal as it can be quite expensive so it’s a treat. I wouldn’t appreciate doing so at someone’s wedding. You can have a buffet or afternoon tea and finish early.

Everyone that we'd invite to wedding we see all the time.. Can get that to maybef 50 without friends kids.. With kids it's 70 plus.
We have a few places that book for things like weddings, Chinese etc that do a buffet... But know many don't like Chinese.

It's looking like we will have to stick to the party /reception after then :/

I don’t think it would be quite the “done thing” to send invites when you’re expecting people to pay for themselves, it’s not really an invite if you’re not picking up the tab.

However I think it would be really nice if you said to people, face to face, “we’re getting married on x date at the register office, you’re welcome to come and we’ll go for a meal to x restaurant afterwards where we’ll be splitting the bill, I’ll need to book a table so let me know if you’d like to come.” and that way it’s more informal and asking face to face is more personal.

It's totally fine to ask for children not to come. have you got a venue? what time of year? For budget I would go, pub garden BBQ, ask friends to make cakes for dessert (if pub allows) ...?

In your situation I would go and get married with both sets of parents and go for a meal.

Then a week later have a party, a bbq, a shindig.

Provide food.....sausages in rolls, ice cream cornets
Provide soft drinks
Provide music

Ask people to bring a bottle.

It will be amazing and you can show the video of your wedding on a loop through the evening.

TBH, I'd be less than impressed at being invited to a wedding and being asked to pay for my own meal. Totally understandable that you don't want to spend more than you can afford, but in your situation, you may be better just having a very small wedding (parents, siblings and grandparents) and paying for a meal for them in a nice pub.

OK thank you.. I'll stick to our plans. Just have to suck it up and I'm sure it will be OK.. Have a while to get my head round it all I guess..
With a reception it was only going to cost the table Dec's and cake as venue is being given to us, as a friend owns it. Catering from same friend as gift. Best mate has sweet cart.. (only have to buy sweets) which is why it appealed partly in the first place as wouldn't be mega pricey

Yep me too Calzone

Don’t apologise on your wedding invite. Invite who you like. But pay for the food. A cash bar is far better than charging people for the meal.

How about a set menu/meze type set up? No stress about pre ordering, something for everyone etc.

Don't feel guilty for keeping it small. I wouldn't begrudge paying for our meals if it was a close friend of family as itd be important to us to be there. We're going abroad next year for my best friend's wedding. Not somewhere I'd choose but I want to be there for her so it doesn't matter.

Why don't you get married on NYE and take your parents and siblings for a meal. Then go home and have a NYE party - just a regular party with drinks, casual food etc? You can order party platters and have cocktails etc and you don't have to worry too much about numbers.

The 50 people is just parents, siblings, their kids, grandparents and best friends. We both have huge family's.. We don't have a garden to bbq here.

My pp showed regarding Venue.. Cross Post. So that would of been sorted but I just have a horrible feeling about it. I'm sure I'd get used to it..

I don't understand why you have to suck it up? Can't you still have a low key wedding ceremony and a party a few weeks after? No need for table decorations of sweet carts. Seriously it's your wedding it's meant to make you happy not everyone else.

Sorry another cross post. I hope it goes well OP, I had huge anxiety with mine but loved it in the end! Definitely the one of best days. Good luck xx

We did this, sort of, but without discussing anything before. We didn't even get engaged. But, we invited the people we wanted there three weeks before and swore them to secrecy. Ceremony at local registry office followed by dinner at niace local deli cafe place that did us a buffet of lovely beef bourginon and pulled pork with sides, we served the cake for pudding. Everyone got own drinks. It was amazing and also cost approx £1k all in. Rethink the plan, decide what is essential, ignore the rest.

Say no to the stuff that you really don't want (table decorations and sweet cart aren't strictly necessary - neither is a dress, if it is going to make you anxious)

I'd rethink the wedding.

Village Hall - £200 (around me), caterer (friend recently got married and had afternoon tea for £15/head - so £750). Perhaps get married at 3pm. Sit down for £5. Everyone waves you off on honeymoon at 8pm? So 1k for village hall and afternoon tea. Perhaps another 2k for registry office, dress, decorations, invites etc. You might need a bar firm or instead just put some drinks on a table for guests to help themselves too. Any money left live music - jazz band? I've seen friends have bbqs at a old barn they've hired, weddings in their garden where they have done their own food, an afternoon tea caterer etc. All getting married without spending a fortune. It can be done.

I would avoid asking for a contribution.

Dp working NYE! Which sucks. Good. Idea tho.

OK so.
It's more the fancy table Dec's etc at venue (whixg is a pub, being closed for us to have private) and all the 'expected stuff, balloons etc etc.. I dislike too)

So thinking if we kept that, but kept it more simple, so what about a daft poem saying you know us we like no fuss, so join us for a simple no frills shin dig after. At ( place), then I feel. I can't be judgedor whatever and make me feel bleugh

• we are very plain, simple living people who like to have fun

I don't like sweetie tables. Don't even like sweets. Just a gimmick to me. The friend who had a bbq picked up her wedding dress in a charity shop for £50.