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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think I can build a career for myself with 3 dc after being a sahm

51 replies

Anothernamebobbybo · 27/07/2018 19:11

Is a possible to make a career for myself later in life if I've been a sahm?

I have been at home for the last 11 years and have 3 children. I have now got a job that includes lots of on the job training with professional exams and there seems to be the opportunity to progress after a few years. I'll be working full time and have an hour commute. I'm really looking forward to it and think I'll enjoy the role and the training that comes with it. Obviously I'm expecting a big adjustment period for me, dh and dc but I think after finding our rhythm it'll all work well. Dh has changed his working hours too be able to do nursery and school pick up.

I thought it all was perfectly reasonable and we had planned well. But I've had some very mixed reactions about building a career at 33 years old with 3 children. Reactions from friends and dh's siblings who all work part time has been quite negative.

So mothers who work, particularly those who have 3 dc or those who started their career after having dc, aibu to think I can build a career for myself? Is it possible to have a full time job, with lots of training and some exams with 3 dc and a commute?

OP posts:

Loopytiles · 27/07/2018 19:13

Of course yanbu: congrats on the job!

Busybeez123 · 27/07/2018 19:15

Of course you can. I have 3 and a successful professional career and a 1.5 he commute. I’m not going to lie it can be chaotic and crazy, but frankly I think that’s just working with children. Congratulations on your job - you can do this!

Zioanna · 27/07/2018 19:18

Of course you can! You’re only 33, you’ve got a lot of working years ahead of you.

Bottleup · 27/07/2018 19:19

Of course you can! Good for you for your positive attitude. It might not be easy at times but if you're committed then you'll fly. Congrats!

Original poster

Anothernamebobbybo · 27/07/2018 19:21

Thanks both. Was beginning to doubt myself.

Busybeez123 it it really manic? Any tips or suggestions for things I can do/put in place to make the transition easier?

OP posts:

MistressDeeCee · 27/07/2018 19:22

They're just jealous. I was a SAHM for years and also self-employed. Now that DCs are in their mid-20s I do self-employed bit very occasionally and only when I feel like it. I've been in a part-time job since last year and have just been offered a senior position. Prospects are good, likely even better if I go full-time but no rush to decide about that. & I'm 55 OP so I've got years on you! Congratulations💐

Original poster

Anothernamebobbybo · 27/07/2018 19:22

Oops I said thanks both when there was only two replies.
Good news that all the replies are positive (so far)

OP posts:

ThistleAmore · 27/07/2018 19:26

If you're having a bit of a wobble, look at it this way - you say yourself you have no career history, so your new employers must have recognised something in YOU that they like and are willing to invest in.

Yes, YOU: not bits of paper, not shiny awards, not multi-million projects led, but you, as a person, and my god, if that doesn't make you feel good then I don't know what will!

Good luck and enjoy it.

SalutingMagpies · 27/07/2018 19:26

YANBU. Sounds like you’ve thought it through and have the support of your DH. Ignore any negativity, you know what’s right for your family. Good luck with the training and exams.

emummy · 27/07/2018 19:28

Well I hope you can; I am entering my last year at the OU and hope to be starting a new career next year after 6 years out and 3 children. I am 47. Go for it OP and good luck!

earlgreymarl · 27/07/2018 19:28

Yes you can! It will be a huge adjustment, but is possible ( I have just done it - well since march) and you will find it rewarding to be something more than in the caring role only. I have found it quite liberating and not as hung up on the small stuff of housekeeping etc as I thought I would be.

Good luck and well done!

Newface · 27/07/2018 19:30

33 is no age at all! Congratulations!

I’m 36 (37 this year 😩) so you have a head start on me! I have a basis for a career but have 10 bitty years because of DCs. I’ve just got back into the game with a FT role and looking to do the same thing.

Cheerbear23 · 27/07/2018 19:31

YANBU! Well done OP, go for it.

Metoodear · 27/07/2018 19:32

No I am afraid

You can have a job but not really a career

That said unless you put all the children in full time childcare which means you will earn nothing or your dh dose most of the donky work

Most marriages somone has to scarfice and the more children you have the less likey you can achieve the big career if you had a childmider witch is the cheapest form of childcare you would be looking at least £900 per month for the 3 of them in London and monied areas more the hassle when somone has chicken poxs ect is not worth it my mate has 4 jobs she’s had to resign after 9 weeks of illness from her kids one got hand foot and mouth off for two weeks then one by one they all caught it then she got ill she just couldn’t get back to work she’s used all her leave and couldn’t afford to pay for 4 in holiday club her dh gets fixed holidays as he works in a factory and they shut down certain tones of the year so he’s no good

WegmansCookies · 27/07/2018 19:33

You are inspiring me, OP!! I am also about to go full-time with a 1-hour commute, after 7 years as a SAHM. I'm 35. We can do this! It's an investment for the whole family which will ultimately benefit the children. Not least because they will see their mother using and valuing her education and skills in a professional capacity.

Penisbeakerismyfavethread · 27/07/2018 19:34

My mother started uni with 3 D.C. when we were 7, 11 & 12 aged 43 and managed to be on a £75k a year salary within 10 years of her graduation.
Of course you can.

Congratulations and well done.

BrieAndChilli · 27/07/2018 19:38

Hopefully you can!!
I’m 37 and for 10 years I worked part time, for years in a restaurant and then a couple of years working from home. This year I’ve got a ‘proper’ job and although not quite full time it’s not far off. With 3 kids it’s really hectic and I can’t afford a Gardner/cleaner so some stuff has gone to pot but we are muddling through. I love my job and the company I work for so I’m determined to make it work.

Penisbeakerismyfavethread · 27/07/2018 19:38

Also my dad did and and still does 50 hour weeks in retail whilst my mum was as uni. Ignore the “you’ll have to make sacrifices” or “you can have a job and not a career”
there was no massive childcare thing. My mum got us when she was at uni, unless she was on placement when I would get my little sister from primary and walk her home.

You can do this.
You are fab

timeisnotaline · 27/07/2018 19:41

Of course you can (side note to other posters - most set ups don’t require a full time childminder once dc start school and if the op has been parenting for 11 years it seems highly probable some are at school)
I have friends working who are still having dc - friend who is 4 days in a corporate job had dc4 this year. If it’s about the break length my mum was stay at home , with 6 children. She started working when the youngest was 8 so 21 years out, she has been promoted several times for being exceedingly competent and earns a very respectable salary. Less about the break period but my aunt always worked a professional job with 6 dc.

Cheerbear23 · 27/07/2018 19:45

metoodear is there really any need to piss on the OP’s chips like that?!?!
Getting a job after 11 years of being a SAHM is massive achievement. The OP is also talking about studying and passing exams which is hard once you’ve got out of the knack of learning revising etc - absolutely not for the faint hearted.
The OP may well have to work until she’s 67, which is 30 +years to build a career. I think that’s enough time
Working FT with kids and a commute is doable, millions of people will do this every day in the UK.

Newface · 27/07/2018 19:53

Also wraparound care is an absolute lifesaver. Although holidays are hard. I wish the government would tackle this with subsidised kids clubs over the holidays, given we’re contributing to a healthy economy.

Unfinishedkitchen · 27/07/2018 19:57

It’ll take some adjustment but it’s possible to do well. You’re starting off on a good foot by having a very positive attitude. You’ve got this!

Plughole3 · 27/07/2018 20:00

I was going to say that you may struggle to find the career/job as that’s the hardest part but you already have that nailed. Well done!

I gave up my (10 year) career at 32 after DC1 & spent 3 years working in part time jobs unsure if I would find satisfaction again (had DC2 during that period too). This year I started a new job which has turned into a fab opportunity with lots of progression. I’ve been so excited at the prospect I have often worked extra days (meant to be 3). My boss is 50 so there’s plenty of scope for me & many years of toil left!

GogoGobo · 27/07/2018 20:01

Yes you can and if you persevere you will! Good luck!

niketrainersarecomfy · 27/07/2018 20:05

I did aged 30 with 2 kids. You just need determination and good childcare

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