To think I can build a career for myself with 3 dc after being a sahm

[Anothernamebobbybo]

Is a possible to make a career for myself later in life if I've been a sahm?

I have been at home for the last 11 years and have 3 children. I have now got a job that includes lots of on the job training with professional exams and there seems to be the opportunity to progress after a few years. I'll be working full time and have an hour commute. I'm really looking forward to it and think I'll enjoy the role and the training that comes with it. Obviously I'm expecting a big adjustment period for me, dh and dc but I think after finding our rhythm it'll all work well. Dh has changed his working hours too be able to do nursery and school pick up.

I thought it all was perfectly reasonable and we had planned well. But I've had some very mixed reactions about building a career at 33 years old with 3 children. Reactions from friends and dh's siblings who all work part time has been quite negative.

So mothers who work, particularly those who have 3 dc or those who started their career after having dc, aibu to think I can build a career for myself? Is it possible to have a full time job, with lots of training and some exams with 3 dc and a commute?

I think what you're coming up against is envy and defensiveness on the part of people who wish they had your chutzpah. Definitely doable and will only get easier as your children get older.

I’m sure you can do it, but be prepared for the fact that life doesn’t necessarily get easier as children grow up. Teenagers are much harder going than 8-12 year olds. So maybe plan to put a few hard years in, with a view to reducing hours as they get to a trickier age.
Good luck.

Thanks for all the positive posts and support really appreciate it. I'm happy to hear negative stuff too. Give me things to think about that I may not have considered.

DreamingofGlasgow my dd is 12 and I can already see the beginnings of teenage drama and hormones creeping in. It's only now that she's older I real

Posted too soon.

It's only now she's older I realise how much easier it would be to have built a career while kids are little. I did my degree while she was small but she has an illness that made it really challenging for me to commit to working. Now she's older my dh can take shared care for her and she can manage lots more independently which means I can reliably work which feels awesome

Huge, huge congrats op!!! You sound very prepared and organised. Of course you can do this! You are still very young.Please don't let others piss on your chips.
People can be strange and I find that it can be a bit of projecting. I also had kids youngish, I work flexibly but on a freelance basis in a job that I love. I get asked all the time when I will get back to real work .. It's a real job in a creative field that I qualified for in University. I have recently, very happily increased my hours as my youngest is getting older. I was pretty much a sahm for years but worked around 20 hours evenings/weekends. I find that my friends who are the same age as me now are just starting to have kids can be a bit almost resentful. I see it all the time in MN "I am soooo glad I had kids late 30's, I'd hate to have not lived before", "you'all never get a job after being a sahm etc. Some of these statements are probably well-meaning but I think some are also projecting about their own choices.
I did my degree/masters and managed having a life before I started having kids at 28.
You have many more years of work left and well done on your new job, new chapter!

I know my post sounded negative- but I was just offering some realism, because people can think all the hard work is when they are young. It changes, but can be really hard when they get older, so I do think it’s worthwhile making sure someone is around as much of the time as possible.
That said, I do think teenagers respect you for working, and it’s good for them to see you in another light.

DreamingofGlasgow I didn't take your post as negative I think it's very true that it's gets more challenging as kids get older. They need you in a very different way to when they are little don't they. My dd definitely needs us more 'present' now than my younger children do.

Just realised I wrote this post after I name changed for another thread. So I'm op

Go for it op - 33 is no age! Ignore pp talking about job not career as that is bollocks if your dh is willing to work at this too then no reason why you can't make a success of it. Healthier relationship dynamic too with each partner pulling their weight financially as well

That’s great, BobbinsBoo1. I did think you might take against that post. I’d just had another night of supporting my 18 year old daughter- she has an illness which is complicated and makes her more immature than she should be. I do need to be around a surprising amount for my teenagers. And I know some can get into drugs/alcohol/ sex at a disturbingly early age. Hence my post.

But it sounds like you’re really switched on, and going into it with your eyes open. I don’t work, and it would make our family life too difficult if I did. I think people get a lot out of work, just make sure you get the balance right. Good luck (again!)

Sorry just coming back to this. So I would say the following:

1. Pay to outsource things where you can - so for example, cleaner.
2. Get organised - I have a blackboard in the hall and every weekend write out key dates for that week, if anything is needed (i.e £1 for non-uniform day on Friday). Also future dates so plays/concerts etc, get them in the diary and work out who is going to cover them.
3. Batch cook/easy meals (freezer tapas is my speciality).
4. Get your children to be independent - mine are 6,4 and 2 and they have to get themselves dressed (well older ones have to help younger ones). They can all get their own shoes and coats on.
5. Online shopping for groceries - set up a regular order
6. Accept things will go wrong. There will be days where one of the children is sick, your trains are late and you have an important meeting and you will think, "this is too much", but remember its just a day and you will get through it.

Just remember you can do this!

Of course you can. But, speaking from someone with a professional career and having had 3.5 years off, it hard. And after 11 years it will be harder than you think. Technology changes for a starts.

I started back last year and I am nearly 50! I have just got promoted. I love being back at work and the DC have adjusted fine. Ignore the naysayers, you can do it!

Fantastic, go for it with every part of your being.
You will prove the naysayers wrong just by doing it.

Hi - I think the fact that dh will be doing the school pick up every day will be great for everyone. My dcs do 2 mornings & afternoons a week with a childminder (who's great ) and we find that's enough. I'm a Nursery teacher & find a lot of the kids who spend the majority of the week in wraparound care can struggle with tiredness & just want to be at home. Good luck with your new job - hope all goes well 👍🏻

Don’t listen to the disapproval, some people can’t cope when others make a different choice to them. It says more about them than you.
Yanbu, enjoy it.

@Metoodear What utter rubbish, it's perfectly possible to build a career with DC's in tow. It's not easy but then very little worth while is.

I worked in a profession for 4 years before becoming a SAHM, then returned part time after a ten year gap. I chose not to take on any addition responsibility while my youngest was still at primary school, but then progressed rapidly and worked in a very senior position for 15 years before I retired. It definitely can be done.

I think nowadays getting the job is the hard bit & you’ve already done that!

I am a single Mum of two & work FT in a corporate role. Anything is doable if you want it badly enough.

Congrats OP! Yes of course it's possible, most people I know are doing it including me. I had a career before DC and my time off was just 2 mat leaves, however career has really taken off since DC.

I agree with everything Busybeez said. I do all those things. I also have a very supportive DH and flexible, good wrap around childcare which helps.

My DC are 10 and 7. They still need me around regularly and I Skype then if I'm away with work, but it has definitely got easier as they get older.

I'm going back to work after 4 years off and I've signed up for a p/t post grad course I need my head examining You'll do great OP you just need to put a rota & calendar in place so everyone can see what they're supposed to be doing and when.

After I returned to work after my first mat leave I did the following:

• cooked double portions and froze the second portion for another day *Online grocery shopping & delivery *booked a mobile hairdresser in every 2 months to cut the whole family's hair one evening
• booked next dentist etc appointment when I was in for my regular check up
• looked online for cheap gift ideas and bought multiple cards & gifts for birthday present drawer
• bought a stash of wrapping paper, bags & tags on offer
• load the washing machine the night before and set it up on a delayed wash cycle so it's ready to hang out before you leave for work
• get kids to tidy up after themselves
• wash baskets in all bedrooms so children are responsible for their own washing. If it's not in the basket, it doesn't get washed.

PortSouth that hairdressing solution is inspired! I'm definitely nicking that idea

My cousin had 20 years off, retrained at 40 and was a senior partner in law firm before she retired....so yes, you can. It takes organisation and determination, but it's possible.

I've had almost 10 years off after a professional career and I don't want to go back to that as DH has a 'big' job and travels a huge amount, so the two of us doing that isn't compatible with four children, but I did find a very flexible, high paying part time job after all of that time out of the workplace, so it's possible and I'm looking forward to doing more once my younger two are out of primary school - it's just a matter of will (and having a supportive husband/partner who will shoulder their fair share of the domestic side of things).

Well done and good luck!

I went back to ft work at 40 in a fairly junior position in a slightly different profession (poacher turned gamekeeper) with 3 DC.

I’m now in a more senior position, earn more than I did pre children.

I think experience and maturity has brought me confidence and children have put work into perspective.
Thus means I can now handle significant pressure in a way that would have been hard to handle 20 years ago.

But

• if you have a partner you both have to step up on childcare and housework.

• it is exhausting. When I’m ironing school shirts on a Sunday night while looking ahead to

Yet another intense working week it can feel overwhelming.

• you will have support and camaraderie from other working parents. You get women will look to you to demonstrate that working ft with children can be fine.

Good luck

I’ve got 3 kids and a career! Ignoring the fact that I’d love it if the pp was right and my chokdcare bill was as little as £900 a month (it’s a lot more!) it’s perfectly fine. Bonkers, a bit mental, but fine. I’m going back full time in September and mine will be in wrap around / Nursery 5 days a week.