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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be dreading the Christmas party already?

50 replies

Notjustaname · 27/07/2018 18:38

Following on from the thread about not liking big group interactions, was wondering if anyone actually enjoys their work Christmas parties? Admittedly I am introverted and don't generally enjoy big gatherings but Christmas parties are a special form of torture. The forced conversations, the one person who drinks too much and starts getting increasingly belligerent, the yapping on about nothing at all...I could go on but you get the idea. I love chatting with my colleagues at work and think they're all lovely people but they've started talking about what to do for the Christmas party already and how much they're looking forward to it, and all I can think of is, how do I get out of it?! It's easier in big workplaces but in small ones like mine it's practically impossible without seeming very rude.

AIBU or do people actually look forward to their Christmas parties?

OP posts:

ConciseandNice · 27/07/2018 18:41

YANBU. They’re awful. If I were you I’d just not go.

Grandadwasthatyou · 27/07/2018 18:41

Have always hated the office Christmas party with a passion but probably because I'm anti social.
When I worked for a large organisation the whole building used to finish work after lunch and each floor would have its own party. I used to absolutely dread it and used to sneak off home when nobody was looking.

ShinyMe · 27/07/2018 18:44

I never go to work dos. You just have to be firm and keep repeating 'it's not for me' and then don't go. I used to make excuses, and the thing is people then try to find ways round it. No transport? They'll give you a lift! No money? They'll buy a round and lend you a tenner. Got another appointment? They'll swap the day! In my experience if you just say 'I appreciate you inviting me, that's kind, thank you. But it's really not my thing.' and repeat as necessary, they learn to accept it.

Having said that, I recently left a job after 11 years and my boss, who knows how much I hate social events, seriously nagged and NAGGED me to have a leaving do.

Original poster

Notjustaname · 27/07/2018 18:54

@ShinyMe my workmates would be the same, offer whatever they could to encourage me to come. I'm sure my boss would also take me to one side and ask why I wasn't coming. I hate making a fuss so that's why I usually just stay quiet and go (and grit my teeth through it!).

OP posts:

Wateroffaduck · 27/07/2018 18:56

I don’t normally go to Christmas parties but I started a new job last year and thought I would make an effort and go. Bloody disaster, the company got taken over last year and there was a them and us attitude. Nobody spoke to me, everyone was in their cliques, I tried mingling and talking but just get anywhere.

In the end I gave up and hammered the free bar. Then left early.

Never ever going to one again.

Wateroffaduck · 27/07/2018 18:58

didn’t get anywhere

chillpizza · 27/07/2018 18:58

They should be banned. Everyone and their bloody dog will want to know why you can’t go and try and force you. It’s just as bloody bad for the managers as they are expected to attend due to their role. I don’t care if it’s fully paid for it’s outside of work hours, requiring childcare and eaither boring as hell or someone gets too drunk and the whole place ends up knowing their last sexual encounter.

Fluffyears · 27/07/2018 19:01

YANBU. I bloody hate it and it’s always ‘how come you aren’t going?’ Because I see enough of you lot and i’d like to see people I choose to spend time with, I want to keep my money for Christmas thing I actually enjoy and I don’t really like many of you as you are arseholes in general

ForalltheSaints · 27/07/2018 19:02

It should never be obligatory even if the company pays for everything. The OP should decline at the earliest opportunity.

Fluffyears · 27/07/2018 19:04

Ooooh hang on I actually do have and excuse this year....a friend has a significant birthday at around the same time so I can pretend they clash and Facebook check in somewhere (i’ve Found if you search on the check in you can say you are anywhere)....

AutumnGlitterBall · 27/07/2018 19:05

Ours will be one of the Hydro hotels party nights with an overnight stay. Mediocre food, music too loud to talk over and then everyone ending up in the one room bitching about folk and getting pissed on the carry-out brought earlier. Total waste of the last two days off before Christmas (emergency service). I just don’t go anymore.

Seniorschoolmum · 27/07/2018 19:07

I normally avoid them but last year was much better.
New v small company, rooms or taxi booked for everyone, free bar, good meal pre-ordered, shared venue/dj with another two companies so you had a choice of who to talk to, table games for those who wanted them. Had a really good time.

WorraLiberty · 27/07/2018 19:07

Just tell them you're not going because it's not your sort of thing and then stick to it.

No-one's going to care as much as you do.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 27/07/2018 19:09

@Notjustaname - I think you would be entirely justified in telling a white lie - when the date of the party is announced, just say that it clashes with a family wedding/significant birthday and you can’t get out of it.

I am an introvert, and don’t like big parties, so I can really empathise.

hmmwhatatodo · 27/07/2018 19:09

I remember years ago I worked somewhere and we were given a choice of a party or something like a £20 bonus. I think only 2 people wanted the party!

Kaykay06 · 27/07/2018 19:14

It’s not compulsory to go, some people enjoy them. Or organise something nice for people. Maybe organise dinner with friends from work at Christmas instead.

Add: I don’t go to mine, we have 2 due to shifts. So I work them and let others go as our lunch is far away and leaves me no time to pick up kids, I have to drive so dashing off whilst everyone is enjoying themselves is shit

BlueJava · 27/07/2018 19:15

I don't go. I don't actually say I'm not going otherwise people pressurise me "Oh, come on, you'll love it". I sound vague but positive about going. Then I just don't turn up. I don't even bother with an excuse. I recently left a company to work for another and collegues were going on about a leaving do. I said thanks, but I didn't want one and wouldn't go. I just kept the exact date of my last date quiet, then said goodbye on the last day and left.

user1andonly · 27/07/2018 19:28

I hate them too.

Once worked somewhere where attendance was expected and, if someone claimed a clash, the dates would be changed so that everyone could go.

One woman was notorious for feigning enthusiasm and then coming up with ever more bizarre and flimsy excuses at the last minute - can't say I blamed her tbh!

DesperatelySeekingSnoozing · 27/07/2018 19:34

As the organiser of the Christmas party I dread going because I get stressed out about it all and whether people will enjoy it. In my last job, i worked for a huge tech company where no expense was spared and they were always good and we gave everyone the choice of a hotel or a cab home and people still found things to complain about.

In my new job, an office of 70 there is one woman, a manager who doesn't ever come. Won't book the day off as holiday so stays in the office but doesn't want to answer the phones or take in any deliveries.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 27/07/2018 19:35

YANBU. I hate it and stopped going. Then they changed it to a lunchtime so we either have to go.

Cismyass · 27/07/2018 19:44

You have plenty of time to invent a get out, do the leg work and start the build up to the reason why you cannot go. At 38 i no longer do stuff i don't want to and if that makes me a belligerent rude antisocial fucker, well i can live with that .

Gardenpicnic · 27/07/2018 19:46

I arrange ours. So what would make it good?! Is there anything that could improve it?

BackforGood · 27/07/2018 19:46

I don't go very often - not because I don't like my colleagues, but because of the types of night they plan. I just say "No thanks, it's not for me"

ShinyMe · 27/07/2018 19:53

@Gardenpicnic - no, that's the point. Some people just don't enjoy large groups in a social setting. It makes no difference if it's strangers or colleagues you like. It makes no difference if it's free or not. It makes no difference if there's a band or a buffet or if it's a naice hotel or if there's a magician or dancing or a fancy dinner. If you're one of those people who don't enjoy it, then a social gathering is an ordeal, not a fun evening out.

BunsOfAnarchy · 27/07/2018 19:55

YANBU
I work in a large company (so about 250 people come to the xmas do) and the only one i bothered going to i went to the loo and found the heads of IT plastered and slagging the shit out of a pregnant colleague of theirs.
I went back out, had one tequila for the road and called an Uber.
Id rather not see the ugly side of people when they drink. Id rather just keep my opinion of them at a professional level and have a pub lunch with 2 colleagues or no xmas do at all.

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