To be dreading the Christmas party already?

[Notjustaname]

Following on from the thread about not liking big group interactions, was wondering if anyone actually enjoys their work Christmas parties? Admittedly I am introverted and don't generally enjoy big gatherings but Christmas parties are a special form of torture. The forced conversations, the one person who drinks too much and starts getting increasingly belligerent, the yapping on about nothing at all...I could go on but you get the idea. I love chatting with my colleagues at work and think they're all lovely people but they've started talking about what to do for the Christmas party already and how much they're looking forward to it, and all I can think of is, how do I get out of it?! It's easier in big workplaces but in small ones like mine it's practically impossible without seeming very rude.

AIBU or do people actually look forward to their Christmas parties?

Nope YANBU.

I hate them, and I'm the last I've usually tried to find an excuse not to go. I'm a manager now so feel I have to

I used to love the Christmas parties at my last company. I got on well with my colleagues and enjoyed the chance to let my hair down and have a drink and a dance with them.

12 years and 2 children later, I work for a different company where my close colleagues are very cliquey so if anyone asked me if I'm going (unlikely, because they normally don't bother to speak to me about anything) I'd just tell them that I don't fancy it. Why waste an evening doing something you don't want to, just because others expect it of you?

Thankfully I have young children and so always have a ready made excuse: "no babysitter available and would you believe it, DP is already going out that evening.."

I've reused it so many times my colleagues must be aware I'm simply making an excuse not to attend but hey ho. I hate all manner of office parties and also try to avoid team lunches and offsite team building activities (the latter genuinely make me want to weep). My colleagues are by and large quite pleasant, I just have no interest in spending time with them outside of the office. My manager has taken me aside and asked me to suggest a team event I'd be happy to attend as my anti social behaviour has been noted

Nope. I go to the lunch but swerve the evening stuff.

I will go to my team meal but then avoid the pub bit afterwards as it’s always the same folk getting off their heads.

Just say no! It really isn't hard. And if it is of any comfort, once you have done so, you will probably find a few more saying the same.

@Leeds2 - that's my experience too! No excuses, no faffing about. My colleagues found it hard to understand and accept at first. Well, the vocal ones did, but then one or two others started telling me privately that they felt the same and also didn't want to go but had run out of excuses. I think me saying (politely) repeatedly 'no, I don't want to, I don't enjoy it' and then not going made it possible for them too.

Once my colleagues accepted that I just didn't do social events, it became a lot easier for all of us. I didn't get asked, but didn't feel offended. They wouldn't have to play the game of trying to find somewhere I'd like, or trying to find a way to make it ok for me. They just organise their nights out or meals or dos or whatever. Occasionally they'd say something like 'you know you're always welcome if you change your mind' but mostly it just worked fine. I'm now in a new team and I've had the confidence to say from the start that I just don't enjoy social events so won't come, but thanks and have a lovely time, and nobody's seemed in the slightest bit put out.

My tactic is to say I’m going, go for the minimum amount of time possible, then sneak off, after an hour or so. No fuss.

Exactly, ShinyMe.

it is awful OP but you've got tons of time to realise you have Nutcracker tickets or something?

last two years I've cried off due to god-daughter's birthday

her birthday is usually the week after the party but hey, how would they know! This year I think it's a bit later so I'm just going to say no, don't fancy it.

Well one year I was the too drunk person 😳 Still cringe when I think about it. 😂😂😂 this is the first time I've laughed about it to though! So as long as you don't do that... you're fine. I actually enjoy them, except that year... or at least the next day 🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️

I refuse to go (introvert), it's my worst nightmare. Boss bullies me but I'm standing my ground...

It's so good to hear I'm not the only one, everyone at my work is seemingly excited to plan it but now I wonder if a couple of them are just faking it! If I said I wasn't free on the day they'd probably change it (we're not a big office), so that's a no go. I'd have to just be direct and say it's not my thing for it to work. But I'm not usually that brave

We have a massive formal one (posh hotel, dress code and senior staff from all the umbrella companies fly in for it)

I never go to this one.

Sometimes we do a smaller one in the office and if it falls on a day when I work then I stay for a few drinks but I don't go out of my way.

Used to work for a small company many years ago and we were taken to Rome, Paris and Amsterdam for Xmas dos over the years. Flew out on a Friday afternoon and back on the Sunday night. As you can imagine everyone attended those

@Crunchymum I'd definitely go to those too! We have to pay for our attendance at the do ourselves so it's even less of an incentive to go.

I work in a v small company. There are 3 of us and the 2 bosses of the company. Aside from the 2 bosses I HATE the other 2 people I work with. I dread these kind of things. I can't think of anything worse than spending an evening in their company.

I hate work nights out and never go to them anymore.

When I was younger I worked abroad and it was expected that we would all attend these events. I found them excruciating. The worst were formal British Embassy ones with parents invited too (I'm a teacher). Just torture!

Where I currently work I'm one of the older members of staff (I'm in my 40s, almost everyone else is 20s and 30s) so I just say I'm too old to go out!

We have a big posh-ish bash every Christmas. If you don't mind a drink or two it turns out to be quite fun, after the meal there's dancing and people mingle. But I certainly see people leaving after an hour or so and nobody seems to mind or notice.

I like the get-togethers where I am now - small, intimate, friendly office with less than 10 people (where I have been for 5 years.) But where I worked before (big, multinational company, for 7-8 years,) it was vile. Obnoxious, shouty men with booming voices who completely took over the conversation and made it all about them, and people who are cunts to you all year round, trying to be your best mate!

What did me in and made me stop going to the parties (which I did 2 years or so before I left,) was when I knocked back a double brandy in one go, just after the starter, and my manager, and his manager, and the head of HR (2 males and 1 female,) gasped in shock at me throwing this double brandy down, like they had never seen a soul in the world ever DO that.

And they didn't shut up about it all night. In addition, another (female) manager kept banging on about how much food I had on my plate (it was a carvery and I had 80% vegetables!) and she wondered where the hell I was putting it all! Every 10 minutes, she just gawped at me, and said 'how can you EAT that much? Like just how? Like wowzers, like bottomless pit...!'

Very few things fuck me off more than people commenting on what I am eating (or drinking.) Just fuck off and mind your own business you nosey opinionated cunt.

So after this meal, where several people couldn't shut up about what I was drinking and eating, (ALL NIGHT!) And the fact that they were still banging on about it for several months after, (every time they fucking saw me!) I made the decision to never go to another 'works do' again.

So YANBU @notjustaname don't go ...

I kept getting nagged to go, and so in the end I said ok, and paid the £5 deposit to shut them up, then just didn't go. After 3 or 4 times of doing this, they stopped asking, then not long after, I left anyway.

Yanbu. I am not going for ours this year. Now I am a year older, a year wiser, I have fucked this year's off.

Yeah I don't like it either, just have a few stiff drinks and think of it as unpaid overtime

Wait until they've physically booked it, sounding enthusiastic the whole time up to that point, and then 'realise' that unfortunately it's your family member/friend/dog's birthday (anniversary/bar mitzvah/operation) that day and much as you'd so much rather be at the Christmas event you really can't. So sorry. Better still, leave it until a couple of days before so there's no possibility of it being moved.

I hate, absolutely HATE socialising with work mates and the Christmas party is the pits. The constant badgering to go when you say no has forced me to make up so many excuses over the years.

Last year I decided to be blunt and admit I don't like socialising and get anxiety, it makes me ill. They were a bit oh but didnt bother me too much.

However we recently had a summer work BBQ and they were bothering me again, so it's constant hard work batting the party loving extroverts away.

No one is put under pressure to attend ours and we have to pay for it ourselves. I enjoyed last year's and I'm quite looking forward to going to this year's.

It's fine not to go, and I say that as someone who enjoys work socialising and does lots of it. A group over a certain size means there will always be a few people who can't make it. It's not a big deal. You've got other plans for that night, enjoy them, whatever they are.