Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to start a thread in praise of our lovely Mils?

90 replies

LegallyBronde · 27/07/2018 16:31

I know not everyone has a lovely one. I know many will have neglectful/abusive/irritating/rude and overbearing ones but I wanted to start a nice thread for those of us lucky enough to have great ILS. Obviously I will start Grin

My MIL raised a kind and respectful man.
She embraced being a GP to DC1 who is not her biological DGC and fiercely corrects anyone who suggests she is not his "real Gran". All DGC are treated equally I believe she genuinely loves the bones of them all.
She tells me I am smart/kind/beautiful.
Buys me thoughtful gifts.
Tells DH he is lucky to have me WinkGrin

With all the IL conflict/bashing/whatever threads I was feeling pretty lucky. Love the woman to bits.

With all the wonderful, strong, kind, smart women in the world it stands to reason there are some awesome MILs out there. So AIBU to start a thread so we can praise our lovely Mils?

OP posts:
Original poster
LegallyBronde · 27/07/2018 17:23

It's so lovely to hear these.

Flowers For those who have lost your beloved MILS.

Gutted for LlamaPyjamas losing a good one and getting a crappy new one. I hope your DP makes up for it Smile

OP posts:
SockQueen · 27/07/2018 17:28

Mine is lovely. She has irritated me on occasion in the past, especially when I was pregnant, but since DS arrived, and having established a few boundaries around safety issues I will/won't accept, she has been absolutely wonderful.

She is great with DS, both with me there and on their own, she discusses things with us if she's not sure how we do it, she remembers all sorts of minor details about things and is a great (if somewhat adventurous!) cook. She's very different from me in many ways - left school at 15 and was a SAHM for years, and even now they have both retired and kids left home she is very much the housewife while FiL potters in the garden/his study; while I'm a doctor and try my best to have a much less gender-split household - but she's unfailingly kind and generous with her time and attention and I know she always wants the best for us and DS.

trinity0097 · 27/07/2018 17:29

Mine has quite poor cleaning standards, so I always know our house is cleaner and she never judges!

She and FiL often come and house/cat sit when we are on holiday.

They are generous financially, £1500 joint birthday presents and the same at Xmas.

We don’t have kids, nor plan to, but have written their will. DH is only child. It all goes to him, or if he is dead to me, unless we do have kids in which case they inherit ahead of me.

They have some downsides, if they come for lunch they arrive at 9am, but then are gone at 2pm!

They don’t see us that often, even when we lived 200m away.

I’m quite happy with my MIL!

Perdyboo · 27/07/2018 17:30

I have a fab MIL. She raised an amazing son and has always been really supportive. She especially supported me and my Dad when my lovely Mum got ill. She looked after DS1 so I could travel to see Mum in hospital, then travelled with me when things got really bad. Visited her herself and disclosed only recently that my Mum wrote to her thanking her for the support and that she, MIL,was needed to cheerlead me and DS1. MIL is not perfect but neither am I. But I SOOO appreciate her common sense, fairness and that she and her DH talk about my lovely Mum in odd random moments so DS1(who has one vague recollection) and DS2 (born after she died) have a flavour of her, the jokes she played and her love for all of us. I read lots of threads about terrible MILs and thank goodness for mine. I'm also able to be grateful that I have her because I never married a previous bf. His mother was a different story!!!

Littlegoth · 27/07/2018 17:30

My mum in law is amazing, love her loads

Lookingforadvice123 · 27/07/2018 17:36

My MIL is actually alright and I got on well with her pre-DC, even though she did put her foot in it a few times.

But my MIL and "Nanny" are very different. "Nanny" is an interfering, over bearing pain in both mine and DH's arse.

Theonlywayisscotland · 27/07/2018 17:38

My MIL was lovely. A fantastic mum that always put her children first no matter what. She treated me like a daughter and I loved her for that. She died 2 years ago and I miss her terribly.

problembottom · 27/07/2018 17:40

I like my MIL (DP's mum) because she's totally different to my own equally fabulous DM. She is very homely, likes to bake, sends a card for every occasion, always brings round flowers and never criticises. She happily comes to stay to babysit our cat when we're away so we know we'll be fine when our human baby arrives later this year!

She also drives DP up the wall on occasion, just like my own mum does me.

possumgoddess · 27/07/2018 17:45

Nuffaluff my situation is similar to yours. My much loved mother-law died last September of cancer, in her early 80s. She always supported us and was there for us, even though she needed support from us as well. I feel privileged to have been able to help nurse her in her final weeks and I miss her greatly.

AnneLovesGilbert · 27/07/2018 17:50

I’m delighted for all of you with good ones. My DSIS has had two and it’s wonderful to see what a happy relationship is can be.

It’s luck. Those of us with awful ones didn’t choose them or a difficult or non existent relationship with them. It’s far harder for my husband that his parents are arseholes than it is for me.

There’s as much judgement on here for posters who have bad ones as there is by those posters who ever try and talk about how shit it is.

It’s an odd thing to brag about. I have an amazing husband or child seems less common on here and you’d be branded as smug.

Confusedbeetle · 27/07/2018 17:52

This is a lovely thread and so nice after all the difficult ones. I have two wonderful daughters in law who are kind caring people and fabulous mothers. I am privileged that they trust me with their children. It is easier to first trust your own mum and I saw my daughters hesitating so I feel doubly honoured. That said I can be quite critical of my own daughters and it would be totally out of order to be blunt with my sons' wives. Both my sons are lucky to have them. All relationships are worth trying too make the best of and taking nothing for granted. I am sad for those whose families are not all they would want, everyone loses

rinabean · 27/07/2018 17:53

YABVU. I have a wonderful MIL, I really love her and we get along very well. I don't feel like bragging about it though, and particularly not when I read about people really suffering with awful relationships. You're right that we're lucky, so stop acting like you're morally superior to people "bashing" their MILs.

WarPigeon's comment is the kind of nastiness you're encouraging by making this "nice" thread at all related to people with genuinely difficult relationships with their MILs. You could have made it without any reference to "bashing" and kept it purely positive, but you didn't.

FrangipaniBlue · 27/07/2018 17:55

My MIL is awesome (and so is PIL).

DH and I have been together 20 years so she's been there for us through some pretty rough times..... miscarriages, my own mum dying and she was the first person I went to when I was made redundant and DH wasn't answering his bloody phone! (Literally turned up on her doorstep in floods of tears declaring I needed a cup and of tea Confused)

I refuse to believe all women turn batshit crazy when their son gets married

And I agree with this....... my MIL has 3 sons and has managed not to turn batshit crazy Grin

(Although I'm also reserving the right to turn into a batshit MIL when DS gets married)

Bumbumtaloo · 27/07/2018 17:56

If said on here a few times when MIL threads come up, that my monther in law is absolutely amazing. I love her to bits.

She single handedly raised my DH after walking away from her abusive DH with nothing but the clothes on their backs. She rebuilt their lives and I now thanks to her I have an amazing DH.

She has servived cancer and at one point we weren’t sure she would.

We are very different people but have never had a disagreement, we spend a week together every year holidaying and she often stays with us for long weekends or an odd week here or there.

I’m so bloody lucky to have her in my life.

VillageFete · 27/07/2018 18:00

This is a lovely thread Flowers

My MIL is incredibly kind, will drop anything to help us if we need it, and is always willing to help out with childcare if needed. We don’t have massive amounts in common, but now and again when we go out for dinner as a family, it’s really nice to have a glass of wine with her and talk like friends.

Due to not having much in common, I can’t say we are very close, but I do love her. I’m expecting DC2 and will involve her more next time. She was quite overbearing first time around, but this will be her third Grandchild now and her support will be appreciated.

LakieLady · 27/07/2018 18:04

My mum died a few months before DP and I got together. The first time I went to visit, I felt as though I'd been adopted.

She's utterly lovely, so welcoming and inclusive, very bright and well-read and has brought both her sons up to be very respectful and not at all sexist. She's also very kind, always hosting family gatherings, buys thoughtful presents and spoils her GCs just enough.

I love her to bits. Even my (generally stand-offish) dog adores her, and she's crazy about DDog too.

ElfrideSwancourt · 27/07/2018 18:16

My lovely MIL died a couple of years ago- I miss her every day.
She was always kind to me and was a great substitute for my 'D'M who has always been hard work to say the least.
I definitely won the MIL lottery and am so glad to have had her in my life.

kickingk16 · 27/07/2018 18:16

Lovely to hear the positive MiL stories, they definitely get bad press!

Mine is wonderful - easier to get on with than my own mum! She’s kind and thoughtful, great company, never pushy and raised an awesome DH. As a retired neonatal nurse she has ninja-like baby skills but never once offered any advice unless it was asked for and never made me feel self conscious when I was learning the ropes with DD. I love that her and FiL get to look after her once a week as they’re brilliant with her and adore her, but are also fab at following any routine etc that we have in place (less a thing now but was in baby days).

I’m due to have another DD & no plans for any more, but if I’m ever an in-law (to either DHs or DWs) then I can only hope that I can live up to her example! Smile

musicposy · 27/07/2018 18:16

I love my MIL. She raised DH alongside two girls and never let him think that housework/ cooking etc was women's work. He had to peel all the veg every day when he got in from school. They taught him to be hardworking, loving and kind.

We didn't always get on in the early years. I sometimes thought she was interfering and possessive of DH; as I've got older and my DC have grown up I see it with slightly different eyes. I read some of the threads on here about people wanting to keep their PFBs all to themselves and I often think they're making a mistake they will regret. I used to disagree with aspects of their grandparenting; now I wish I'd remembered more that they raised DH well enough for me to fall in love with and marry him.

We've both mellowed over the years and it's really good now. I genuinely admire and love her and my DCs are very blessed to have them as grandparents. MIL and FIL have a terrific relationship, are always there for their family, but have a life of their own too. I look at them and think that's what I want DH and I to be in 25 years time Flowers

MisterDog · 27/07/2018 18:24

My MIL is lovely and has never been anything but welcoming and generous. She adores my ds and has helped massively with childcare whilst I am at university.

WhiteCoyote · 27/07/2018 18:24

My mil was an amazing woman who made me feel like one of the family the first time I met her - when she hosted Christmas i felt like I was in one of those amazing family christmases you see in films.
She died of sudden and brutal cancer a matter of weeks before I gave birth to her first grandson. It was more of a shock because the doctors promised she’d get to meet him.
2 years on my dp is still not over the injustice of it.
The best consolation is we can definitely see some of her in our son and know that a bit of her legacy lives on Smile

givemecakee · 27/07/2018 18:55

I have fantastic parent in laws, such lovely people.

DramaAlpaca · 27/07/2018 18:59

Mine was lovely. She died a few years ago & I miss her. She did a wonderful job raising DH.

annoyed1212 · 27/07/2018 19:18

My MIL is amazing. Nobody genuinely has a bad word to say about her, she is so generous and goes above and beyond for all her DC, DILs and GC - equally.

When I had Ds1 I was unwell and quite depressed. She cooked for us for 6 whole months until DH and I felt embarrassed and insisted we were ready to do things ourselves. She never forgets my birthday and always gives me too much money.

She rings me almost every day to see how I and the GC (and her son!) are.

Emotionalfuckwit · 27/07/2018 19:24

My MIL is wonderful 😊 generous, kind and loving. She lives in a different country so will send parcels over regularly for my 2 boys full of clothes and shoes. My PIL paid for us to have IVF and were heartbroken when it failed (they have several other grandchildren) and were overjoyed when my 2 arrived. The thing that always stood out for me was after the birth of my second she came to stay for a week and one day had the baby in the bouncer in front of her. As I came into the room and sat down on the other side of the sofa she moved him so he was between us so she wasn't "hogging him" (I didn't care!!) It's little things like that that makes her so lovely 💖