Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Mrs Husband's Name

61 replies

BloodyDisgrace · 27/07/2018 15:47

I have a question for married women who didn't change their name.

Is your husband's family aware of it? Suppose, you're called Sarah White, and you married Peter Jones. Do they address you on correspondence correctly, or as "Mrs Peter Jones"? If the latter - does it annoy you? Have you said anything about it?

When it happened to me, I was actually quite annoyed and upset. I thought "It's 2018, ffs. Have they never heard of feminism? Or women not changing names on marriage? What's wrong with just putting "Sarah and Peter" on the card, rather than old-fashioned Mr&Mrs etc?

It turned out no one wanted to slight me, they just "didn't think". I'm kinda ok with it now, they all are after all very good people. Would you personally go as far as add a note to the back of any card (during festive season when people exchange cards I mean, and you expect some from them) saying "Please kindly note Sarah's name is Sarah White, not Mrs Peter Jones"?

OP posts:

FizzForLunch · 27/07/2018 15:49

SayNoToCarrots · 27/07/2018 15:50

I had this. I just got a "Return Address: F. MyName and M. HisName, 187 Whatever Boulevard, AK47 6OD" stamp and every time I send one of them a card, I stamp the back of the envelope.

Whirlytastic · 27/07/2018 15:51

Yep I made clear when we got married that my name wasn't changing. Still got quite a lot of Mr&Mrs stuff, which made me roll my eyes because the people doing it knew - they were making a point. (It still happens to this day - and we've been married nearly 20 years.)

V rude to address people in any way other than the way they wish to be addressed.

Dellarobia · 27/07/2018 15:51

I agree with you OP. I changed my surname on marriage, but not my first name!

I'd like people to address an envelope to me as Mrs Dellarobia Surname, NOT Mrs DHname Surname, and one to both of us as Dellarobia and DHname or Mr and Mrs Surname NOT Mr and Mrs DHname Surname.

Some people still do it the old fashioned way (people of our generation too, not just my PILs).

However, I understand that a letter from Buckingham Palace now comes in the modern way. So at least the Queen has moved with the times

Whirlytastic · 27/07/2018 15:53

SayNo I did something similar. So no-one could make their eyes wide and say they didn't know.

DitchingTheDye · 27/07/2018 15:53

I'm unmarried but people often assume I am so regularly get called by my partners name. I couldn't give a fuck. I totally get the reasons you care but is it really worth the agro?

Whirlytastic · 27/07/2018 15:54

It's not aggro, is it? Just accuracy?

FlyingElbows · 27/07/2018 15:55

Yes they are aware of it. They never sent us formally addressed correspondence, anything they send is only to Mr Elbows. They deal with the fact that the children have my surname by pretending they don't know what it is, not bothering to ask and simply addressing anything in the child's first name only. I don't care about any issue they have with me keeping my name but I do care that they refuse to acknowledge my children's full names.

I didn't keep my surname as two fingers to the patriarchy () I did it because I was the last of my line. I can't muster enough of a fuck to get arsed about it. Mr Elbows gets my surname as much as I get his so that's equality enough for me.

SmileSweetly · 27/07/2018 15:59

I wouldn't notice or even care, I have bigger things to take offence to (unless I had problems with my In Laws I'd just assume they just hadn't really thought)

MovingThisYearHopefully · 27/07/2018 16:00

I changed my surname the first time I got married because I hated my family name & wanted a fresh start with a new name. This marriage broke down because exH is a nasty controlling bully twat. I got married again a few years ago & chose not to change my name, because I like having the same surname as my kids. I refuse to be controlled by expectation again.The fact its my exes name doesn't feature to me. Of course DH HATES it. I changed my name on Facebook to pacify the naggers & don't have a problem with his family, or anyone referring to me as Mrs DH name, but my legal name is Ms DC/exH name. I will answer to pretty much anything. Just pisses me off when people (except when its DC related & an understandable assumption to make) call me MRS DC/exH name instead of Ms, particularly when I have on numerous occasions said they can call me MsDC/exH name or Mrs DH name, just not MrsDC/exH name!

HildaZelda · 27/07/2018 16:04

I didn't change mine. DH's family know. His mother has passed the odd snide comment but they don't usually have anything to post us. MIL's friend sends Xmas card etc and address them to Mrs hisfirstname hissurname. Pisses me off no end.
DH's cousin got married last year and sent the invite to Mr & Mrs Hisfirstname Hissurname. I was friends with her on Facebook so she knew what surname I use. I sent back a card saying HildaZelda Mysurname and Hisfirstname Hissurname will not be attending. Not because of that, we weren't going anyway but the lack of respect really gets to me.

Doobigetta · 27/07/2018 16:05

I changed my surname on Facebook and set up a new email account as an experiment, to see whether I ended up liking my husband's surname after I'd used it for a bit. All that happened is that no one emails or Facebooks me any more because they have no idea who I am
I'm far too lazy to fill the forms in though so it'll probably stay like this.

Pippylou · 27/07/2018 16:05

I've given up.

I've been married for nearly 20 years without changing my name and my mother was still giving me aggro about it. Christmas card addresses give me the rage!

I'm assuming it's still the social norm, not a personal slight. Tho actually, it is people making a point...

yikesanotherbooboo · 27/07/2018 16:10

Some older people call me Mrs husbands name or less irritatingly Mrs Yikes Husbands surname. I have been married for 27 years and it is less and less common

gillybeanz · 27/07/2018 16:12

My friend didn't change her name and her kids have their fathers name, they are married.
She gets all sorts of comments and addressed in different ways.
I asked if it bothered her, but her opinion is she can hardly complain when she chose to go against tradition.

PurpleFlower1983 · 27/07/2018 16:13

When we go on holiday my husband gets called Mr My Maiden name as I usually book in my maiden name as per my passport. We laugh about it.

NothingOnTellyAgain · 27/07/2018 16:16

my own mother sends xmas card to Mr and Mrs dh firstname dh surname purely to wind me up.

The first time I said why can't you say to x and y it's not like you don't know us, she smugly cited "tradition".

Generally, we don't get on.

fantasmasgoria1 · 27/07/2018 16:16

My aunt used to do this when I was married to my first husband. I politely pointed out that I have a name and when sending anything by post then she must use it.

happymummy12345 · 27/07/2018 16:18

I changed my name when we got married. I honestly don't mind being joint post being mr and Mrs husbands initial our surname. It's tradition

Feelingsad33 · 27/07/2018 16:19

I still get my personal birthday cards addresses to mrs husband. I have told them a few times and they are lovely people I’m just assuming they forget. I don’t think (in my case) it’s done on purpose. Still does annoy me a teeny bit though

Eemamc · 27/07/2018 16:19

I have taken my husband’s name and it annoys me when we get letters addressed to Mr and Mrs (my husband’s initials) (our surname)
I have my own name thank you very much! Surely Mr and Mrs surname would suffice? My mum used to do this and I had to repeatedly ask that she didn’t do this

sheepsheep · 27/07/2018 16:21

I changed my name as I wanted rid of my family name.

I hate when cards are addressed to Mr and Mrs (DH First Name) Surname.

I am not Mrs (DH First Name) Surname.

I am Mrs (My Name) Surname, and all it would take is to leave (DH First Name) off the card.

I don't say anything, but the sender of the card ends up on my mental List of Twats and stays there forever.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 27/07/2018 16:21

Only one member of my family (my aunt) does it to make a point and, hilariously, she can't remember DH's surname. She introduces me as "Black I can't remember your surname" and I say "It's Sugar, just like it has been since I was born". Sometimes people call me by the DC's surname because they know me through the DC and I usually let that slide unless they need the correct name, like signing a permission slip or something.

MrsPreston11 · 27/07/2018 16:22

I'm clearly the odd one out. I quite like the rare occasion something's addressed "Mr and Mrs Hisname Preston"

But then I had a surname I was keen to get rid of, so maybe that helps?

WinterBabyIsComing · 27/07/2018 16:25

I don't object to being Mrs Myname BabyisComing, that was my choice to change. I do object to being Mrs Husbandsname BabyisComing (MIL), I am still an actual person and not just an addendum.

Also I cannot cash cheques made out to that as it's not my name! (Also MIL)

Flip

1 2 3