To ask how much of your shit you have together?

[surlycurly]

So at the moment I've got about 80% of my shit together. I'm curious as to how that compares with other people. The 80% figure would come from having a decent job/ car etc and although I'm not rolling in cash, I do have enough to provide a decent life for us. My kids are good and I'm happy with who I am. 20% not 'sorted' would come from not owning my own home and I think I am reaching the end of my relationship, but for me I'm pretty good right now. AIBU to ask how this compares?

I feel pretty sorted tbh. I'm still happy about getting out of my crappy marriage. The kids have coped well with it and are doing well - our home is happier and I manage well on my wage. I don't reckon I'll ever be in a position to own a house but it's all relative, isn't it?

I’m going with 80%

20% dd’s all happy and healthy
15% married, knocked 5% off could be more fun!!
15% own house, knocked 5% off as needs work we can’t afford
20% great job
10% finance, knocked off 10% as in lots of debt but should be all cleared including mortgage in 5years (money also affects the 2 minus marks above)

Mostly. I have a stimulating but fun job, my dc are great and I have lovely friends and family. I have a lovely home in a beautiful area.
I have really good health and am physically fit.
I am single and am happy with that but I sometimes think "is this it"?

Reading this back makes me realise how lucky I am! Thanks OP.

I think it's not so much being thin as being happyish with your body. We live in a society where the majority of women aspire to being thinner, but I could see that if you're fat but don't care you perhaps have your shit together in that respect. And if you're thin but you've always wanted a boob job, to get more jacked etc and you've not done it for whatever reason, you'd feel like you didn't have your shit together in connection to your appearance, even though you don't want or need to lose any weight.

I'm a car crash. A controlled one, mind.

Is anyone really 'adulting' perfectly? I doubt it.

Job- check, but not at the level I expected at this age

Kids-check, have the number I planned, all happy and healthy but relations can be strained at times!

Relationship-check, usually good but in hindsight we aren’t really suited!

House- check, homeowner but interest only and too small

Money- check, generally ok, few thousand in old debts still to clear but I keep choosing to do fun things now

Friends- check, kind of, don’t socialise as much as I’d like

Health- no, obese and I know I’m heading towards diabetes/ early death

My life probably looks very good on the outside but it has its stresses.

@GreenTulips
I too interpreted the OP to be about day to day stuff and was going to suggest a very low togetherness percentage but looking at the bigger picture I can see that I am more together than I realised. It's funny because things like being happy with your body wouldn't even have entered my mind as something to be grateful for but I can totally see how being unhappy with your body and feeling unable to change it could definitely affect how together you would feel.

This thread has been an excellent exercise in forcing me to see the positive in my life and be more grateful for those things.

I missed the checklist.

I think having one's " shit together" is far more an internal thing than ticking boxes.

We all have differing circumstances- none of us have lives without challenges.

It's how we view and respond to stuff that is the important thing.

If we have our basic needs met and live without conflict then our internal wallpaper is more important than the external wallpaper.

I'm so glad that so many people have responded positively to this thread. A bit of mental accountancy re your life can't be a thing... happy Friday night.

It’s very subjective I think. I imagine some people would look at me and think I’m at 0% - I’m 29, live in a grim shared London flat, I’m crap at keeping on top of household chores and my room looks like a students bombsite, I haven’t got a solid friendship group (friends yes but not one longstanding group).

But I feel like I’m at about 60%. I’ve got a good job at mid-senior level in my chosen profession, a good chunk of savings and my mental health - which has caused me breakdowns and ruined jobs and relationships in the past - is manageable. I can live with being lazy when it comes to housework and the thought that I won’t be buying a property any time soon; if I keep saving at the rate I am it could be on the cards in the future but the biggest thing is a sense of pride that comes from having done this all myself (no parental financial help etc). That makes me feel more together than any of the other bits

God-I'm at about 5% shit togetherness.
I've got a job that pays pretty well-but I hate it.
I've got a house that I own-but hat needs so much work.
Two lovely kids but I somehow feel I'm failing them.
Mentally I'm not great at all.
I keep making lists of all the stuff I have to do and then just not doing them-I've got a very avoidant personality which in the past I've been able to conquer and at the minute I just can't seem to. I'm doing my own head in!!

If I was to base it on finances I have about 50% of my shit together - as in the rent is paid & we have food in the cupboards so that's fine. But I have lots of adulty things to sort out which I keep putting off & that makes me feel about 30% sorted. But without being a big cheesy twat I'm 100% happy with my life, so fuck it.

About 30%/.My shit is not together. But I have my own home and a good (I think, anyway) relationship with my dd and her family. Those things are important to me. And I'm happier than I've ever been. But the rest of my life is chaos.

Less than 25% probably, I live in a council flat, lost my job, can't drive, ex left me, six months pregnant, fat, zero savings, benefits. No debts though.

This is definitely not a money thing in totality. Money makes an enormous difference to your quality of life but not to your intrinsic sense of happiness I think.

I am however pretty happy.

I’m 100%

I own a tiny flat that I pay a stupid mortgage on. I have a stressful job that I sometimes hate. I have lovely friends. I’m lucky. My parents love me. I have a lovely cat.

What’s the point really in bench marking yourself against other people?

This is a very interesting read!

I think 75‰

• DH, 2 DC, all in good health
• good friends locally
• kids happy in school
• love in great place, beauty of nature all around
• but have a family business that is in some difficulty. If we get business shit together in the next few months, I'll be up in the 90s. If we don't, it will be life-changingly bad (let down employees, clients, major money worries etc) - I'd anticipate 20s
• Anxiety over the above clouds things...

Hmmm...maybe 60-70%?

Happily married
4 healthy daughters
Own our house with good equity
Cars etc sorted
No money worries
No major health worries. Not overweight etc.
Live near good schools, in a safe, pretty area
V close relationship with family, who live moments away
Generally comfortable life

Other 30-40%: need to figure out what to do career wise as the girls get older. Might retrain but not sure.
House is in process of full renovation so life feels a bit on hold until it's completed.
Want to build up better savings and work on getting rid of the mortgage. Would love for DH to be able to retire early.
Also I take meds for anxiety. Have done for a long time.

But as pp have said, it can all vanish with one stroke of bad luck. I try to remember that.

Money makes an enormous difference to your quality of life but not to your intrinsic sense of happiness I think.

Having gone from living hand-to-mouth to being financially ok, for me it's things like always knowing my card won't be rejected & being able to do things on impulse without needing to work out where the money's coming from. Like a meal out with friends or when a family member or friend is feeling rough, being able to pop something nice in the post. It makes me a lot more relaxed.

Day to day stuff is largely under control. Anxiety is useful for making me get stuff done and organised.

Probably to the outside world I seem in the 70%ish bracket. The positives are an affordable mortgage on our home. I own my car outright (albeit 5 years old). Long term relationship of almost a decade in which time we've built a successful business. Negatives are the house needs a lot of landscaping to look 'normal'. I'm a new and not very confident driver. Relationship is pretty stale by this point, sex life infrequent as he's so stressed from work. No marriage or kids on the horizon, which I've never had a burning desire for, so no major loss there. However, I do have days of wishing I was carefree and single living in a shared rented house again.

This is such an interesting thread, it's fascinating to look at things through different eyes.

Some days I think I have about 90% of my shit together. Married, 1 DC, option to be a SAHM or work from home part-time, mortgage free home with room for a second DC, savings in the bank.

I've knocked off 10% because I'm a stone overweight and even though I know I can loose it my unhealthy relationship with food means it will inevitably creep back on.

Other days I look at each of those things in a completely different light. Married, but often feel like I'm at the bottom of DH's list of priorities after work, hobbies etc. Option to be a SAHM, but few 'mum friends' nearby to share this time with. Option to work from home part-time but no family nearby to help with childcare and nursery fees would make it non-viable. Mortgage free home, but in a town I hate and feel unsettled in. Savings in the bank which we intend to use to move one day, but we need to save a hell of a lot more to make it actually happen.

I think you can have your shit together but it won't necessarily make you happy, which makes you wonder whether it's worth chasing all these tick boxes.

I definitely need to be more grateful though and remember that comparison is the thief of joy.

Good question.

I think about 80% shit togetherness.
And this in mainly due to getting my mental health back on track, which will from now on always, always be my number one priority.
Trauma therapy gave me my life back.

The rest will follow, as I’ve finally got a positive outlook after years of doom and gloom, surviving and winging it for the dc.

So I can‘t really put a %number on the state of things, if I had to, I was probably at 10% for years.

So now I FEEL together and happy, even if the shit around me doesn‘t seem to be particularly sorted 😂