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Original poster

What to do with 12 year old while I'm at work

41 replies

EnoughAlready999 · 26/07/2018 22:13

I work 2.5 days and my little one goes to the childminder but the 12 year old is too old. She refuses to go to my parents (I don't blame her) and isn't keen on going to her other grandma's either. So she's ended up staying at home on her own some days which she's not happy about. What am I supposed to do? It's a tricky age.

OP posts:
RottenTomatoes959 · 26/07/2018 22:16

At that age I think it really depends on the child. At that age I was fine on my own all day. My brother however is 16 and still isn't left for more than a few hours on his own.
If she's sensible I don't see the huge issue.

OwlinaTree · 26/07/2018 22:16

Go to a friend's? A holiday club?

upsideup · 26/07/2018 22:17

Why's she not happy about it? What does she want to be doing?

RottenTomatoes959 · 26/07/2018 22:18

Oh sorry just seen that she's not happy with it. Yeah as above holiday club or a friends house.

Halfblindbunny · 26/07/2018 22:18

If she doesnt want to stay alone or go to grandparents tell her to come up with some other options herself.

BottleOfJameson · 26/07/2018 22:20

I would definitely try to find a Holiday club that matches her interests (dance? Drama?). Would she be happier home alone if she had something to do for an hour or two during the day - could she see a friend or pop into her other grandma's house to break it up a bit?

arethereanyleftatall · 26/07/2018 22:20

Can she not go out with friends?

I was out in our town today, and saw a few groups of (last) year 6s looking very proud of themselves to be cruising around town on their own.

Daisymay2 · 26/07/2018 22:20

I sent my boys to Summer camps at the local sport centre- they did non sporty stuff as well. We could book individual days where as many schemes want you to book full weeks.

Glumglowworm · 26/07/2018 22:22

Can she spend the day with a friend? You could always offer to have the friend come to you on your day off to repay the favour

What does she want to do? She doesn’t want to go to your parents but also doesn’t want to stay alone.

Can you help her plan something to do to break the day up? Like going to the library or swimming or something, or meet her friends?

MissLingoss · 26/07/2018 22:23

If she doesnt want to stay alone or go to grandparents tell her to come up with some other options herself.

Exactly what I was going to say!

HollowTalk · 26/07/2018 22:24

What's your job? My daughter used to come to work with me sometimes (teacher) and type up everyone's presentations for them - they loved it!

ManyCrisps · 26/07/2018 22:25

You need to tell her that she needs to grow up about being home alone she’s old enough to look after her self without your supervision most of her friends are probably home alone even if she says otherwise and they would probably make fun of her getting upset about being alone.

missymayhemsmum · 26/07/2018 22:28

I share your pain. DD is 11. Are there sports or drama clubs she could go to? I have traded 1 week of expensive horse camp for not making a fuss about any other summer arrangements. It sounds like you are falling into the trap of giving your dd options she can reject. Instead, try I am going to work. I have to go to work to provide for you. Your choices are ask granny a, ask granny b or sportscamp, unless you come up with a better plan. Is there a project she could do with your parents? (dd wants to make a dress. My idea of hell is dd and a sewing machine. day with dm sorted, better than glowering at each other over countdown, anyway).

LEMtheoriginal · 26/07/2018 22:29

Two days isnt so bad. If she is happy to be at home then its fine.

My dd is 13 (just) and i work four days a week. We have her at a summer school next week then two weeks im on holiday. One of those will be a family holuday.

We did say she wiuld need to entertain herself for the rest of the holiday but we did this at easter and dd was miserable. Mostly on her screens all day and hated it so Dp is going to have to take time off work. He is self employed and there is some option for him to work at home but it means a substantial loss of income so we will be looking for anither "club" for the last few weeks.

Its bloody tough - too old for "childcare" but too young to leave alone.

MissLingoss · 26/07/2018 22:29

You could always offer to have the friend come to you on your day off to repay the favour

I don't think it's necessary to offer reciprocal play dates at secondary age, is it? Don't they sort it out themselves, without parental involvement?

stoneagemum · 26/07/2018 22:36

Suck it up buttercup, clean the house, cook the dinner, make yourself useful, the world won't entertain or look after you xx

Metoodear · 26/07/2018 22:37

Holiday club

Or I suggest getting him to join army cadets they do 10 days away during the summer it’s £50

ManyCrisps · 26/07/2018 22:38

LEMtheoriginal 13 is not too young to be left alone and I wouldn’t be happy with your Dp if I were you leaving his family with less money because a 13 year old is bored she’s 13 she will always be bored even when her dad is there.

stoneagemum · 26/07/2018 22:41

It they feel to old to go to others, then they are old enough to take care of themselves.
Simples

stoneagemum · 26/07/2018 22:41

Not to

LEMtheoriginal · 26/07/2018 22:45

Its a joint decision. OUR dd is not happy to be alone over the holidays. Both dp and myself work 10 hour days and she gets lonely. Her friends arent local as her school is 10 miles away and im not happy for her to travel to the nearest city to meet up as yet.

We often do leave her for whole days but agreed that all day every day wasnt fair.

Italiangreyhound · 26/07/2018 22:54

If you need to work to put a roof over her head and food on the table I am afraid I would insist she go to one or other grandmother/grandparent for the day.

Presumably she has a phone, access to a computer, access to books etc.

Yes, it's difficult for her but it is hard for you too.

My in laws come to us, look after our little one and the teenager is here too, she does her own thing but her grandparents are here for her is she needs them.

Good luck.

RafikiIsTheBest · 26/07/2018 22:54

I agree leaving a young teen/preteen alone all day everyday is too much. I'd be bored if I was pretty much house bound all day with little to do, no one to talk to etc at with LEM.

But for the OP, 2 1/2 days and they have the option of going to grandparents? I'd talk to her and see if she has any suggestions. Is she responsible enough to meet with friends and go out for a bit, or get herself to grandparents for an hour or so or maybe lunch? Any local council gyms or similar running clubs? The half-day I'd expect her to stay home alone, but I think if she really hates it then you need to find some alternatives.

Original poster
EnoughAlready999 · 26/07/2018 22:58

Thanks all, it's good to know I'm not alone. I was feeling so bad about leaving her. I will try and and arrange stuff for next week. She's quite stubborn though and won't go to holiday clubs. I might book her onto a watersports course with a friend though.

OP posts:
My38274thNameChange · 26/07/2018 23:15

When my DD was 12 she didn’t want to be home alone because boredom.

A year later and she loves it because she can sleep until midday and cuddle with the dog on her bed, get some food, play some online games and then we’re home. Just saying it gets easier.

Last year I had to scurry around annual leave and GPS, which was met with much sulking. Give her a choice and see what happens.

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