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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

What to do with 12 year old while I'm at work

41 replies

EnoughAlready999 · 26/07/2018 22:13

I work 2.5 days and my little one goes to the childminder but the 12 year old is too old. She refuses to go to my parents (I don't blame her) and isn't keen on going to her other grandma's either. So she's ended up staying at home on her own some days which she's not happy about. What am I supposed to do? It's a tricky age.

OP posts:

Original poster

EnoughAlready999 · 26/07/2018 23:24

Her friends all seem to be away or busy with family and none of them are within walking distance.

OP posts:

user1471553758 · 26/07/2018 23:34

I would insist on one of the gp’s for a day then structure the other day so perhaps encourage a lie in, watch a film make lunch get her to do a chore (lol) then computer games or what she likes doing the most. Are you able to text her?

My son has just turned 12 and hates club so I let him stay home alone for the first time and made him text me quite often he would happily spend all day on the PS4 though and I only leave him 1 day as I (force) him to gp’s for a day too needs must everyone has to give a bit.

BrokenWing · 26/07/2018 23:43

If you only work parttime can you offer to have one of her friends for a sleepover and they can stay the next day in return for her staying at theirs a day you are working?

I did a lot of this when ds no longer wanted to go to childcare. Somedays he was sent for a sleepover at grandparents too, but with a board game and dvds etc so they had things to do together , or try to encourage the gps to take him out somewhere.

Dixiechickonhols · 26/07/2018 23:44

Mine is 12 and a night owl. I'm here this week but she has taken to getting up late morning then bed late so if I was at work she would only be awake on her own for the afternoon.
She is going on an activity holiday next week then away with her friend then only a few days to fill until we are away.
I'd be happy to leave her for a short day but not day after day alone.

AliMonkey · 26/07/2018 23:48

I feel your pain! As DS11 is at a camp this week, we've left DD13 for a couple of half days on her own while we worked but we're lucky to have flexible employers. After first day she said it was ok but she was a bit bored so on second day I got her to come and meet me for lunch. Wouldn't want to leave her for whole day as would just spend most of it on a screen. Tried encouraging her to meet friends but she doesn't want to suggest it in case they say no! But I suspect in a year's time she will be telling us she wants to be alone all summer - but DS won't be ready for it! It would be nice though for me and DH to not have to use all our annual leave to cover school holidays separately with little left to spend together.

parkermoppy · 27/07/2018 00:27

if you say she is not the type to want to do a club, but also doesn't want to be with grandparents or childminder, and her friends are busy, what are her suggestions? at 12 i was the same and although i always said i was 'bored' i really couldn't think of an alternative that i would prefer so it really wasn't that bad!

JustlikeDevon · 27/07/2018 01:05

Mine is also 12. When I'm at work she does a bit of the following (No local friends) :
Library
Does some errands for me -post office, dry cleaners etc
Does some cooking
Binges on box sets

I try and give her at least one 'purpose' a day, e.g. can you change your bedding or iron all your t shirts. I also give her one 'tween' a day. I expect you to have seen at least 5 BBT today! So she knows I get the chilling compulsion.
Mine is good at tasks like - if we are having x for dinner, you need to buy .... and prepare.... .

junebirthdaygirl · 27/07/2018 08:04

LEM if your dh is self employed could he bring your dd to work with him? Give her little tasks and she could bring a book and ipad along. Even one of the days.

Banana8080 · 28/07/2018 07:19

Holiday club, Mad Science ones are good

LEMtheoriginal · 28/07/2018 07:58

Junebirtbday - yes its certainly an option this time around yes although dd would probably choose to stay home. Dp will be able to do some work at home also. Iworry about her getting bored but then boredom never killed anyone

LEMtheoriginal · 28/07/2018 08:00

Will also goigle mad science clubs in our area too. Dd would live that thanks banana

NewName54321 · 28/07/2018 10:18

Could she go the GPs from lunchtime onwards, if she can get there herself? Breaks the day up for her but still feels like holidays as she can have a morning to herself but only just long enough to get bored.
The idea of having a pre-planned task to do with GPs is good, even if it's prep something from scratch for tea.

Purplejay · 28/07/2018 13:17

My son is 11 and will go to an activity club at the leisure centre providing a friend goes to. This will be his last year though as it is only up to 11. I have had to message round his friends mums and sort it. His dad who is self employed has him those afternoons or he goes to the friends house for the afternoon and I return the favour another day. It’s hard filling the time. Not sure what we will do next year. Hopefully there will be something for his age. For those saying can’t 12 yo make own arrangements with friends, I think it’s different if they are going to someone’s house for say half a day rather than just for a bit. It will depend but sometimes you need to check they are ok for the time you need if you aren’t going to be around.

Shaboohshoobah1 · 28/07/2018 13:32

I have a similar dilemma - 12 is a little young to be left all day in my opinion. My daughter doesn’t like it either - she gets lonely. We have no family nearby and none of her friends are allowed to do anything without parental supervision still (which I find bonkers at this age but seems to be the norm round here?) so I have to leave her for a few hours most days. It’s hard - I try to take annual leave and also my husband takes a few days off to break it up. It’s a hard age! Keep thinking it’ll be ok in another year or so - fingers crossed.

Cheerbear23 · 28/07/2018 13:38

My DS is 13 and we have this problem 5 days a week in the holidays.
Some days he goes to work with his dad (self employed), he’s got 2 weeks booked a sports clubs, he can chose to stay at his grandmas (not keen), or hang out at home, maybe have a friend around to play on Xbox (all day).
It’s difficult, I don’t want him roaming the streets whilst I’m at work.

sohelpmegoad · 28/07/2018 17:45

I used to hire a slightly older teenager to come and do things with my 12 year old, the teenager was happy with a bit of money and my dd enjoyed doing things that she wouldn’t normally be old enough to do on her own. I only needed to do for a couple of years and then my dd did it for other slightly younger children

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