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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to go on this holiday any more?

53 replies

Thenthatsthatthen · 26/07/2018 19:12

Booked a holiday with friends (A & B) but haven’t yet paid anything (B has paid upfront)
The last few weeks A&B have been regaualry meeting up, going for dinner/drinks and round eachothers. Everything’s being posted of social media as well. Despite me living close by I’ve been invited to nothing.
I work with A and today mentioned if it was quite I might leave a bit early to catch an earlier train. Come home time she’s practically pushing me out the door saying I best not hang about or i’ll Miss the train. Less than 30 minuets later a post is put up of of her and B at a nearby restaurant. Now there out at a pub at the end of my road (again put all over social media).

Aibu to think they clearly don’t want my company. I hate the thought of spending a week away with people who don’t want my company and am worried about being left or (I know this makes me sound like a teenager)
Obviously I know this would put B out of pocket so I’m going to have to suck it and and go arnt I Sad

OP posts:
Pengggwn · 26/07/2018 19:14

You need to pay (you booked it) but you don't need to go.

bringincrazyback · 26/07/2018 19:14

I have a feeling this behaviour will only get worse on the holiday. I'm not surprised you're reconsidering.

DeadBod · 26/07/2018 19:17

How did you end up booking a holiday with these 2? Do you all go out together normally?

TroubledLichen · 26/07/2018 19:21

This is really odd and not very nice. Would they have some reason to think you don’t want to join them for an evening out? Have you previously turned down a few invitations? Are you in a relationship and they’re single (and maybe looking to meet someone in the pub)? But I would probably pull out of the holiday, I imagine it would only get worse once you’re away.

Original poster
Thenthatsthatthen · 26/07/2018 19:23

@deadbod yes usually we’d go out as a 3. Been that way for a few years now. Then I noticed them meeting up just the two of them (we all work in the same industry, various shift patterns so sometimes it’s hard to meet as a 3 so I wasn’t to put out). Now it’s seems it’s just the two of them, I try to make plans and they claim they have no money/are busy/no babysitter etc (to go for a drink say) then are out the same day for dinner and drinks.

I’m not massively inclined to spend £700 on a holiday and not go. But I don’t want to leave B out of pocket. I guess I could go and do my own stuff if needs be but it’s not what I imagined the holiday being and not really somewhere I’d of picked to go.

OP posts:
Kazplus2 · 26/07/2018 19:23

Have you actually asked the question, is there any reason why they are so ialising frequently without inviting you. Tell them you are concerned that it might be a case of 'threes a crowd's when you are on hols and see what reaction you get!

Returnofthesmileybar · 26/07/2018 19:23

I wouldn't go I would just say that while you consider them both to be friends and appreciate everyone can spend time with whoever they please, it feels like you would almost be encroaching on their holiday and you aren't paying money to feel awkward or like a gooseberry, say you aren't being bitchy, you hope they have a lovely time but you want them to understand why you'd rather not go

PaulRuddislush · 26/07/2018 19:23

What were they like before you booked the holiday? Have you always been on "the outs"?

PaulRuddislush · 26/07/2018 19:24

Sorry x post

TwinkleToes86 · 26/07/2018 19:28

Why did you book a holiday with them? Did you go out with them before the booking? Because that’s really weird and nasty to suddenly leave you out. If you don’t go, you may still get charged the full amount or you may be able to pay less for a late cancel. But you do need to pay, you can’t expect them to pay. Because you’re probably still paying, I think I’d still go. It’s a holiday. If it’s somewhere hot, sunbathe all day, do your own thing.

Melliegrantfirstlady · 26/07/2018 19:30

See in your shoes I’d call them out on this before the holiday. If they are nasty I would not pay!

Original poster
Thenthatsthatthen · 26/07/2018 19:31

I haven’t found the guts to ask them outright, A is quite firery so I imagine work would be awful if I confront them. I guess I’m probably the calmest one of the group as in they go out drinking most weekends, I have DC full time so can’t join them. But when I do get a chance to let my hair down we have a good time. Maybe I’m to boring by their standards Sad
They keep mentioning the holiday and saying how much there looking forward to it, asking if I’m excited, did I buy the swimsuit I was looking at, we went shopping yesterday to get stuff etc. But to be honest each time they ask my heart sinks a little.

OP posts:
deloresclaiborne · 26/07/2018 19:34

who booked the holiday and whose idea was it, i don't want to sound mean but could they have invited you to keep the cost down

Original poster
Thenthatsthatthen · 26/07/2018 19:38

Me and B booked it. A was added on a week later as she originally couldn’t get the time of work. I’m closest to B so won’t leave her out of pocket, although I might see if I can find someone to fill my space. Unlikely but saves me spending a week resenting spending £700 to sunbath alone

OP posts:
rollingonariver · 26/07/2018 19:42

I would go and just go off on my own, ditch them when you go home.

SabineUndine · 26/07/2018 19:45

Id go but not bother with them. So do loads of research before hand about stuf to see and do, bars etc, and leave them to it and have a good time.

Mummyoflittledragon · 26/07/2018 19:47

It sounds like you may have been wendied. A didn’t know B until you introduced them maybe? It sounds like A may have a problem with you. Try speaking to B alone.

deloresclaiborne · 26/07/2018 19:48

well i think you need to speak to them both. let them know that you feel left out and your considering dropping out of the holiday
their reaction should tell you all you need to khow
please speak to them first don't just drop out, they may not realize how hurtful they are being

Equalityumber · 26/07/2018 19:50

I think you should give them a chance to address the situation. Just calmly mention that although you acknowledge you don’t have as much free time you would like, you would still make the time for drinks now and again.

If they’re defensive about it then I wouldn’t bother going on the trip.

LEMtheoriginal · 26/07/2018 19:50

Fuck that - call them out on it. Pair of cunts

Nettletheelf · 26/07/2018 19:51

Who says that they are going to ditch you on the holiday? So what if they sometimes just see each other without you?

If they don’t have full time childcare they may see nothing odd about spending time together without the friend who does have full time responsibility. They may not even realise that you feel left out.

They have mentioned the trip to you and asked what swimsuit you bought, etc., so they obviously think that you are very much part of the trip. How do you get from that to ‘spending £700 to sunbathe alone’?

Sticking B with the cost of your holiday is really manky. Just go, see what happens. It will probably be great.

YouBetterWORK · 26/07/2018 19:53

I'd speak to B. For all you know A could be feeding her excuses as to why you can't attend their cosy nights out. Although reading one of your updates about making excuses whenever you try to organise, then meet up later without you I'd be so tempted to say bollocks to them. 700 smackaroos is a nice price to pay for being nasty people who most definitely aren't your friends. They're like the cool but unpleasant girls at school who throw you a bone of their time to keep you hanging on. They aren't relying on you for anything holiday related are they, like a lift to the airport...Hmm

MiniCooperLover · 26/07/2018 19:53

You need to grow up and ask what's going on! You'd rather end up £700 out of pocket but not ask the question? Maybe they've realised you're not that enthusiastic ??!

quizqueen · 26/07/2018 19:55

Your 'friend' was crazy to pay up front for your holiday!

LeonoraFlorence · 26/07/2018 19:56

This sounds horrible. I wouldn’t go. Or could you ask another friend to go too?