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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to go on this holiday any more?

53 replies

Thenthatsthatthen · 26/07/2018 19:12

Booked a holiday with friends (A & B) but haven’t yet paid anything (B has paid upfront)
The last few weeks A&B have been regaualry meeting up, going for dinner/drinks and round eachothers. Everything’s being posted of social media as well. Despite me living close by I’ve been invited to nothing.
I work with A and today mentioned if it was quite I might leave a bit early to catch an earlier train. Come home time she’s practically pushing me out the door saying I best not hang about or i’ll Miss the train. Less than 30 minuets later a post is put up of of her and B at a nearby restaurant. Now there out at a pub at the end of my road (again put all over social media).

Aibu to think they clearly don’t want my company. I hate the thought of spending a week away with people who don’t want my company and am worried about being left or (I know this makes me sound like a teenager)
Obviously I know this would put B out of pocket so I’m going to have to suck it and and go arnt I Sad

OP posts:
NapQueen · 26/07/2018 19:58

When did B pay and why havent you paid her back yet? Maybe this is having an effect?

rainforesttreeswinging · 26/07/2018 19:58

Look into whether you are able to cancel/adjust the hotel room at least, and then you could in fact cover the cost of the flights and still not go without B being out of pocket.

If you are prepared to lose them as friends, you could be honest about the reason you are feeling doubtful about going by email or text if you want to avoid confrontation, and leave it with them (good friends would quickly apologise and stop said behaviour)

I wouldn't go as things stand. It could be even worse when you are away potentially.

Original poster
Thenthatsthatthen · 26/07/2018 19:59

@nettle because when I ask them if they want to go for a drink and they both say no, then I find out they’ve gone out the same night just them two and when I’m being practically pushed out the office so that I’m not there when B shows up it makes me worried they might go off without me. I have no issue not always doing thing as a 3, I appreciate it’s hard with our shift patterns but they go out 2-3 times a week and I’ve been invited once in the last 3 months.

OP posts:
PositivelyPERF · 26/07/2018 20:03

Are you sure she has paid for you? Have you seen the booking?

Original poster
Thenthatsthatthen · 26/07/2018 20:04

B paid upfront and I’ve paid back all bar £100 which she’ll be given on payday (as agreed-as a group we decided to uprade the package a bit for a nicer room, better flights etc pay. But I said I didn’t have the cash right now so to avoid everyone missing it she paid and I agreed to pay it back when I get paid).

I know I need to put my big girl pants on and ask what’s going on. There literally at a pub 2 minuets away, I might just walk down and ask where my invite was

OP posts:
PositivelyPERF · 26/07/2018 20:07

I hate to be a cynic, but have you actually see the evidence of the booking, or are you just taking her word for it. It sounds strange that they are ignoring you on one hand, but on the other hand, keep going on about the holiday.

LittleOwl153 · 26/07/2018 20:08

I would have to call them on it. What is the holudsy- Is it the sort where the 3rd person going to end up with a camp bed cramp into the room. I'm guessing that's yours if it is.
I'm going to go against the grain here. If you call them out on it and nothing changes I would not pay. Let them find someone else. They obviously don't want you and you have now been dropped now that A can go. Why should you pay for the privilege?

keyboardkate · 26/07/2018 20:09

This kind of ganging up happened to me many years ago now.

I am a right so and so, but I left it for five or six days and when I challenged to two Leaders of the Pack, they said I was imagining things. But I wasn't, at all.

So it was in Greece back in the day where a local would let out a room for a pittance, and so I just went one morning when the leaders had left without me.

It was a bit further away than our original place. And looking back, I was very brave (didn't feel it at the time), but it taught me a great lesson.

Two's company, three's a crowd. Be careful who you share your hols with is all I will say.

Gemini69 · 26/07/2018 20:09

I wouldn't spend an hour with these selfish excluding clowns.. never mind 7 days.. try to find someone else to go on their holiday ... Flowers

Keeptrudging · 26/07/2018 20:11

Maybe they're not asking you to join them just now because they know you're a bit short of cash so don't want to rub your nose in it that they can afford to socialise more?

category12 · 26/07/2018 20:12

Go to the pub and join them.

Jaxtellerswife · 26/07/2018 20:24

I'm tense for you op. Reminds me of being at school and that horrible left out feeling. I hope you go and speak to them at the pub. Good luck

hadenough · 26/07/2018 20:28

I agree about going to the pub, if nothing else their reaction when they see you there will tell you a lot.

LeftRightCentre · 26/07/2018 20:39

£700 is a lot to lose. I think you should get a backbone and ask if you can back out without paying.

Hygge · 26/07/2018 20:41

When is the holiday?

Can you find someone to take your place and pay you or your friend back for it?

I wouldn't want to go either in your shoes. What they are doing sounds really mean and if they're excluding you already you're not going to have a good time.

If there's time to find someone else to take your place I'd do that.

Original poster
Thenthatsthatthen · 26/07/2018 20:42

I sent B a message asking where my invite was (in a light hearted way) and apparently it was a last minuet thing, and A asked her if she had plans that night and to come and meet her. B said she knew i was working today so didn’t think I’d be able to join them and didn’t think to ask me. A however knew I wasn’t working and knew I was childless tonight and didn’t think to invite me (even when driving past my house, with my car on the drive so clearly I was in) to get to said pub. A clearly doesn’t want my company and B didn’t think to ask me.

OP posts:
KeiTeNgeNge · 26/07/2018 20:45

Pop into the pub

User183737 · 26/07/2018 20:48

A is being a manipulative bitch.

LeftRightCentre · 26/07/2018 20:57

Sorry, but I after reading that last post I wouldn't hesitate to message B back and tell her you can't go on the holiday anymore.

LeftRightCentre · 26/07/2018 20:59

Because B doesn't want your company, either, the blame is not just on A.

roundaboutthetown · 26/07/2018 21:04

Sounds like they're using you to make their holiday cheaper.

User183737 · 26/07/2018 21:05

I couldnt share a room with them both, at all. Nasty fuckers

HollowTalk · 26/07/2018 21:07

Has B paid upfront for everyone? Has everything been paid for now, by B?

rainforesttreeswinging · 26/07/2018 21:07

So have you all but paid? As this seems very very planned to hope you would pull out, and you would lose your money.
They are playing you, driving past and not even texting you what kind of friend does that and leaves you at home on your own?
Despicable ‘friends’ and really you can do much much better than this.
Don’t worry about the £100 just pull out, it sounds awful

Theimpossiblegirl · 26/07/2018 21:10

I'm sorry but you are going to have to discuss it. It might be that one is manipulating the situation (A?) and the other is unaware (B?), or that they are both purposefully leaving you out. Either way, you can't go on holiday with this hanging over you. It will be miserable.