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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Holiday home and costs

32 replies

thefinn · 26/07/2018 17:03

Just wondering on the etiquette on this. I have a holiday home and we are spending the next weekend there and dp and I invited two other couples there to spend time with us. Swimming, going on a boat trip, enjoying bbq.. generally relaxing. As I made the invitation i fully expect us to provide all the food and alcohol, snacks bed linens what have you for us all. However one couple created a whatsapp group for this saying they would like to know beforehand what everyone provides and the "breakdown" of costs. This of course is very friendly and thoughtful of them. WIBU just to text to the group they are welcome to write their wishes and we will then try to accomodate them as best we can? The reason why I ask is that DP thought it was a great idea sharing costs and rensponsibilities of who is brining what etc. For context these couples are both from DP's circle of friends originally... and although I have saved for these days to be able to treat everyone I am now left second guessing. Would you be offended if you were told "everything's being taken care of by us- our treat"? Would you be offended that your kind offer of help/contribution was "turned" down".

OP posts:

EscapeTheCastle · 26/07/2018 17:05

I wouldn't feel offended by your offer but it's fun to muck in on the organisation and the costs.

Original poster

thefinn · 26/07/2018 17:07

haha also sorry for the spelling errors! I guess it comes down to me for some reason enjoying hosting!

OP posts:

MakeMineALarge1 · 26/07/2018 17:11

Can I be invited next time please?
What a generous offer and yes it's lovely to want to treat your friends. If I was a friend I'd be very grateful but would feel I'd need to contribute something . Be it alcohol or snacks or meal accompaniments such as salad, coleslaw or garlic bread.

frenchfancy · 26/07/2018 17:17

We often have people using us as a base for their holidays. I would definitely let them contribute, that way if you all have a good time and want to repeat it no-one will feel awkward.

katycb · 26/07/2018 17:21

I'd feel I need to contribute something. When we do similar as a group (using my parents holiday home) we might cake it in turns to cook or pay for a meal out one night. Or we do food and one couple pay cleaning costs. Doesn't need to be exact if you are good friends but they might want to contribute something kx

Marylou2 · 26/07/2018 17:26

I’d just say “Bring yourselves and booze” and leave it at that 😀 . Sounds a lovely weekend.

TistyTosty · 26/07/2018 17:27

If I was one of your guests I would feel much more comfortable if I was able to contribute - your guests are being fair in their offer.

Original poster

thefinn · 26/07/2018 17:35

Oh i know they are being lovely with their messages. i will borrow the line "any extra booze would be a bonus". I hope it is enough for the couple 1 who asked for a breakdown of costs! And any mumsnetters willing to visit Scandinavia are always welcome. just pm me! lol- i guess I read too many threads when i searched with "holiday home"- I should be so lucky our friends are not CF

OP posts:

BackforGood · 26/07/2018 17:42

Agree with everyone else.
You are providing free accommodation for them. I would expect to bring or contribute financially to all the food / drink etc. as well as the organisation of such, tbh. (ie, who is bringing what, and if you are eating out or bringing food to eat at home / who is bringing things such as tea and coffee, or - if you go regularly and leave stuff like that there, what donation I could make tot he 'pot' for things like that, and toilet rolls, washing up liquid, etc.,etc)

Racecardriver · 26/07/2018 17:46

I would also be expecting to provide everything in your position. Is there anything that yours guests are known for? Maybe some home baking or help picking out wine?

firstworldproblems2018 · 26/07/2018 17:47

You sounds lovely OP! I would go with something like:

‘We are really looking forward to having you all to stay, please don’t feel you have to bring anything or contribute financially, but if you’d like to bring a couple of bottles that would be fab. If anyone has any food allergies or things they really don’t like, please let me know. Can’t wait to see you all.’

Bluelady · 26/07/2018 17:57

Firstworld's response is perfect.

Original poster

thefinn · 26/07/2018 17:58

@firstworldproblems- thankyou- as well as everyone else.Literally translated that from English to our language. It seemed to make everyone happy as the couple messaged me that they are bringing alcohol then. I just really want everyone to enjoy themselves. It was the words "breakdown of costs" that was so foreign to me and got me scared. I am making the full shop tomorrow and asked for any allergies and dislikes. I guess I have the heat to blame alongside myself for thinking I really have to breakdown the cost.. All I want is for us all to be able to enjoy three carefree days! Mumsnetters you rock!

OP posts:

Ifeelshit · 26/07/2018 18:03

I like to contribute, otherwise I don't feel I can relax and feel on my best behaviour with regards to eating and drinking as I don't want people to think I'm being greedy. It means I don't have the most comfortable holiday. I'd much prefer to throw £100 in the food kitty and then eat as much as I want of my share.

That makes me sound really greedy, I'm not, but I just don't like taking advantage.

TheShapeOfEwe · 26/07/2018 18:06

I wouldn't be offended at all - you're very generous! But people do like to be included so maybe say 'all taken care of but if you want to bring anything a nice dessert or some wine is always welcome'

UrsulaPandress · 26/07/2018 18:07

We have lovely friends who happen to be ridiculously wealthy and used to have a rather impressive holiday home. They kindly invited us to stay several times and we used to take loads of booze plus food to prepare at least one meal.

Although looking back I do worry that we maybe were not generous enough. I just worked on the principle that if I invite people to my home I provide everything but some wine is always welcomed and a meal out is appreciated.

LucyFox · 26/07/2018 18:13

I would definitely ask them to bring their favourite beverages & be grateful in accepting if they offer to take you out to dinner etc

Original poster

thefinn · 26/07/2018 18:19

Thank you everyone! This holiday home belongs to all of our family meaning my mum, sister and brother and me and my dp. We invited these people 2 couples and 1 child to come I think in April, or early May. My Dp Thought it is normal to share costs whereas for me it has always been my treat- my "problem". I was mostly worried what the childless couple 2 would think when they also see the "breakdown of costs". I'm glad to treat them because we have always been well treated when visiting all of them too. Thank you all for different points of view.

OP posts:

Original poster

thefinn · 26/07/2018 18:22

I will be very grateful for any gifts etc- i understand that. I posted because I was afraid we really have to get into mathematics of the cost of the break when this indeed was my idea. The people we invited are lovely and I can't (seriously) wait to see them and spend this long weekend with them!

OP posts:

EdisonLightBulb · 26/07/2018 18:25

I also like to contribute even if a friend said they would fund it all. So a whatsapp saying nothing expected, but if you want to bring a couple of bottles or a bit of food that would be amazing, but seriously not needed.

I would cater to provide everything despite this, if I was the host.

As a guest based on that text I would take wine (I drink lots) a crate of beer, a couple of large bottles of coke, or sparkling water or similar and croissants, fruit, bacon, a pudding, and meat.

Bluelady · 26/07/2018 18:25

This is quite alien to me. If I invite people to stay I don't expect them to provide anything. A bottle of wine or a bunch of flowers but that's all.

Original poster

thefinn · 26/07/2018 18:33

@Bluelady- exactly what I had in mind. I had planned what to take and cook for weeks and now a day before I get this Whatsapp group. But now I do appreciate that they are just good people wanting to contribute, it genuinely seems to be something many posters have mentioned. haha, I always knew they were good people but just a bit shocked at the request of detailing the costs.. but like my dp tried to explain families are different regarding this.

OP posts:

BottleOfJameson · 26/07/2018 18:35

If its your holiday home I would maybe assume the linen, towels etc would be there already but I certainly wouldn't be expecting you to provide food and alcohol. If anything I'd be expecting the guests to treat you to a meal out or similar as a thank you.

BottleOfJameson · 26/07/2018 18:37

Although I would also be happy if you said I've planned food etc out already and either it's my treat or can you contribute x pounds. Either way it sounds like you've gone to lots of trouble and I'm sure your guests will be delighted.

Chickenbhunaandoice · 26/07/2018 18:40

Just bring something to share

leave it at that.

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