Holiday home and costs

[thefinn]

Just wondering on the etiquette on this. I have a holiday home and we are spending the next weekend there and dp and I invited two other couples there to spend time with us. Swimming, going on a boat trip, enjoying bbq.. generally relaxing. As I made the invitation i fully expect us to provide all the food and alcohol, snacks bed linens what have you for us all. However one couple created a whatsapp group for this saying they would like to know beforehand what everyone provides and the "breakdown" of costs. This of course is very friendly and thoughtful of them. WIBU just to text to the group they are welcome to write their wishes and we will then try to accomodate them as best we can? The reason why I ask is that DP thought it was a great idea sharing costs and rensponsibilities of who is brining what etc. For context these couples are both from DP's circle of friends originally... and although I have saved for these days to be able to treat everyone I am now left second guessing. Would you be offended if you were told "everything's being taken care of by us- our treat"? Would you be offended that your kind offer of help/contribution was "turned" down".

I would say ‘oh we had planned to cater, no need to share costs but any booze or extras would be great. If anyone does want to take on a meal, or similar, let us know’.

My brother and his lovely wife have a little place abroad.

This is slightly different, as we NEVER go away together with any of the family. We just like to go ourselves now and again. Great unwind!

However, we pay for the cleaners and linen change, and a sum towards the aircon and all that. They have never asked for anything, but we reckon that a lovely spot where we know how everything works is worth a decent contribution and works out so much cheaper than renting a place for two weeks. Win win.

Hence we have absolutely no problem slotting ourselves into a few weeks throughout the year. I think our contribution while not expected is very much appreciated!

Anyway OP, I'd do what others suggest and invite them to bring a few bottles. You can organise food etc. when you are there. A kitty is a good idea but in my experience a lot of men don't seem to like that idea!

Hope you all have a nice break.

Is it possible the couple asking for a breakdown on costs are on a budget and are concerned about what they may be letting themselves in for? I don’t think anyone would be offended that you are planning to cover everything but equally it’s nice for them to feel they have contributed. Suggesting additional booze/preferred tipple is perfect.

Thanks- I emailed to the couple wishing them welcome once again, and telling them there will be no cost to them, or anyone at all seeing as the cottages are on an island off the coast and we always end up bringing stuff back to the mainland and home as it is. Yes they told me they are on a budget... so glad to have them join us. thanks for advice:)

Thanks everyone- I was not used to such thoughtful people.

thefinn I will bring all the alcohol you want if you invite me next time 😁😁😁😁

I think it's lovely you are planning on treating them. If I was a guest I'd expect to split costs, particularly as you are already providing the accommodation. If I wasn't sure then I'd probably send a message like your friends did, so it was clear I was happy to pay my way and you didn't feel awkward asking for money. If be happy to be told just bring booze though.

I think the difference is, I got the impression from your opening post, that 3 couples were going for a weekend away together, and it just happened that you owned the building you were all going to use. If I were going away, like that, then I would expect the food / expenses to be split equally between the 3 couples - hence the question from your guest.

Reading on through the thread, I'm getting the impression that you have invited 2 couples to stay with you for the weekend , and it just happens that particular weekend you have decamped to this 2nd home you have, but you have still invited them to stay with you. Now, if I were going to stay with friends in their home then I would take wine, flowers, and probably cake, chocs or a nice pud, and they would sort all the catering (unless we went out for a meal). This would be balanced however, by them staying with me another time, and I would do all the food etc, and they would bring similar gifts.

To my mind, they are 2 completely different scenarios. Hence the confusion of replies I think.