Frequent business trips as a single mother - AIBU to consider this job?

[craxmum]

So I was offered this job. Relatively good pay (more than double compared to what I am on now, around 110K), generous annual leave, and only 4 days a week.
However, there is a requirement (disclosed only at the last interview) to travel internationally. Probably for 3-4 days a month, but with overnights. All travel to the EU or US, nothing exotic.
I have two children, 3 and 5, and unfortunately no friends or family in the UK, and my ex husband is also not involved.
AIBU to consider it at all? Or is it manageable - night nannies, I don't know... Or travelling with the children and a nanny?
All opinions welcome.

Take the job and find the best nanny ever and treat her like absolute gold in terms of pay and conditions. That way she will stay with you for years and become like a second parent. You said your kids are independent so I'm sure they won't mind you being away if they come to love their nanny. The only time this falls to pieces is if the mum becomes jealous of the nanny or treats the nanny badly and there is then a fast turnover of nannies. This leads to kids being really screwed up. Treat the nanny like a family member and hopefully they will become like one.

Take the job and find the best nanny ever and treat her like absolute gold in terms of pay and conditions. That way she will stay with you for years and become like a second parent.

Absolutely this. My aunt and uncle both worked long hours and worked away fairly often. They had the best nanny ever - absolutely a third parent. She loved those kids and they loved her. They're all grown up now but she still comes to graduations and big celebrations and is basically like a close aunt to them. My aunt and uncle really did make sure she was happy all the time she was there - she was made to feel like a respected part of the family.

If the pay increase will fund a Nanny then I would grab the opportunity with both hands! Well done on securing this position, it sounds like a jump up the career ladder.

Take the job!! It's only 3-4 days a month. Not twice a week. You'd be mad not to take it! Plus you more than cover the cost of a nanny and allow for extras that you'll be able to afford. It's a no brainer if you ask me

Single mum here living abroad. I usually do at least two blocks of 3-4 days travel, per month.

I would take the job and spend as much of the pay rise as possible on the best possible nanny. Don’t be tempted to try and economise - cheaper options will cancel on you. Friends, neighbours etc can cover for day trips but for overnights, especially more than one night, it has to be either family or a well-paid, top-notch nanny, particularly with kids this young. 4 days on the trot with a three and five year old is not appropriate for au pair.

One option that works for me when ExH can’t cover is to fly my mum in (short-haul flight) which the DCs love and I hope Mum enjoys.

The kids will be just fine so long as you invest heavily and realistically in childcare. I would take the job, the childcare expenses are temporary, the effect on your long term means, pension and prospects all permanent. Your kids will thank you for all that when they’re older. Well done btw :)

I’d say try it. Really depends on whether you strike lucky with recruitment and your children. And how much you want too to. In terms ‘can’t leave a child for 4 days’....think doctors, nurses, care assistants, firefighters etc, etc. Presumably as single parent without family backup you have a bit of a ‘village’ who can give any real emergency back up to Nanny and maybe observe quality etc. but remember too that a Nanny should be trained and hopefully have experience. Some members of my family - whilst adorable - are also clueless with kids.

A good nanny that will do the overnight might cost around 5k if you include salary, taxes, money she will spend on activities/transport/food.
But definitely doable, and I would do it.

Thanks everyone.
A good nanny that will do the overnight might cost around 5k if you include salary, taxes, money she will spend on activities/transport/food.

No, 5K is definitely not affordable on the new potential pay. I saw nanny positions with a similar level of salary advertised, but I assumed they were celebrity families.

Look for live in nanny
I think for 4 days a week it’s very very doable

£5K ? That’s more than I earn

And what harsh said !

A couple of things to consider:

Maybe they want you enough that you can negotiate down or completely away the travel requirement?

If you can secure this £110k role you can probably secure another that suits your circumstances

I travel a lot for work, and did when DH was unwell and unable to care for dcs - it was tricky but just about managed.
3-4 days means 2 nights if you time it right. There are good nannies who will jump at a role that's 4 days a week plus the opportunity to earn extra two nights a month. In our part of London, good nannies will usually cost £12 per hour net / up to £15 per hour gross (including tax, pension etc) during the day, and you can negotiate cheaper block rates overnight.
Personally I'd go for this option as it takes a lot of stress off about getting home, doing little jobs for the kids etc - then when they are 4 and 6 you could get an au pair if you have space, to provide wrap arounds for school hours.
Alternatively you could use nursery plus school and after school club plus a nanny for the overnights, but honestly I think that adds a lot of stress to your life!
A good nanny will not only do the childcare and nights, they can help with the DCs homework, washing, bed linen changes, cooking, even birthday parties if they aren't something you're into planning! It's a tremendous help especially when you don't have a lot of support around. Agencies charge a bomb for finding them, but our best luck has been childcare.co.uk.
Congratulations and good luck with whatever you choose.

By the way my costs above are for live out nannies as I never wanted live in. Living in is cheaper but you do have to provide a fair bit in benefits and someone on here recently had a situation where their live in nanny got pregnant and legally had the right to remain in the home during maternity leave, which put me off a bit (totally ok with getting a nanny who wants to get pregnant, less ok with a non family member and small baby sharing our small house for a year). Do have friends who love the set up though!

I work with someone who is in this situation.

She has a live in nanny who is happy to do a few overnights each month in return for working a normal four day week. The nanny likes to go home outside the city for the three day weekend

It's a steady arrangement and the nanny has been with them for years now.

I don't see why the mum being away for a few nights a week is a problem - lots of kids would spend a few nights away from their mother a week with the other parent after a relationship ends. They don't need mum every single day if they have other great adults they have strong relationships with.

If it's just 3 to 4 days a month. I'd get a Nanny...but when recruiting specify the need to sleep over 3 to 4 days a month.

That way she's not in your space all the time.

I sounds doable but you have to weigh up if the net increase is worth having someone in your house all the time. The guts of your pay rise are going to go on the nanny.

Good for you, op. Brilliant opportunity. Figure out a childcare solution and do it. From one super challenged single mum to another!!

I do this - travel at least once a month, overnight, and DH works 6 days a week. We have an incredible nanny who we all adore and is like a third parent. My parents will come and stay as well but my mum often gets tired and then the nanny takes over. My kids are 4 and 6 and I've done it since before DS2 was born. The weeks I'm home I do 2 school pickups, and bath and bed each night, and DH does all morning school runs.

Go to an agency for your nanny, you won't be deluged with time wasters. I'd say 2.5k net is about right for London depending on experience and other ts&cs. The agency will help you on that, call a couple to get an idea.

As pp said, find an amazing nanny; treat her well and she will become part of the family. Take the job but try negotiating further (either to commit to less overnights or higher pay to account for paying the nanny). Best of luck with it! And congratulations!!