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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Frequent business trips as a single mother - AIBU to consider this job?

70 replies

craxmum · 26/07/2018 16:03

So I was offered this job. Relatively good pay (more than double compared to what I am on now, around 110K), generous annual leave, and only 4 days a week.
However, there is a requirement (disclosed only at the last interview) to travel internationally. Probably for 3-4 days a month, but with overnights. All travel to the EU or US, nothing exotic.
I have two children, 3 and 5, and unfortunately no friends or family in the UK, and my ex husband is also not involved.
AIBU to consider it at all? Or is it manageable - night nannies, I don't know... Or travelling with the children and a nanny?
All opinions welcome.

OP posts:
CMOTDibbler · 26/07/2018 16:36

I think if you can have a nanny who agrees to do overnights, then it would work.

I'm not a single parent, but I have travelled for work for 18 years, 12 of which I've had a child. DH and I make it work between us, no nanny or family help and he travels for work too.
Ds is totally blase about it all, and his only worry is whether we have acquired a Starbucks mug from wherever we are.

SugarIsAmazing · 26/07/2018 16:42

I wouldn't take the job, you can't leave a 3 and 5 year old without their mum a few days every month!

sonypony · 26/07/2018 16:43

I can't see any reason why it wouldn't work with a live in nanny. A family member used to be a live in nanny for a family in a similar work situation and it worked fine. Good luck whatever you decide.

farfallarocks · 26/07/2018 16:43

A live in nanny is much cheaper than live out, cheaper than 2x Nursery too. Sounds like a great role, good pay,4 days a week and travel can be a god send with young kids. Flying in your own with a magazine, hotel, gym etc

Givemeabreak01 · 26/07/2018 16:44

Take it it’s an amazing opportunity.... I think with a live in nanny there is no reason why you can’t give it a go.... and in all honesty if it doesn’t work you can always find something else....! If you did co parent with their dad they would be away from you so many days a month anyway!! Congratulations and good luck!

farfallarocks · 26/07/2018 16:44

Why not Sugar?

Notcontent · 26/07/2018 16:45

I am in the same position as you - lone parent, no family in the U.K. I have quite a good professional job but one of the things that has limited mg career path is the fact I can't do travel, as it just wouldn't work for my dc. In my view you could maybe do it if you had a live in nanny that you really liked and trusted. Definitely not an au pair!!!!!!

I think with no family this is very tricky. Particularly if you don't already have a nanny that's well established in your household. Also, one or two nights away could maybe be ok, but not more.

farfallarocks · 26/07/2018 16:47

Live in nannies usually do 2 nights a week babysitting anyway. So you could agree that overnight flexibility into your contract. Presumably she would have the 5 th day off anyway. In london the live in rate is 350-450 net a week for 5 days.

Grobagsforever · 26/07/2018 16:49

Hi - lone parent who travels here. I use in laws or pay my live out nanny an overnight fee. Completely do-able on that salary.

YearOfYouRemember · 26/07/2018 16:50

An au pair isn't the right role for this job. Surely it's obvious you need a nanny? They will have 24/7 care for small children with no grand parents etc nearby for back up.

juneau · 26/07/2018 16:51

YANBU to consider it, but I think you'll have to factor in a live-in nanny or someone who is happy to live in for those nights that you will be away. If it's only 3-4 nights per month it shouldn't be an issue, I wouldn't have thought.

juneau · 26/07/2018 16:52

Au-pairs aren't qualified to be left in sole charge. I was an au-pair and while I could've managed I really don't think the family would've been wise to leave me alone with their DD. She'd have been fine, but I was a fairly clueless 19-year-old, as are many au-pairs.

crunchymint · 26/07/2018 16:53

I would take this with a live in nanny. But don't stint on the nanny pay, pay the going rate rather than trying to get someone cheap. And ask around for advice about how to make it an attractive post so you can get and keep someone good.

HollowTalk · 26/07/2018 16:54

£3K per month? Are you in London? Would that be for a live in nanny or for one who just lives in when needed?

Shitonthebloodything · 26/07/2018 16:56

Don't turn it down it's definitely manageable. Do you really need a live in nanny or just one that's flexible enough to stay on occasion?

bengalcat · 26/07/2018 16:59

You can either have a live in nanny or pay a live out extra - a significant amount of the payrise will be used up in childcare but I would imagine the job would be worth it looking longterm - and let's face it many mothers struggle with opportunities when they've been out of the workforce or unable to be flexible

Original poster
craxmum · 26/07/2018 16:59

Yes, I am in London. I just looked at a couple of nanny websites (agencies, tax admin etc), and they suggest 2.5K gross for a full-time professional nanny (with pensions, holiday etc), I added .5K on top as overnight premium?

OP posts:
FermatsTheorem · 26/07/2018 17:00

I think a night nanny would be right for this sort of situation (I have a friend who's a hospital senior registrar who has a similar arrangement because she works blocks of nights every so often).

WorraLiberty · 26/07/2018 17:01

I wouldn't take the job, you can't leave a 3 and 5 year old without their mum a few days every month!

You haven't said why, Sugar?

Liverbird77 · 26/07/2018 17:02

Personally, I would go for it. That is a great salary...enough to pay for childcare and a great standard of living. Once there is some kind of continuity (even if that just means the kids are used to you being away and have the same caregiver), it will get easier. Also, they won't be that young for much longer and will increasingly have their own friends etc. Finally, if the salary is that high you must be quite senior. Business class flights and a couple of nice meals in a hotel may be a welcome break for you from the monotony of being the constant parent. It will also get you set up in a great career!

Ratonastick · 26/07/2018 17:03

I’ve done something similar for years. I have one DS. Family are relatively close at hand but I made a point of not relying on them. It seemed that it would blur the GP/DS relationship if they were in a part time parenting role. However they always covered sports days, nativity plays, etc if I couldn’t (i never missed a parents evening though). Childcare was done by a live in nanny or later on (from about 7-8) by a live in au pair. It worked well, but it was something I did from the very start so it was always DSs normal. I made sure I called home at bedtime every night and DS always knew where I was and that I was happy to speak to him at anytime. He was involved in choosing au pairs (they tend to move after 12 or 24 months) and we had one great Male au pair who stayed for nearly 3 years who DS is still pals with. I also made sure that work were completely aware that I was a single parent and needed to manage my schedule accordingly. I have had very supportive employers throughout, though I do think that I made it so clear that they couldn’t be anything other than supportive without looking like total asshats.

DS is 15 now and we have a live out lady who I euphemistically call our housekeeper who stays over when I am away. Strangely, mid teens is more difficult that younger as he is too big for an au pair but I can’t possibly leave him alone for days at a time.

So, yes it is absolutely doable. You need to be mega organised and have a diary that syncs EVERYTHING but so does every other working parent!

Original poster
craxmum · 26/07/2018 17:13

Thank you everyone for the opinions, all very gladly received.
It is not exactly senior, just very niche / technical. Say, I was programming individual robots before, and now offered to program robot armies (not exactly robots, but the cool mum factor is still there).
I understand that the net increase might not be that impressive (if the nanny is 3K and the current mortgage is 1.3K, I will be left with around 1.5K a month for all other living expenses). It is still a massive improvement, because it is pretty much living payday to payday now.

OP posts:
SugarIsAmazing · 26/07/2018 17:40

@farfallarocks and @WorraLiberty what do you mean why??

Surely the fact that they're so young is reason enough!

CloudPop · 26/07/2018 17:48

If you can sort out the childcare then definitely go for it. Either a live in nanny / housekeeper type person, or a live out nanny who is happy to stay nights when needed would work

Merryoldgoat · 26/07/2018 18:12

If you could get a live-in nanny you could trust I would go for it. Sounds like a great opportunity.

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