To think that this is a ridiculous thing to say about our kids?

[AsIfIWish]

DH, as a retort - "Well, I think they don't spend enough time [playing games] on the computer."

The kids are 8 and 6. I was saying they shouldn't spend too long playing on the computer (no more than 20 mins twice a week would be my ideal) and DH comes out with this. They use computers regularly at school and have no problems with how to use them. The games they often play under his watch don't hone any skills particularly, nor are they educational or even matching 3, etc.

DH didn't have a computer until he was at least in secondary school and clearly didn't miss out as he is into coding and hardware and things like that, and used to be a software tester. I didn't have a computer until I was 14 and I'm even better at working things out on the computer than he is, so would never assume that to be good at computers you have to start young. Add to that the fact that everyone can use computers these days; it's not a rare skill!

To add insult to injury, DH sits at his computer all day, has no proper job, and is a bit of a layabout...

Sounds like your DH has serious issues that you need to sort out, but also that isn't a huge amount of time on the computer if it's something the kids love. I would be fine with upping the limit a bit.

40 mins a week sounds very measly OP!!

My husband spends about 2 hours a day playing games on top of his work and he's super social, extremely clever with a good job... what bad thing do you think is going to happen to them?

Yes everyone 'can' use computers, if your kids enjoy it and start teaching themselves skills then they are going to be way ahead when looking at jobs in the future. I know of people going up against people much younger than them for jobs because they taught themselves computer/design skills as a teen and were lightyears ahead.

Sounds like your issue is DH and your kids' computer time is the least of your worries.

Why don't you want them to play computer games that are just fun??? They're kids let them play.

Hmmm I can see both sides of it really. Of course you don't want to encourage screen time over exercise, socialising, seeing different places etc. but, on the other hand, technology is very much a part of life now and they need to know how to navigate it. I know lots of pupils at the school I work in who are hopeless on computers - can't email, have a very basic grasp of Word, are absolutely shocking at navigating the internet....yes, they do Computing as a subject but that's once a week for an hour and they often tell me how much they struggle with it. When I query their PC use at home they invariably "aren't allowed" computer time and I do think heavily restricting it does put them at a disadvantage.

I spent hours a week playing on my computer. At least, my parents thought I was playing but I was learning to code in basic.

Having that early literacy and comfort with a PC gave me opportunities to go into IT. I now have an extremely good senior position that I would not have had, if I hadn't been allowed time to "fiddle" with the PC.

Virtually all decent jobs now require people to have a basic competency with computers. Social Media is where your kids are going to communicate, network and market themselves.

Why would you want to deny them all that because you have some anachronistic idea that spending time in front of a PC is "bad"?

Keep them active, let them doing outdoor activities and hobbies and throw them outside to play every now and then. But don't hold them back by imposing your own views which don't align with the world they're going to grow up in.

Are you sure the problem isn't just that you're worried they'll become "layabouts" like their Dad?

Your problem is your cocklodger husband. Ignore any stupid things he says and get him to look for jobs.

YANBU that they don't need any time playing mindless games on the computer. It probably wouldn't do them any harm to have a little more but it's not beneficial. My DH loves playing games together with DS - it's not something I love but DH and DS love that time together and they are at least playing together rather than gawping into separate screens.

@DeadHerring - I spent hours a week playing on my computer. At least, my parents thought I was playing but I was learning to code in basic.

The reality is, most kids are not learning to code and most of what they are "learning" will be of no benefit to them if they are simply playing games.

I know plenty of kids who spend loads of time playing games on computers but who are incapable of working with Word, Excel etc.

It's not a question of screen time = good or screen time = bad. Skills learnt depend of what type of screen time is going on.

Your problem is that your DH is a slacker (or depressed).

It depends a bit on what your DCs are doing the rest of the time. If for example they're watching 2+ hours of TV over the week then YABU as frankly I'd often prefer them to be playing an age appropriate computer gam where a least they are an active participant and honing hand eye coordination. I'd then just swap out TV time for game time.

If they're using the rest of their time to read, play sport / have fun with friends / programme robots / knit etc then yes, better to stick with that a bit longer.

You can use the extra quiet time to decide what to do with a layabout DH...

The reality is, most kids are not learning to code and most of what they are "learning" will be of no benefit to them if they are simply playing games.

And what's wrong with just playing games? Not everything has to be educational or worthy. There's nothing wrong with just flopping out and playing Super Mario or Minecraft for a couple of hours!

learning to code is a great and useful thing but most i see are on devices not computers.big difference.
dh taught himself coding starting in the 70s(army) and as changes came would go into source code to learn how.
wrote many applications and programs.and wouldn't go near a phone or device(pads,pods)

Definitely sounds like a DH problem rather than a DC problem!

For what it's worth, I used to spend hours playing computer games with my sister. She is mildly autistic, and not good at communicating, so it was a good way of having quality time together. Playing computer games is no better/worse than watching TV. I'd only worry about it if they aren't getting enough time to pursue other hobbies, or if they aren't going outside/getting exercise enough. 40 mins a week does sound quite restrictive for their age, they are old enough to learn to self-regulate a bit perhaps? You could give them a bit more freedom with it as a trial, perhaps.

Why doesn't DH have a "proper" job? This sounds like the real problem. Do you work? If you are and he isn't, he should be responsible for housework and childcare. Is this happening?

theymademejoin that's pretty much how I feel, yes. I'm actually perfectly happy for them to spend ages doing coding, designing their own games and testing them, typing (even if just messing about with fonts etc), 'drawing,' or any game that is interesting in some way. We have Lego Boost too which involves 'coding' on a tablet and that's fine too. But I will not put up with FPS or anything violent, and I don't like mindless rubbish.

Also, I should've said, there are three kids, and will not be dragged away when another is playing (they like to 'help'!), so 20 mins twice a week would work out as 2 hours twice a week. Except DH lets it go on for hours on end unless I'm there looming over his shoulder which I don't like doing!

crazychemist I work. DH never takes them out or even sends them to play outside. His idea of doing anything with them is something on the computer. I'm sure he's undiagnosed aspergers or something but it's not the only thing they like doing with him. They love playing lego with him (and he is quite an enthusiast), or building wooden railway, we have a horby model railway too, so we're not exactly short of activities. I think it's just DH being lazy.

However I still can't get over the idea that they're not spending enough time playing mindless rubbish...!

2 hours a week, even.

@adaline - And what's wrong with just playing games?

Absolutely nothing, so long as you recognise that they are playing games rather than learning essential computer skills. My point was in response to people suggesting that the screen time is essential in order to develop those skills. You will only develop essential computer skills if you practice the essential skills.

@theymademejoin

The reality is, most kids are not learning to code and most of what they are "learning" will be of no benefit to them if they are simply playing games.

Granted, they'll mostly be playing games. Not really the point. The reason I started learning to code was because the games that were available when I was young were pretty basic and I wanted to see how they worked.

My daughter used to play games a lot. I used to worry about it. To the extent that, when she was 15, I had a rule that during the summer holidays she needed to plan at least 2 outside excursions a week. If she didn't, I made her leave the house with me when I went to work and she didn't get back in till I was finished. Only ever did it once - she went round a friends and then came back 20 minutes before I arrived and got herself set up looking comfortably miserable on the doorstep so I could see just how terrible a mother I'd been.

But she's fit, she's active, she's healthy and she's got a good job - again with computers. All that time she spent playing games and digging into stuff in general, she became interested in modding the games to improve them and to see what could be done.

The OP was absolutely spot on here:

Add to that the fact that everyone can use computers these days; it's not a rare skill!

Yep, it's not a rare skill at all nowadays. Pretty much everyone's got a basic competency with PC's. As long as you're happy for them to not stand out in any way or have better skills than virtually everyone else, then you're golden.

If they're interested in computers, chances are that they're bright and inquisitive and want to see what they can do. They won't find it by having "good" PC time forced down their throats for limited periods a week. They'll find it by being given the time and latitude to explore on their own and they'll realise that games aren't an entire ecosystem and there's more you can do.

Not all screen time is bad.

Look for activities that engage the children in active behaviours, versus passive consumption of media.

Actively being creative, collaborative, problem solving etc is not time wasting.

I would agree that slumping in front of a screen, browsing low quality streams of repetitive gumf isn’t a good use of time, and if your husband is doing this, and modeling this type of online behaviour, then that’s a bit rubbish really.

Mine will have spent most of today looking at a screen and I'm not keen but it's 33 degrees outside so I'd rather they played than burned.

@AsIfIWish
However I still can't get over the idea that they're not spending enough time playing mindless rubbish...!

But if you're limiting them to 40 mins per week, then they absolutely aren't spending enough time playing mindless rubbish. How much time do they spend watching mindless rubbish on the TV? How much time do you spend watching mindless rubbish on the TV? Do you consider it wasted time, or do you see it as a well earned break for R & R?

Also, "mindless rubbish" is a dismissive and insulting way to describe a lot of the games that're out there nowadays. They're involved and often have lots of complex puzzle solving etc. Just to be clear: I'm not saying that the games are all worthwhile but kids will never learn to critically judge the value of what they're taking in if they don't see some rubbish alongside the good stuff and be able to compare.

I keep seeing this mindset in middle class mums recently - some weird inverse snobbery - even pride in their child's lack of PC knowledge. You know, the ones who boast that their child has never touched an ipad or a PC but do lots of "healthy" outdoor activities and good "educational" hobbies.

Which is great, if you want them to grow up well-equipped for the 1950's.

mindless rubbish

There's your problem, possibly.

There is room in life for mindless rubbish, as you call it. Maybe not as much time as your DH gives it but still...

People, old and young, need down time. The mind gets nice and relaxed and is allowed to wander. I personally think it helps to assimilate knowledge to let the brain do something less taxing from time to time, let the back end systems catch up, then when learning time comes again it's raring to go. Doesn't have to be all computer stuff though, colouring in and crafts are good for it too.
Just my opinion, could be full of crap.

@DeadHerring - Granted, they'll mostly be playing games. Not really the point.

I didn't say there was anything wrong with playing games. However, playing games in and of itself is not developing essential computer skills. Many people seem to think that any use of a computer is beneficial and helps develop that skillset. I disagree.

Some people will start playing games and go on to develop skills because of their interests and talents. Others won't go beyond paying games because they have neither the interest nor natural inclination.

If they aren't learning any computing skills/other useful skills they shouldn't be playing at all. Computer games are the most pointlessly time wasting things of all time. Might as well be mindlessly watching TV.

20 mins twice a week? Both my DH and I would say YABU.

My DS is allowed an hour a day. Longer sometimes if we aren't doing anything and perhaps not at all if we are busy all day.

They actually do learn things when they game, even if you think it's mindless, it isn't.

Racecar - you're wrong. They aren't pointless. Just because you don't like them, doesn't mean you have to insult something that many, many people enjoy.