To think this trip away is just for my ex husband?

[klw777]

I’ll keep it brief as I can. My soon to be ex husband wants to take our children on a trip to see his parents who live 4.5 hours away. He plans to leave friday morning and return Sunday morning / early afternoon. My eldest in on the spectrum and will struggle with the length of the journey. My youngest clashes with her Dad as he lacks empathy and they lock horns a lot.
I’m their main carer, they spend one day and night a week with him. I’ve said I think this trip is really only to oblige him but he says he wants to take the children to see his family, none of whom excluding grandparents who are fairly young at 65 odd come to see the children ever. I don’t think they’ll get anything from it but I know my judgement as their Mum is clouded at times. AIBU to say I don’t want them to go? Be gentle please

If your DH has aspergers himself is he not the ideal person to understand your son? They will share a common perspective, no? Or if not, I don't think having aspergers means he can't be responsible for them for a weekend.

The other things don't sound so bad, e.g. The kids eating sweets in the car isn't the worst parenting fail of all time. It's not great that he doesn't pay much attention to your daughter but maybe having them for longer on his own will be a bonding opportunity for them?

I really think that you could only prevent this trip if you had serious and legitimate concerns about the kids welfare and none of the things you've said about your DH would lead me to think that such fears were founded. The only issue of serious concern is the allegation of sexual abuse in your drip feed - do you believe those allegations to be true? Would your kids ever be alone with their grandfather? I think that is your only reasonable concern.

I second exactly what @SunnyCoco said. I don't know why the OP is getting such a hard time over it tbh. I think on many levels op knows she can't stop the contact time or the visit, but is understandably concerned about the ex's ability to deal with an additional needs child on a long visit that even a Child without additional needs and even some adults would struggle with. @klw777 all you can do is take deep breaths, try to be as positive as you can to the children about the visit, and sit back an watch your ex try to deal with it!! It'll be hard, and I totally get you don't wanna see/heat about your children suffering but unfortunately, as it's been pointed out - there's not a lot you can do about it. Be strong!!!

No not yet klw I just pick up the pieces, lots of cuddles and reassurances, warn the youngest’s teacher he’s had a tough time at the weekend and encourage my eldest to tell her dad when she’s calmer and not in a fighting or angry mood to try and talk to him about things. So far she won’t. But mine only go to their dad’s every other weekend rather than every weekend.

@sunnycoco That’s good advice thank you, I will definitely need to stay busy.

@theshapeofewe he isn’t diagnosed with aspergers, he just shares many of the same traits as my son so where I am able to do the supportive emotional pre and post event support then he doesn’t comprehend any needs for anything additional by way of support. Exactly why he’s my ex husband!
I’ve said they are not to be alone with their grandfather and I think he has taken that on board. They may not be factual allegations but I wouldn’t know and I’m not willing to chance it.
@cooookies thank you, I think you summed it up very well. I feel powerless and I’m left to sort out everything on a day to day basis (always was when he lived here) so it’s really hard knowing their Dads limitations to just wave them off. The best case scenario would be they have a great time but I’m obviously worried.
@fuckmepinkandcallmecedric Thanks, I’ve been thinking every other weekend might be a better approach so I get a weekend every other week with them too to enjoy. My littlest starts school in September so our time will be further reduced. Appreciate the advice x