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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu that the mum or kid should appologise.

34 replies

butterflyanddragons · 25/07/2018 19:11

Took my 3 year old dd to park today after doing shopping. I was sat on bench near by keeping an eye on dd as she was sat on a wooden lion statue when all of a sudden a boy around the age of 6 or 7 came straight up to my dd and snatched her glasses straight of her face all the parent did was tell him to give them back there was no sorry from her or her son. It took me 10 mins to calm dd down and when the little shit tried coming near dd she got upset again.

OP posts:
Bimgy85 · 25/07/2018 19:14

Of course the mum should have apologised, after all the little boy probably wouldn't have known to. It shows a lot about the mum that she didn't apologize tbh

sissy89 · 25/07/2018 19:21

The boy probably wouldn't think to apologise unless asked to by the mother. But you should of had an apology from one of them. I would of done straight away and also checked the glasses over to check they hadn't been damaged. My apology would also have been massively sincere as I would of been mortified.

MilkybarGrownup · 25/07/2018 19:26

I would have said very loudly to the boy, "And what do we say when we do something bad and I'm upset someone?"
Shame his mother and do her job for her!

MilkybarGrownup · 25/07/2018 19:27

And upset** there's no I'm. Autocorrect keeps chucking words in.

RiverTam · 25/07/2018 19:31

I’m sorry your DD was upset in this way, she must have had a fright. That seems such an unusual thing to happen that I would assume the boy had some kind of additional needs - to come out of the blue and do that, I mean. Which would make referring to him as a little shit even more unpleasant than it already sounds.

headhurtstoomuch · 25/07/2018 19:34

Considering you were sitting on a bench away from your dd maybe they didn't realise who to apologise to? Not that what he or his mum did was right but just a thought.

Original poster
butterflyanddragons · 25/07/2018 19:37

If it had been other way round I would of apologised and made dd apologise as well especially as every time dd tried to grab her glasses back he dangled them out of her way, then he tried them on. I hope it doesn't do any damage as they are really strong prescription glasses. All lady did was tell him to give them back asked where his sun glasses are and turned to sort her 2 year old son out then and ignorned the fact that my dd was upset.

OP posts:
sissy89 · 25/07/2018 19:38

@RiverTam I'm so glad you've said this as that was my thinking also. My son has autism though he wouldn't take someone's glasses, I know some autistic children that would without realising it was wrong.

If my son did this, I wouldn't make him apologise as that would be impossible and make the whole situation worse. I would however still apologise on my sons behalf and explain that he is autistic and still be sincere in my apology. Id explain that in no way was my son being mean or naughty, he just doesn't realise his actions are sometimes unacceptable. I'd then explain to my son that what he just did was not ok.

I do think at the age of 6/7 that the child most likely did have some sort of additional needs. The mother should of still apologised imo. However if this is the case, it's important to remember what the mother will go through on a daily basis. Especially in the school holidays. She may of been totally exhausted and couldn't take anymore. Who knows what kind of day she's had.

If it were me and my son, the op would of still got an apology and an explanation though x

blackfog · 25/07/2018 19:39

A boy of 6 or 7 knows what he is doing so should apologise although less so than the mother who should be apologising profusely. Also, I would call him a ‘little shit’ too for doing that!!

AngelsSins · 25/07/2018 19:40

Considering you were sitting on a bench away from your dd maybe they didn't realise who to apologise to?

Isn’t it obvious though? They/he should have apologised to the poor little girl he’d just upset.

headhurtstoomuch · 25/07/2018 19:43

Isn’t it obvious though? They/he should have apologised to the poor little girl he’d just upset.*

A 7 year old that may or may not have additional needs? Alongside trying to navigate a 2yr old. Maybe the mum did apologise and the OP didn't hear it?

Original poster
butterflyanddragons · 25/07/2018 19:49

headhurtstoomuch the bench was only 2 feet away and the mum and grandparents saw me with dd as they saw us walk into the park area as dd said hello to her 2 year old boy when he was near dd and they saw me put dd on to the lion as she loves sitting on it.
RiverTam I would of understood if he had any special needs and the mum said anything but when we got there he was being mean to the other little kids I do apologise for the poor choice of word I used.

OP posts:
Barbie222 · 25/07/2018 19:55

If your child can't apologise you do it for them! I suspect the apple hasn't fallen far from the tree here.

barleyfive · 25/07/2018 20:05

I grew up wearing glasses and this happened annoyingly frequently, not every child who does something has additional needs; and even if so the mother could have said something.

Original poster
butterflyanddragons · 25/07/2018 20:06

sissy89 I would of honestly understood if I knew he had special needs as I have a friend who has special needs and do understand that they don't understand that its wrong. I could assume that's why grand parents was there for as well. The mum was only near 2 year old as he was trying to do the stepping stones as when I got there she was sat down on bench with grandparents. If she had come up to me when was near dd after it happened and said that he had special needs I would have told her that's ok and not to worry and I would have explained to dd that he wasn't being mean and that he doesn't understand that it is not nice. Thank you all for replying i'm going to sign of on this now.

OP posts:
daughterofanarchy · 25/07/2018 20:08

I would be mortified if either of my kids did that. I would apologise to the parent and child and make my child Apologise as well.

Pancakeflipper · 25/07/2018 20:11

Somedays when I am out and my aspergers son is being an utter nightmare I don't want to explain to strangers that he has SEN. I know people are judging. . I just want to survive the outing and get home to my comfy chair without losing my own patience. Perhaps the mother felt like me.

I hope your daughter is ok.

Original poster
butterflyanddragons · 25/07/2018 20:12

barleyfive dd has taken after me in having to wear glasses as I have to wear mine all the time and have done since I was little. Dd loves her glasses and wont even take them of for bed.

OP posts:
TooTrueToBeGood · 25/07/2018 20:14

Yes of course they should but some people are rude. Surely you know this so why even ask?

sissy89 · 25/07/2018 20:15

@butterflyanddragons oh I'm not having a go at you op. It's very difficult to know wether a child has additional needs as some disabilities are invisible. The only reason I assumed he may of had special needs was because you thought he was 6/7 years old. The average 6/7 year old. The main reason I would of apologised is so no one actually thought bad of my son as I couldn't stand that. I'd rather explain than not say anything. It also raises awareness.

Maybe this mother had just had enough for the day, maybe she was embarrassed....who knows. Or maybe he doesn't have additional needs at all.

sissy89 · 25/07/2018 20:17

I don't know why I've written 'the average 6/7 year old' and then not continued my sentence....dd interrupted me half way through typing and I've clearly lost my trail of thought lol

Myotherusernameisbest · 25/07/2018 20:19

Not all kids that do nasty things have additional needs. And not all kids who have additional needs do nasty things.

The fact the mother didn't apologise speaks volumes and I would think based on that he was just a naughty little boy whose mother lets him get away with crap like that because she can't be bothered to put in the effort to discipline him.

Hope your dd is ok now, op.

Original poster
butterflyanddragons · 25/07/2018 20:19

Pancakeflipper i'm really sorry to hear that I would always try to never judge people like that as my dd can be a real nightmare at times and when shes like that all I want to do is hide away and dd is good now thank you she cheered up when I let her have her jelly snake to eat.

OP posts:
Original poster
butterflyanddragons · 25/07/2018 20:26

sissy89 I know you wasn't having a go at me I do think now that I had used the wrong word and you are right it can be so hard to tell. My dd just come downstairs from being in bed and made a beeline straight to the strawberries and cream that was eating when she should be in bed.

OP posts:
stressedtiredbuthappy · 25/07/2018 20:29

Oh blimey some of these replies!
First of op that's awful that happened to your daughter she should have been apologised to straight away by the mother and the boy.

Given the fact that he was taunting her and his mother made no attempt to stop him can we stop with the crap that sen was the issue and just call him out in the fact that he's a little shit, obviously not surprising given mothers attitude to the situation.

I feel very sorry for kids who aren't being brought up properly but no one els should be suffering because of that should they?

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