aibu that the mum or kid should appologise.

[butterflyanddragons]

Took my 3 year old dd to park today after doing shopping. I was sat on bench near by keeping an eye on dd as she was sat on a wooden lion statue when all of a sudden a boy around the age of 6 or 7 came straight up to my dd and snatched her glasses straight of her face all the parent did was tell him to give them back there was no sorry from her or her son. It took me 10 mins to calm dd down and when the little shit tried coming near dd she got upset again.

@stressedtiredbuthappy you may be right that he doesn't have additional needs.

But your comment is well and truly unfair if he did have any sort of sen.

Maybe the only way she can manage a trip to the park is by taking 2 other adults with her. And yes maybe none of them apologised. But that doesn't mean the mother wasn't feeling it inside. She may have gone home and bawled her eyes out. She may now be regretting not apologising to the op but at the time, she couldn't take anymore. I've done this many of times. I don't now, but my son is a few years ahead of hers.

She may of already spent the day out with her ds and had to apologise on his behalf many times already. Maybe she's mentally exhausted and drained. Maybe she can't take anymore. What's the point of her apologising yet again? Will it make any difference to her sons behaviour? Nope, not at all. She's probably looking around at all the 'normal' kids feeling heart broken inside.

If this is the case, I've been in this ladies shoes. I've apologised time after time on behalf of my son. It's got to a point where I've wanted to give in. And I've looked at my son and thought 'why the hell cant you see that what you are doing is wrong?' Then the guilt comes in and I feel shit for feeling that way. Then I cuddle him for hours on end even though I'm at my wits end.

Like someone else said, you just want to get through the day as best you can. If you can get through the day without any sort of meltdown or bad behaviour, you feel on top of the world. But sadly that's a rare occurrence.

Maybe look at your username. Take away the happy part and this could be this mother's life. For all you know she won't be getting any sleep tonight as her child won't sleep. She will get a bit when she can and get up in the morning and have to face another day as she has no choice. This is my life.

It's the start of the school holidays, she has another 6 weeks to go through. Then September will come and she will have the struggle of getting him back to school. Because his routine has been that messed up...he won't be able to cope.

Don't just assume that because of the mothers attitude that there was nothing wrong. You have no idea what a person goes through behind closed doors. She could be beating herself up now for not apologising for all you know.

And there's the typical "what if he has sen" posts. Maybe he does, we don't know. We also don't know if he was simply being bold. We can't know this and the relentless diagnosing of anyone behaving badly is ott.

Whether or not he had sn, the mother is responsible for him and should at least have had the basic courtesy to apologise, if her child can't or doesn't understand that that behaviour upsets others.

After all, if we're going down the "must be sn" route, what if OPs child had additional needs or he did something to a child with sn? What if that child was then afraid of going into the park, what if that child had a meltdown and was tense for the entire day? This works both ways.

@RavenWings it does work both ways you are 100% correct. And as a mother of a child with Sen, it frustrates me so much how there are so many parents out there that just assume their child has special needs just because they are badly behaved. There's such a huge difference between a 'naughty' child and and Sen child. There's so many parents that think their child is autistic just because they've had a massive tantrum in the middle of Sainsbury's. Or think their child has adhd because they are always on the go and can't stop.

But I still say that you can't rule it out with this particular child. A child at the age of 6/7 would know not to take another child's glasses. So I think it is either a case of an sen child (my below post explains possible reasons for the no apology from the mother) or it is just a naughty child with a mother that really just can't be arsed. Both are equally sad if I'm honest, just in different ways.

Please I really don't want this thread to turn into arguments that is the last thing I want to happen.

The mum should have apologised. I was at soft play earlier and a toddler came up to me for no reason and hit me. Mother wasn't even watching her. People who don't watch their kids really rile me up.

By the way I have a son with autism and I wish people would stop blaming poor behaviour on autism. There are just children who behave like that and have nothing wrong for goodness sake.

You know, I think you and me actually agree on a lot here sissy. I just dislike the constant talk of SN on here. We can't know and I think it does a disservice to kids with SN. Constantly associating bad behaviour with SN could create a perception among people that SN always = bad behaviour. You know what I mean?

In any case OP I think you weren't wrong to be expecting an apology. Regardless of SN, once another child is hurt or upset a boundary is crossed and that should be acknowledged.

@RavenWings yes I totally agree with you and everything you've said. I really feel that it will get to a point of bad behaviour = special needs and vice versa....which is just so wrong and so frustrating too. I see it daily on some fb groups I'm on. New parents joining because a child has just had a meltdown and could that mean they are autistic. No it just means they are showing bad behaviour. Simple as. Deal with it.

I just didn't like the comment from stressedtiredbuthappy. As I know if sen was a contributing factor towards this then i have been in a similar situation many times. I did read it as though maybe the child was autistic purely because of the age and the fact he took the glasses but also tried them on and was dangling them around...my 9 year old asd would also find glasses fascinating.

I'm also not saying that Sen children aren't naughty. Because that 100% is not the case. The child could have additional needs and easily took the glasses knowing it was wrong.

An apology would of definitely been appropriate. I just now always look at these situations as in 'you don't know what actually goes on behind closed doors' as that's the way I long for others to see my family basically.

Mum should have apologised. Mum should have been watching him too, especially if he was mean to other small kids.

I stopped visiting a playgroup due to a child with bad behaviours parent. He would pinch punch and push the babies and toddlers. He was 4. His mum was the problem at group. She would dump him in the room then ignore him to coo at her newborn. He was so jealous. We played with him a few times before it got too much. He was lovely when playing like that. He was so desperate for her attention, tried to show her his pictures and toys but she would wave him away. Was sad, no? All she could focus on was baby and it showed.

OP
Both mother and child should have apologised unless the child has SEN that renders him unable then mother should have apologised on his behalf.
Not all children with SEN are more badly behaved then other children and lots are even more kind and overly trusting.
Teddy bear 🐻 for DD