This is happening to a family member. I know her side far more than his but I’ve tried to write this in an unbiased manner.
A couple, let’s call them Sarah and Tom, were dating for two months. Both uni students. Sarah unexpectedly fell pregnant. Tom wanted Sarah to get an abortion, Sarah refused. Toms very posh family tried to bully Sarah into an abortion, Sarah refused and was very offended as they know her family are catholic and she is against abortion.
Sarah and Tom try to make the relationship work but several issues arise. Tom is from a posh family and Sarah is working class, and comments made by Toms family about council houses around Sarah make her feel uncomfortable. Tom is also very close to his mother, to the point that he will not do anything without his mother’s agreement and opinion first. Sarah is unhappy with this. Tom also wants to know what Sarah is doing every moment of every day and bombards her with texts, getting abusive if she doesn’t reply fast enough. If Sarah retaliates, Tom complains to his mother who chastises Sarah.
On two occasions, Tom is violent towards Sarah including coercing her into a sexual situation.
Sarah has pregnancy complications which mean she is at risk of early labour, and Tom decides to leave the country and tell Sarah he doesnt feel he can cope with a baby.
Sarah tells Tom she’s had enough, and to leave her alone. Tom responds by sending nude photographs of Sarah to his friends, sending text messages to her threatening suicide and threatening her. He accuses her of having an affair.
Sarah cuts all contact. Tom suddenly decides he wants to be on the baby’s birth cert. Sarah says no. Tom decides he wants to be at the birth. Sarah says no. Tom then bombards Sarah with abusive phonecalls.
Sarah has her baby without Tom. She tells Tom he can visit, at prior agreed times and only when she has a family member with her. Tom does this but ignores the child and uses the time to insult and berate Sarah. Sarah cuts all contact and tells Tom she doesn’t want him near her or the child.
Sarah stays in touch with Toms parents and allows them to visit occasionally. Tom continued his university course and did not offer to pay any maintenance to Sarah. Now Tom has finished uni he has expressed an interest in visiting the child. Sarah meanwhile dropped out of university in order to support her child, and has another partner and a new life. Sarah’s partner treats Sarah’s child as if he were the child’s father.
Sarah agreed but on the grounds that she not be there and so left the child with her mother on the day Tom came. Tom quizzed Sarah’s mother about Sarahs partner as he had apparently seen on Facebook she was in a relationship, and also sent Sarah messages regarding this and told her he still loved her. Tom also went home after an hour even though Sarah had arranged for the entire day.
Sarah now doesn’t feel comfortable with Tom seeing the child, as she feels Tom is using the child to get to her. She also feels she is happy and settled and doesn’t want to upset her life. She’s also annoyed he’s never paid maintenance.
However Tom tells anyone who will listen Sarah is a horrible ex who won’t let him see the child.
Who is being unreasonable? I feel quite strongly that it’s Tom who’s behaving like an idiot, but would welcome others opinions.