(Trigger warning) aibu to ask if you ever can get over rape?

[Newnamefor]

Posting here for traffic as suggested on my previous post.

Hi, I'm not sure if I'm posting in the right place but I'm wondering if you think you ever get over being raped.
It was years ago now (and happened more than once) and I've had some counselling but it still bothers me. I can't keep any relationship going as I've stopped enjoying or wanting sex (and I've never told any partner) and I've now got to the point that i hardly leave the house as I get too scared of what might happen. I get nightmares too. Even fleeting suicidal thoughts (that's all though) as I'm sick of living like this.
After a thread the other day I have contacted rape crisis to see if it's worthwhile talking stuff over. I've yet for them to get back to me.
So, without wanting to bring up old memories for anyone else too much (please walk away if it's too hard for you - I don't want anyone else to feel worse) but do you think you can ever get over it?

Yes. You do heal but it never leaves you completely

I don’t always know what or why it may be set off but sometimes it will pop into my head randomly or triggered by events. It has affected my sex life - for a long time I preferred to only have sex when I was drunk (even with a partner) because I felt very anxious
This is better now and I do not need to be drunk at all but I am not having sex with anyone right now

I think it affected my trust very badly and I don’t know if that will ever really change

NC for this. @DorothyGarrod and @PookieDo, I was sexually very very inexperienced when I was raped. It had a big influence on my sex life for many years, conservative, not liking or wanting anything other than vanilla, never had an orgasm (alone or with partner). However, as my life moved on, that changed to a large extent. To be honest, I'm much older now with decreased libido (age for sure, hormones?) and it seems so long ago.

No. Never.

My DM has been raped twice and all before I was born (so over 29 years ago) and she's never been able to get past it. She's scared of men but she's also very sexual towards men and I don't understand how she can be both but I think it's a way of her being in charge and making it look like it's her decision.

She's had plenty of counselling but I think it's just one of those things that most people just can't get past and that's understandable. It's one of the worst things you could do to someone and so traumatic.

I'm so sorry this is something you're having to go through.

A few comments on the thread so far:

• Seems like two clear distinct groups of people. People who have successfully coped, and those who struggle with it every day (about a 50-50 split?). It makes me worried about the lack of support, so many people struggling on their own with little support.

• For almost everyone who posted ... it was a partner or person they knew. This is very surprising information for me that this happens so frequently, and very sad.

• On the positive side, there are relatively few posts. In RL I only know one other person that was raped. Based on the level of incidents in news, the metoo reports, etc I'd have expected a lot more posts. But perhaps things are not as bad with rape numbers in UK as I believed. Hopefully that's the case!

Re being in charge sexually to a PP - yes that’s exactly it, having your own power. I had a weird period of my life after it happened (I was very young, under 16) where I actually recall being drunk and trying to convince a guy to sleep with me and he didn’t want to! I was all over the place - but the moment someone is too keen and appears to be dominant in any way I would get scared. So I tried to have sex with reluctant passive men to feel better somehow and feel afraid if a man is dominating - I would freak if someone tried to hold my wrists or hair or something, even if they thought it was gentle and innocent to me it is not

Everybody is different. It’s doesn’t effect me at all anymore, I don’t even think about it.

OP without going into detail.... yes you can my love xx