Heartbroken that I'm being forced to sell mum's house, she worked hard for it and paid her national insurance

[Jkoakham]

And now her savings are running out I will need to sell her house to carry on funding it.

It all seems to very unfair, her house was supposed to be passed to me but instead it's affectively passed to government and private companies.

I thought the dimentia tax had been can cancelled?

Have you researched continuing health care and how to fight for it? You really need to fight but sometimes it will be awarded and the home can be kept.

It’s one of those things I think that care needs paying for and the government don’t have unlimited resources BUT if it was my relative I would feel really sad and mad

Good luck with that BlueLady.
£900 per week in a dementia unit doesn't get you anywhere near that standard of care. And if you have dementia nowhere else will take you.
The posh private homes only take posh elderly people who don't actually need much care.
As I said earlier my parents and PIL were self funding.
All assets, pensions and income is taken - they were allowed approximately £10 per week spending money.
Even in the best homes we could find their personal belongings were lost. Teeth, hearing aids, glasses - all disappeared.
Clothes destroyed or worn by other residents.
I have personal experience of 6 expensive care homes.
Hundreds of thousands of pounds for pretty poor care.
Staff on minimum wage.
It is a scandal.

I can understand the OP's frustration at seeing her expected inheritance disappear, but that's life. We have done it with my mil recently- sold her house to fund her care. We were really struggling with her at home with dementia, it's lovely to see her safe, well and happy in a lovely care home. We've been lucky to find a great one that's relatively cheap.

National insurance isn't a savings bank. It's health care for life. These elderly people in care homes still need hospitalisation occasionally- they might still "get their money's worth".

I'm approaching my 50s. I worry that my pension won't cover my care and there won't be much of a NHS by then. I definitely won't be frittering my savings away in the thought that the state will carry me in thirty years time.

I know all about dementia care and what it costs, I had to find a care home for my mum - £1000 a week. That's why I'm adamant I'll have the best I can afford and don't mind the sale of my house funding it.

Is someone 'in need' when they have - and are not using - a house, and need an alternative roof over their heads?

This

It’s simple. We all can only be in one place at a time. Housing should be available for all ( mix of owned, rented, social housing, sheltered housing).

But if you want TWO places to live, then you need to be able to afford BOTH.

The OP still asn’t answered the question of why the rest of us should pay to preserve HER inheritance.

We're all fucked, aren't we?
Our parents worked their arses off to own houses. Some of us are lucky enough to own ours, but mortgages are high.
We mostly can't realistically own our homes with only one earner. Not now.
If we manage it, our kids may be able to own homes. Maybe. Unless we need long term care.
So, our kids must be ridiculously high earners, or they can't own their own homes.
Who owns all of the property, whilst everyone rents?

There is a massive economic issue here.
We need resources to pass to our children.

Perhaps we'll become a generation who ship off to Switzerland to die respectably.

I think most of us would be on an express train to Switzerland but... dementia is the great big expensive problem. By the time it's recognised, you have lost capacity and a) the ability to manage your affairs and b) the actual realisation that you are senile.

Totally agree that only megabucks buys marvellous care. Mil had no choice as to home as she had severe dementia. Fil is in a "better" home but even the poshest person is sitting in a big nappy, dribbling in front of the television. And yes, sometimes smelling. Even the speediest clean up of residents can't mask the fact that incontinence is a fact of life for those with dementia. All the money in the world doesn't buy bladder and bowel control.

With lots of food, good heating and plenty of drugs, a person with dementia can chug on for years. Fil has been in a home for six years. I truly think the hippocratic oath for those with dementia needs some rethinking in the light of life extending (but not life enhancing ) medical treatment and drugs.

The thing is, if I don’t inherit a share of my parents house ( and it looks as if we might not, with 2 parents needing care) I will likely live out my old age with a rented house paid for by housing benefits, and no chance of paying for a Care home.

With inheritance I could be self sufficient for longer than my parents need care.

Except for a tiny minority of mega-rich, the country's housing-stock will gradually pass from the current mix of social lettings, private lettings and owner-occupier to almost exclusively rented from mega corporate landlords and overseas owners. The social housing stock will gradually deplete to owner occupied at first, but one by one - not all at once but a steady drip drip drip - each owner occupied property will have to be sold off to fund care in the final years of life and as the proportion of young people able to consider buying dwindles the properties will not often be bought by those intending to owner-occupy - so the numbers will reduce still further...

Much like assets now. A smaller % own a larger % than when I started off 45yrs ago. Thank god I'll be dead in another 45 yrs.

Fgs, of course all working class folk are going to have to pay for care. The biggest lie they were sold is that they weren't working class in the first place!

Slightly related to this i posted a thread about how there should be a maximum working temperature A couple of posts on there were from care home workers.

re. the heatwave a care home worker got told "you dont matter" The owner also didnt seem too bothered about the risk of the residents getting heatstroke.

Im guessing hes thinking that there is plenty more that need care so he wont be out of pocket if the heat kills any of the residents.

The biggest lie they were sold is that they weren't working class in the first place

So vote differently. It’s quite simple, ffs

But social care isn't paid for by the national government at all. So NI has absolutely nothing to do with it.
That's why we are having a social care crisis as it's funded by the Local Authority I.e. the county or city council. It's a broke system and there needs to be a care tax in place.
I worked in a local authority care home and it was a beautiful place.
If you don't want to sell your inheritance look after her by yourself... see how hard it is and then wonder why you'd expect the same for free??? Nonsense.
A house is an asset.
The way this was designed when the national health service came in was not for people living to 95+. I've seen people live in homes for 10-15 years. Who is supposed to pay for that? I don't think people with cancer get a get out rent and bills free card? That's why it's extra hard. Care homes aren't paying for medical care, it's the bed and board, personal care and entertainment... things that don't come for free. Or there would be thousands of care staff out there working for free?

Fuck off rice.

I had a relative with dementia. As said it's a dreadful illness and I hated to see her fear and unhappiness. She had to be cared for in a home at the end. To my eyes it was a nice clean home with sympathetic staff insofar as I could see. Paid for by the state with a % of income taken as a contribution. Assets untouched otherwise. I was happy with the system. A different country obviously... with high taxes.

So I am on the fence and can see both sides.

The problem, as others have alluded, is that inheritance has become so pivotal to most people's life chances because of the very high housing costs.

I'm not sure why the Switzerland option doesn't figure more heavily into this dialogue, I realise it's crass when promoted as a cost-cutting measure but is one of those rare instances where economy and empathy dovetail perfectly.

I find the arguement "my parents worked hard to buy their house, so should be able to leave it for their family" a bit odd. What about a family where the parents didn't work quite so hard? Are people proposing some sort of test as to how hard someone worked before deciding whether they, or tax-payers should fund their care? What if the parents had, themselves, been helped to buy via an inheritance?

We have a relative who has advancing dementia in her 80s. She is still in her own home with just a couple of visits of 15 mins. from carers a day. Spends hours gazing out of the window, confuses the tv control with the phone, so you often can't contact her. Says she's eaten when she hasn't.

She would be so much better off in a home, but because in moments of lucidity she says she wants to stay put, her DD lets things ride and visits her once, maybe twice a week for an hour or so - despite living locally. All so there is more left in her fairly small savings pot for the DD to inherit.

It's not always the system that's at fault, sometimes it's the people.

I find the arguement "my parents worked hard to buy their house, so should be able to leave it for their family" a bit odd. What about a family where the parents didn't work quite so hard?

I find the argument that anyone should feel a moral duty to sell their house odd.

Why on earth should anyone feel they have to sell their possessions? Of course you should be able to pass it to your children!

So your children gain at the expense of people who have less than them? I don't think so.

Absolutely not their issue particularly if they are working and paying tax (which I believe should be a lot more as I've said earlier)

Or a complete change in the law and outlook.
No one passing anything on via inheritance at all...
www.google.co.uk/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2017/jul/24/utopian-thinking-fund-welfare-state-inheritance-tax

So your children gain at the expense of people who have less than them? I don't think so.

One of the greatest incentives in life is, or should be, providing for your children.

I know the Guardian wants to eliminate all forms of incentive and send all 'extra' money off to the Central Distribution Bureau, I don't need to even click on the link.

One of the greatest incentives in life is, or should be, providing for your children

Yup.

The guardian article is ridiculous.