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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Heartbroken that I'm being forced to sell mum's house, she worked hard for it and paid her national insurance

999 replies

Jkoakham · 25/07/2018 09:28

And now her savings are running out I will need to sell her house to carry on funding it.

It all seems to very unfair, her house was supposed to be passed to me but instead it's affectively passed to government and private companies.

I thought the dimentia tax had been can cancelled?

OP posts:
jasjas1973 · 27/07/2018 13:40

Not the Scottish experience, most elderly people wish to stay in their own homes, it would nt be compulsory!!! lol!

you could make that argument for the existence of the NHS. but of course we dont do we.

I believe the article says that a 1% rise in income tax on all bands and means testing winter fuel allowance would cover it, there are of course other options!

WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup · 27/07/2018 13:46

It's a lesson to us all not to be prudent. We should all live in rented houses and spend every penny as it comes in. Then the state will pick up the tab when we are old.

Oh it's a really wonderful way to live, step. I can't recommend hand to mouth living enough. Hmm

ajandjjmum · 27/07/2018 14:20

Karting - I shall be quite happy for 60 to be elderly next year, for my free prescriptions and senior railcard.

But I shall be back to middle-aged as soon as I leave the pharmacy and railway station! Grin

I planning to be old when I get to 80, have five years or so of everyone running around after me, then pop off in my sleep.

ajandjjmum · 27/07/2018 14:21
  • obviously leaving the few assets that I haven't blown to DC.
jasjas1973 · 27/07/2018 14:51

Good attitude to have so assume your kids are in private education, you ve BUPA, you pay back any child benefit received and should you have an accident and need AE you ll fund that yourself... :)

AlarmClocks · 27/07/2018 15:01

I am middle-aged, to me that means in the bracket of half way through life expectancy. Elderly starts at past middle-aged.

Different people have various body failures, it isn't age dependent.

Just because your particular body hasn't failed yet doesn't stop the fact you lived on this earth the number of years you do. You are perceived as old to other people weather you accept, like it or not, no hair colour, Botox, fillers or surgery can hide it.

Just because you self identify as young it doesn't make you young, you can bully people to lie to you, they will laugh at you and say different things behind your back because the reality is you are the age you are, not the trans age you want to be.

I find it quite cruel that those blessed with good health whilst being elderly, are putting down those who are ill, disabled and speaking about poor health in such as disgusted manner.

ZanyMobster · 27/07/2018 15:37

I am really torn on this, we have recently gone through this with FIL. He had to sell up to pay for a nursing home due to dementia. He was 74. They are taking his private pension which is £19k a year so something he worked all his life for plus his state pension (totally fine of course) and taking £10k a year from him selling the house to top up.

I work for the public sector and totally understand that there is no way that there are the funds to pay for this sort of care for everyone but it really gets to me that my nan never worked, had 8 children by 5 different dads, moved into a brand new 3 bed council house with several different husbands over the years (stayed there for 50 years after her kids had left home), went on luxury cruises every year, ate out several times a week, constantly bought clothes and jewellery but due to the fact she didn't own any assets she had her nursing home paid for when she got dementia. It was a much nicer place than FILs also.

That seems so wrong.

LeftRightCentre · 27/07/2018 16:02

I don't understand why people think it's selfish of OP to want to have an inheritance.

Because she expects the taxpayer to pick up the tab for it. Hmm

Gottagetmoving · 27/07/2018 16:14

Gottagetmoving care to expand?

On my to say I think we should have a system where people who need care get that care.
I think we are becoming a nation of selfish, greedy people who begrudge helping those in need. The 'every man for himself' attitude is sad.

Gottagetmoving · 27/07/2018 16:15

Only, not on my...

Gottagetmoving · 27/07/2018 16:20

Care homes are crushingly expensive, it'd be super-unfair & unrealistic for the state to have to pick up every penny of the cost for everyone

Expensive because they are run for profit and pay staff ridiculously low wages for what they do.

cantkeepawayforever · 27/07/2018 16:23

Gootaget,

Is someone 'in need' when they have - and are not using - a house, and need an alternative roof over their heads?

LeftRightCentre · 27/07/2018 16:31

I think we are becoming a nation of selfish, greedy people who begrudge helping those in need. The 'every man for himself' attitude is sad.

The problem is that the need of increasing numbers of people living longer and longer with dementia comes at very steep cost. Those people's NI contributions in no way approach the cost of such care, so the only way to pay for it is to more heavily tax those in work now. The issue with this is that is the increased cost of living and wage stagnation for many makes paying higher taxes difficult, on top of the fact that today's working people know there will be no state pension provision for themselves when they reach older age, if they do, and possibly no NHS, so they will need to make provision for themselves somehow and yet still keep going now. See the problem?

jasjas1973 · 27/07/2018 16:41

Its like banging ya had against a brick wall lol!

Its not that expensive meanwhile, Governments are cutting taxes for Corporations and the wealthy via IHT paying out triple lock pensions, heating allowances to all and sundry and all you lot can bleat is "we cant afford it... blah blah blah
You are all just swallowing the BS that the 6th richest nation in the world cant look after its elderly, it really is no wonder we get such poor Governance.

LakieLady · 27/07/2018 16:54

why should i have to pay for your desire to have 3 kids and all the associated costs?

Because those 3 kids could well end up being the ones who are wiping your bum when you're in your dotage, or replacing your hip or meeting any number of social or business needs. They will almost certainly be the ones paying the taxes needed for the public services we all rely on.

Bluelady · 27/07/2018 16:58

If people are sitting on accumulated assets worth £££ why should the taxpayer pay for their care to preserve inheritances? It's not the money, it's the principle.

LakieLady · 27/07/2018 17:00

I predict an even bigger crisis in adult social care when millennials get old, if rates of home ownership continue to fall.

The proportion of old people with a house to sell to pay for care will be smaller, so more will have to be funded by some other means.

IrmaFayLear · 27/07/2018 17:04

I agree that is unfair, ZanyMobster. I keep suggesting that there are free, dormitory-style geriatric homes. If you don’t fancy that, then you can pay. Then there is a clear demarcation between self-funding and free council care.

Agree with AlarmClocks that good health is largely a matter of luck. I have encountered several people - elderly people - sneering at mil for getting dementia. As if health is a personal choice.

Btw, I had occasion to look at my life insurance policy this afternoon and noted that they consider old is 60. Ie dementia/Parkinson’s before this age is covered, but if you get them and their ilk over 60 then they are considered old age related.

Gottagetmoving · 27/07/2018 17:59

Those people's NI contributions in no way approach the cost of such care, so the only way to pay for it is to more heavily tax those in work now

We all contribute in taxes and NI.
Governments pick and choose where they spend the money. They find money to suit their agenda. Then they convince everyone that the problem is the sick, the old and the vulnerable. It's all bollocks.

Bluelady · 27/07/2018 18:02

So, Gotta, where would you cut spending to create the money to preserve some people's inheritance?

jasjas1973 · 27/07/2018 18:20

@Bluelady it is not about funding someones Inheritance, its about providing suitable and safe care for all, ensuring hospitals are not bed blocked, that our elderly are safe, workers receive proper training and remuneration, that the sector can attract and retain workers.
It also needs to run as a not for profit service under the NHS.

the system is completely broken and relying on the few to sell their houses to fund it, is stupid and unsustainable.

Once we have a decent system, then we could look at long term insurance but at the moment, its perfectly ok to cut corp tax by 10 billion with zero obligation to do anything worthwhile with the money companies save but not ok to provide safe care for our elderly.

LeftRightCentre · 27/07/2018 18:22

I predict an even bigger crisis in adult social care when millennials get old, if rates of home ownership continue to fall.

I predict people not living as long as this lot is.

Gottagetmoving · 27/07/2018 18:39

Social care should never be provided by private profit motivated companies. Health, welfare and services should be publicly owned and funded.
Yes, we all have to contribute...but it seems that those who can afford to contribute most are the ones who moan the most and resent their taxes going to help anyone.
It would be available to all. You never know when you may need help.

Bluelady · 27/07/2018 18:45

A lot of the people defending people funding their own care are those of us who will have to do it if the need arises, me included. I don't care how much shitty state funded provision would be in place, I wouldn't want it. I want decent care in a nice environment that doesn't smell of wee and I'm happy to pay for it. What you're suggesting is a race to the bottom with greedy offspring protecting their inheritance. No thank you.

Gottagetmoving · 27/07/2018 18:51

I want decent care in a nice environment that doesn't smell of wee and I'm happy to pay for it

People pay an absolute fortune and still get left to sit in wet underwear, be neglected and be abused in private care homes.
Make sure you've got mega money....