Friends child calling me fat

[Stephthegreat]

DS is 5 and has a friend the same age who’s we see sometimes because Im good friends with his mum.He keeps asking me ‘where’s your baby?’ I’m overweight but I don’t think I look like I’m pregnant! Friend just talks over him and laughs.

At this young age I think children innocently saying someone has a big tummy or someone is fat is quite normal and I know it happens but the way this child is asking the question ‘where’s your baby’ makes me wonder if his dad has been saying it jokingly about me.

I’m starting to get a bit paranoid about it now! I keep telling df child I’m not very pregnant!

@NonaGrey um the child keeps asking : where's your baby ? The child is not calling her fat .

I would distance myself tbh. Not because of the comment but because of the parent who doesn’t correct their child and gets miffed if others do. Never goes well ime.

lola keeps asking, despite being told there is no baby.

He’s 5 yo, not 3.

He’s calling her fat.

I don't think it's that straightforward sometimes. Even will the best parenting in the world, kids of that age are prone to sometimes lacking a filter.

Also, widening it out a bit from the OP's original post, I'm not sure that it's so easy to say 'it's rude to comment on someone's appearance,' as that means not saying something nice to someone about their appearance as well. If we then say that it's fine to say something 'nice,' but it's rude to say something negative, then that means that being 'fat' doesn't look nice?

So, while I'm devil's advocating for a moment, why should kids be taught that being bigger is wrong? I always say to my kids that they shouldn't pass comment or judge on anyone's appearance full stop, but I do wonder whether it's right that we drum it into kids that saying 'fat' is an insult. I know fat people who are perfectly fine with being fat and rightly consider themselves to be perfectly attractive.

I'm not wedded to this thought process, but just turning it over in my mind.

I'm not pregnant, I'm just fat. So stop saying it please.

This

If his mother’s way of dealing with it, is not dealing it, then that’s where the problem lies. The boy is five and it isn’t his fault that he’s being parented poorly, I get that you’re embarrassed but you’re given such a young child way too much power. Speculating over the father, if there isn’t any supporting information is ridiculous.

Thing is he’s asking where your baby is.

So he’s not asking/saying you’re pregnant or saying you’re fat.

Have you asked him why he thinks you have a baby.

Sorry if I’ve got that wrong and he’s actually saying when your baby coming and not where’s your baby.

The kid knows it’s rude, shut him down.

I don't think it's that straightforward sometimes. Even will the best parenting in the world, kids of that age are prone to sometimes lacking a filter.

Absolutely true Shegot but in that case the parent should deal with it, which she isn’t.

It’s not about whether fat is nice or not. It’s not polite to comment on someone being thinner than usual either.

I wouldn’t expect my children to say to an adult “gosh you are short” or “my, you’re tall” either, even if objectively the person is attractive.

It is not polite to make personal remarks. It is particularly rude for a child to comment on an adult’s appearance.

By 5 years old most child know that it’s fine to say “you look pretty” or “I like your outfit” and that it’s entirely different from saying “why do you have such a big nose?”

Df has been quick in the past to correct my ds if he’s done something wrong but doesn’t take it well when I correct hers! I think putting distance between us is a good idea, df constantly tells me her ds is so good,she’s so lucky to have such a good child,etc. She isn’t seeing the truth and don’t think she ever will address it.

The child is asking innocently!

Sounds like your friend is really embarrassed by it. You're overweight expecting everyone to normalise it is part of the problem with society today.

Oh and I'm no skinny minny myself.

How is he calling you fat though Steph the great ? That is your perception , in your mind and subjective . And the poor child has been alive 5 years , have a laugh with him , Don't take things so seriously. Get a doll and pull it from under your top and say there's my baby next time .

Oh I know a child/parent like that op. The child kept hitting my friends dd on a play date and she ended up saying she didn’t want to play with him. Hitty childs mum then told off my friends dd for being mean for not playing with her son while completely failing to address the fact he kept clobbering her. We didn’t meet up again after that.

PorkFlute df ds is hitty in the house so we go out instead,df describes her ds as boisterous but throwing and hitting is naughty behaviour to most.

You're overweight expecting everyone to normalise it is part of the problem with society today.

Nope, people normalising bad behaviour is what is wrong with society today.

You've told this child that you're not pregnant so he's either having trouble understanding or he's being rude.

If he asks again, reply 'I've told you I'm not pregnant, you know I'm not, why are you asking me the same question again?'
Unfortunately, I do think he's being rude. My DN did this when he was 4 or 5 He laughed when he asked me and wouldn't let it drop. I am fat. After a few times I replied the above and glared looked him in the eye. He hasn't said it since.

But your friend's child is not calling you fat. He is asking if you're having a baby - I think it's you that's turning it into an insult.

I agree if he was asking/saying that you were fat then that should be corrected but that doesn't seem to be what is happening here.

Df has been quick in the past to correct my ds if he’s done something wrong but doesn’t take it well when I correct hers!

Gosh, and he's hitty in the house too.

I'm glad you're going to distance yourself, especially as your own DS is old enough to see the double standard from this experience woman to her son and yours.

Not sure what thebeire experience is doing in there.

Oh ffs I'm going to bde

dimples repeatedly asking.

Repeatedly asking having been told every previous time that there is no baby, that she’s not pregnant.

He’s five years old, not 3.

And his Mother must be aware that the OP is uncomfortable/offended/hurt/embarrassed by this ongoing behaviour and hasn’t checked it.

dimples As if repeatedly asking a personal question "Are you having a baby?" despite being told 'No' on several occasions, is ok 🙄

Maybe say no but I think your mum might.